How to unmask?

[mysweetsweetpiano]

I rarely feel like myself. I have heard that its sometimes impossible to unmask with a therapist so Im afraid to ask mine. I like lists and “how to’s” and such so if you could give me a list of strategies to unmasking I would appreciate it

 

[tree]

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/masking-and-unmasking.46120/#post-1051943
@mysweetsweetpiano
See Post #3.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Typically once you get comfortable with them, you might find yourself unmasking a little. Sometimes it can be worth looking into the reasons as to why we mask and the potential upsides of doing so (in moderation, of course), since most people are focused on just the negatives.

I mean, if we unmasked all the time to everyone... we might not actually like the response we'd get, etc, etc.

 

[DaisyRose]

When I get home, I let go. My family understands that I have stims and I like to let go when I get home. I’m allowed to be free without feeling judged.

 

[Misty Avich]

What does everyone mean by masking, exactly, and what do you mean by being unable to unmask with a therapist?
(Not judging or criticising, just curious).

 

[DaisyRose]

What does everyone mean by masking, exactly, and what do you mean by being unable to unmask with a therapist?

Masking to me is hiding my stims from others and changing how I act out in public. A lot of people are judgy and rude and don’t try to understand how autistic people think and feel.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't have stims really, so I don't need to hide that in company.
I'm not sure I mask or not. Everyone masks to an extent so I think I just mask to the same degree as NTs.

However I do feel I have to mask when I'm in public places. I feel I have to hide my true emotions and just be neutral. The social rules of being in public are very precise. I feel the people who I know know me better and if they do judge they'll do it when I'm out of earshot. Strangers in public tend to let me know they're judging, by staring, sniggering, whispering to each other, etc. Not that this has happened lately, but it has before when I've behaved like a buffoon in public, when I was younger.
I'm good at normal social etiquette and reading subtle cues and understanding subtle social behaviours and boundaries, but when rules become too precise, like how they become when you're in public (mostly a street or shopping mall), it gets draining and leads to agoraphobia, for me (not speaking for everyone else).

It's why I panic at the thought of being homeless. If you live on the streets you have to mask forever!

 

[tazz]

This is a great book for learning about masking and figuring out how to unmask if that's what you want to explore:

https://www.autismforums.com/resour...covering-the-new-faces-of-neurodiversity.210/

 

[tazz]

What didn't really work for me was trying to analyse which bits of my behavior were the mask and which bits were authentically me. At my age (50+) I've been masking for so long it's impossible to analyse myself and separate the two. Rather, it was about making broader changes in my life so I am less anxious, stressed and overwhelmed all the time. After doing that for a while I found naturally in some situations I was more relaxed and without really thinking about it I've become less likely to hide the behaviors that make me look different.

I want to get to a point where I can decide whether or not to put on the mask, rather than doing it automatically all the time. I'm getting there.

Masking is not all bad. Sometimes it's useful.

 

[Misty Avich]

I find I automatically mask depending on the environment I'm in, but isn't that true for everybody? I mean, an NT will most likely be formal or professional in a meeting or interview, but as soon as they get home they probably sing loudly in the shower or kitchen, something they might not even do in front of their friends.