How Would You Answer This?

[Spinning Compass]

Today my entire department got an e-mail from the department manager which said that if you witnessed disrespectful or rude behavior to report it to your supervisor. That's all. No other explanation.

So I am thinking, what constitutes disrespectful and/or rude behavior and who decides? Because there are a couple of individuals who do things like say my name real loud and real exaggerated. Is that worth calling them out on it? Especially when it is my word against theirs and if they say we were only kidding or we didn't realize or we didn't mean. And if I report something like that am I being branded as a troublemaker?

Some of us are really puzzled by this email. Something must have triggered it but they are not saying. I have a couple of theories, but nothing I can really put my finger on.

Anyway I told my boss I had not experienced anything like that (best to keep the peace).

What would you do?

 

[Caspar]

I would probably do the same. Saying your name real loud or exaggerated could be just joking around or something. I don't know since there isn't enough context. But unless you have something to gain from reporting rude behavior then I do not see the point in reporting it.

 

[King_Oni]

With the risk of getting into trouble; I'd even start an argument with my supervisor in asking him into making clear, fool-proof, definitions. I don't want to work in an enviroment where I'm prone to bad definitions and the chance of accusation by co-workers. I might be a bit pessimistic, but I'm somehow quite sure I'll end up in trouble over something anyway, so securing myself on a basis of definitions is the least I can do.

But yeah; if someone were to say my name in an exaggerated way, I'd report them in. Cause that to me is disrespectful. But probably I'd even stretch it a bit, even if it's just to point out that there's a thin line between doing something on purpose or just without knowing it. And even if they state "we're fooling around"... well, screw that, I'm not here for fooling around, and it's bad management if a supervisor is ok with people fooling around at a job, but does want to enforce other "rules". That's not really a "decent" standard for a workenviroment either IMO

 

[AussiePaul]

perhaps your boss heard the other guys calling your name and didn't like it. but the boss can't do anything about it without a 'complaint'. Maybe the boss wants to help you (and others) to have a calm and 'safe' workplace. So, I would mention it to the boss but ask not to mention your name, just the behaviour. also not to make a fuss this time but if it continued,, that would be workplace harassment in Australia.

 

[Gomendosi]

Okay, since you asked, here’s what I think.
There are two ways of looking at this, first is that there has actually been a complaint made and they are looking for some sort of confirmation or anything similar to affirm the suspicions, second is that there is nothing at all that has been said, they simply put this idea out there to see if anyone actually does have any complaints in an attempt to stave of greater conflict in future should anybody actually be sitting on any in-house resentments.

For my own part I cannot say what it is going to be best for you to do in this situation because, if you can live at least marginally comfortably with what is currently going on then maybe just let sleeping dog’s lie as it may only escalate if you do say something. On the other hand, if you feel like your productivity is slipping or you are even partially uncomfortable or distressed by the situation you find yourself in then by all means say something as it is your right to a happy work environment.

Maybe the best way to approach it is to say to the boss in front of the particular troublesome co-worker and any other people there as well, something like; “hey, when you put out that memo on complaints, I was thinking I should speak up about (insert co-workers name), he’s been bothering me for ages with the silly way he says my name like a six year old” then giggle like its no big deal. What this does is it lets it be known that it bothers you but, in such a way as to say hey, now is your time to either explain yourself or stop, because if it continues after that then everybody will know he is doing it to bother you! Moreover, you didn’t say it in a catty, backstabbing way so if he is doing it deliberately he has no recourse or avenue for further annoyances because everybody saw you publicly call him out in the nicest way possible.

That last bit is NOT advice it is just an idea because it does sound like you are at the end of your tether and I have nothing but sympathy.

I am in a similar fix with my current living arrangement.

I do hope you find out a way to resolve this as it is the most insidious form of abuse.
It is almost invisible to anyone other than the recipient and the abuser, yet it is completely observable to all.

 

[Kelly]

I think I'd send an email back asking for some examples, or maybe give some examples, using your own situation to gauge whether that is grounds for a complaint. So asking something like "Could you give me an idea of what you class as rude or disrespectful? A joke between workmates could be taken as offensive or rude by others who overhear, how about a situation such as (then give your name thing as the example and ask if that would be grounds for complaint)...do you have guidelines about what is considered unacceptable so I know what I'm looking out for? etc etc"

Gomendosi's idea of jokingly bringing up the stretching your name out thing could backfire, they may see it as you being passive aggressive or if you don't have the right tone they may not think your joking at all, it depends on how well you think you could pull that off, I know I couldn't and would just end up sounding like I'm complaining.

 

[2010Dolby]

First, I think that its generally best to not tell your boss of any disrespect unless it gets really bad. I've noticed that if someone tells a coach/teacher/boss of disrespect then it usually makes it worse for that individual in a lot of ways.

Second, I think disrespect is a very loosely defined word. Too me, disrespect is simply anything that someone says or does that effects me in a way that lacks respect. This'll vary from person to person based on what your relationship is with the other guy and what you personally think is offensive. For example, I was raised to say "sir" or "ma'am" to my superiors. Some people around here weren't taught to do that I see it as a bit disrespectful when they're talking to a police officer and say, "Sorry, dude". I think theres to many variables to give a solid opinion of whats disrespectful.

 

[Spinning Compass]

. . . "the most insidious type of abuse . . . " That hits the nail squarely on the head. We all know it's happening but try to convince others that it is.

Anyway, since I have already said that I haven't experienced or witnessed anything it would be counterproductive to go to the supervisor now and make a complaint. It's annoying but I've had worse experiences with bullying; these two people aren't even amateurs when it comes to that. So I don't dignify it with a response. Although I did say to the one person when she came up behind me and started talking very loudly in my ear that I was not deaf. There were witnesses so maybe that did get back to the department head.

But I suspect it either had to do with my friend who was recently fired, or it is very possible that our special guests last week overheard or saw something. It was a family whose daughter has a rare genetic disease and we are testing some drugs that show promise for helping people like her. She is in a wheelchair and maybe they overheard someone saying something rude about that or about handicapped people in general--after all the word "retard" is thrown about quite freely without any consideration for whether someone might be listening who has had negative experiences with that word. I'm sure that sooner or later someone will spill the beans about what prompted this e-mail. I do have some sources I can discretely ask.

 

[Bay]

I think I'd send an email back asking for some examples, or maybe give some examples, using your own situation to gauge whether that is grounds for a complaint. So asking something like "Could you give me an idea of what you class as rude or disrespectful? A joke between workmates could be taken as offensive or rude by others who overhear, how about a situation such as (then give your name thing as the example and ask if that would be grounds for complaint)...do you have guidelines about what is considered unacceptable so I know what I'm looking out for? etc etc"

Gomendosi's idea of jokingly bringing up the stretching your name out thing could backfire, they may see it as you being passive aggressive or if you don't have the right tone they may not think your joking at all, it depends on how well you think you could pull that off, I know I couldn't and would just end up sounding like I'm complaining.

I agree that asking for clarification of the memo makes sense, especially since some of your coworkers have also found it to be less than clear. Examples, specifics, etc. Since it seems that everyone is a little perplexed, it may have nothing to do with anything that has even happened. Human Resources departments are notorious for this sort of conversation about vaguely defined problems.

 

[Spinning Compass]

Well, I got an answer of sorts. Apparently human resources has been hearing a lot of complaints in exit interviews that certain supervisors have been behaving in a rude and disrespectful manner, screaming at people, and so forth. When they asked people why did they wait until the exit interview to bring it up, they were told that people were afraid to bring these things up because first of all they wouldn't be listened to and secondly they would be branded as a troublemaker. However, once they decided to quit, then they felt safe to spill the beans.

Interestingly enough, since that e-mail went out I haven't had any more trouble with the two jokers that were being disrespectful to me. I wonder why?