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Hugs!! From my female friend twice already.

Tony Ramirez

Tony Ramirez

Forever Alone Aspie
V.I.P Member
This is the second time that she hugged me. The first time was after prayer two weeks ago when I was feeling sad. Then I did not see in in two weeks and told her everything about how I felt and she really cared. She was even happy about the future Easter plans that we were going to be doing together. Then when she was leaving she again gave me a hug, it was the same hug where I put my hands behind her head. I normally hate hugs but I felt fine hugging her. It actually made me feel calmer. Strange right.
 
She has such a nice smile. Such a calm voice. I feel I can talk to her and not feel that nervous. I never told her about my autism but I told her about how I am disabled and broken. I did mention so many things that point to autism and she is a smart girl so she must know. But she still wants to talk to me. She still wants to hang out with me Easter weekend. She would not hug me. So I don't think I bothers her.
 
She sounds really nice, Tony. And it seems like you can be real with her, and let her see when you feel low or broken. That's good. You have really worked hard to get to be able to do that. I am very glad for you.
 
Not to get spiritual so don't move this but I actually prayed for this for a long time. For something just like this.
 
Yes, we wouldn't want to express ourselves too openly, would we? But that's wonderful! I've been praying for you too.
 
There are many possible reasons.

In your situation, I'd take steps to find out indirectly, but I know the moves.

The most important thing for you to understand right now, by far, is that she feels safe with you.
Apart from that it could simply be friendly gesture - someone who's from that kind of culture, or is naturally "touchy", giving you a friendly goodbye hug.

Note that "feeling safe" is based on predictability. It doesn't mean she doesn't have a personal motive outside of, or in addition to friendship.

Ambiguous? Yes.

Welcome to the next stage of decoding indirect communication. In a complex environment like a medium to large modern city, there is no consistency in F->M indirect communication. In this respect, M<->M is much simpler.
And now that it's literally dangerous to make mistakes, you must not make any assumptions. You'll need to figure out a way to ask without disturbing the current state of your friendly relationship.

I can't tell you the words for this in a reasonable amount of time, and with reasonable confidence you'll execute correctly. Remember, NT's your age have been working on this for 30 years already. As an Aspie I've been working on it for about that long - now I know what to do, but it's still not entirely "natural" for me
 
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I'm not saying anything to her about why she hugs me. I even looked it up online and they recommended that. What are they crazy. Even though she is super nice too me I still won't ask her. I do think it's because she trusts me. I really did open up to her so she knows I am a good person.

Also forgot to say the last two times she did hug me was when I did open up more in a conversation about how depressed I was. So maybe it is trust,
 
There are many possible scenarios.

Best fit on current data is that she likes having someone to support and sympathize with.
There's name for the normal version of this, but I've forgotten it. Think of it as a "caring personality".

But this is hard to test for. If it's true, but she doesn't understand her nature, it's hard to find simple questions that will give easily interpreted answers.

It's easier to ask someone to have sex with you than it is to test for that kind of scenario :)
 
Be wary with hugs. Not too much pressure, not too long etc. I wouldnt hug someone I don't completely trust.
 
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Reading this
https://www.lovepanky.com/men/understanding-women/types-of-hugs-a-woman-gives-what-they-meanNumber 5 explains a lot. When I first opened up on prayer night and exchanged numbers she did not hug me that night. As I opened up to more messaging. Then during the baptism when she heard my testimony and cried. Then I saw her after thinking she missed it she hugged me for the first time.

The second time was this Sunday when I explained some deep stuff to her after she just randomly hugged me again.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
how do you feel this has affected your self-esteem and emotional health now?
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It makes me feel accepted. All my life those type of people ostracized me, treated me like dirt by giving me mean stairs and just ignored me even when I would sit next to them all through an entire semester.

I still have two women from church that do that too me now but I avoid them now. If they come to any events or house events I just avoid, don't speak to them since they ignore me anyway and I stop even sitting next to them like I use to since like college they would ignore me when I did and it made me so depressed. Just read my post history from the late fall of last year.
 
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Yes channel your attention on people who like you and respond. It's easy to get caught up In thinking about people who are just not interested in being friends or chatting. Who knows the reasons, it's their junk not yours. You're a great person!
 
What a bunch of crap. Hugs were a ploy to screw with my emotions. When she texted me back saying that she did not want anything not even a friendship to even hang out and to just be "church friends" meaning just to talk after service for a few minutes then say goodbye I now know her true intentions. Once again I put my trust in someone and I get betrayed.

I wish I never signed up for the hour long prayer at 5 am with her. I could have signed up with the British woman who just came back from Florida who I approached at the coffee hour at church last year, is my age group and also single. Stupid but it's too late.
 
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Tony Ramirez said:
What a bunch of crap. Hugs were a ploy to screw with my emotions. When she texted me back saying that she did not want anything not even a friendship to even hang out and to just be "church friends" meaning just to talk after service for a few minutes then say goodbye I now know her true intentions. Once again I put my trust in someone and I get betrayed.

I wish I never signed up for the hour long prayer at 5 am with her. I could have signed up with the British woman who just came back from Florida who I approached at the coffee hour at church last year, is my age group and also single. Stupid but it's too late.
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I know that you are feeling hurt right now, but I would encourage you to be aware of undue anger. From everything you shared, it does not sound like she was “screwing with your emotions” or working with some kind of hidden agenda. Based on the way you described things, she was acting as a kind and caring person and the emphasis was on a platonic relationship. Right now, she has set a clear boundary and she is communicating that with you. I understand this is a disappointment to you, but it is not fair to her to make her a villain now. There is nothing in what you shared that suggests that she betrayed you. Telling yourself this story will continue the hurt and let anger fester.
 
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