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HURT BY LOVED ONES

I think many of us on the spectrum experience at least some conflict with our loved ones.
As for me, I will honestly say that my relationship with the younger of my two elder step-sisters is far from a harmonious one.
 
AGXStarseed said:
I think many of us on the spectrum experience at least some conflict with our loved ones.
As for me, I will honestly say that my relationship with the younger of my two elder step-sisters is far from a harmonious one.
Click to expand...

I'm learning that my best friend/roommate is a narcissist who says very hurtful things at times but then showers me with an overwhelming amount of care. its confusing
 
Sadly I know this situation very well,I have been hurt by my family numerous of times my late dad was very verbally and emotionally abusive to me he would say things about my appearance and say things like I had nothing going for me and he use to pick on me for my interests like mythology or comic books and even called me a nerd a few times,my mum was at times loving but she was also very manipulative and loves using emotional blackmail if you don't do what she wants.she also use to gamble away our rent money on the poker machines aswell,I am recovering from the abuse I got from members of my family and it's one of the reasons why I also have C-PTSD along with other traumas I experienced and because of that I have a distant and strained relationship with the rest of my family,it's sad when you cannot trust those who are meant to be the closest to you.
 
I'mconstantly being called a stupid *****, worthless, retarded, pathetic, accused a everything I do is just trying to take advantage of someone or hurt someone, constantly being called a manipulater, I couldn't manipulate someone for my benefit no matter how much I tried or wanted too. I'm so sick of everything I just want to be done.
 
My family were both psychologically and physically abusive so much I have scars which make it impossible to fully trust anyone anymore. Since it was from birth I probably haven't actually trusted anyone ever.
 
Oh yes! I know that my husband loves me, but he hurts me so much, that sometimes I just feel I am going to collapse.

He cannot get the concept that I am not aware of taking him literally and so, every time it happens, he gets very angry with me and says that why should he have to make the effort with me? Why can't I make the effort with him? After all, I insist that my brain is just wired differently, so therefore, I have no excuses to be contrary.

I try to explain that I am not even aware that I take him literally; just as I am unaware that I am shouting, despite having moved to the same room as he! I said that if he just smile and say: darling you can lower your voice now, then it will somehow trigger my brain and I can then lower my voice. He does sometimes, but most times, just scowls at me, as though I am dilberately going out of my way to cause contention.

He was the one who alerted me that I take things literally, for I had no idea before then. He tried to challenge me and say: so if someone said: put your hand in that burning fire, you are going to do it, because you take them literally? I said: of course not; but in my head I do see the hand in the burning fire!

It is so very hard living with someone who does not wish to try and understand! I groan that I have found out I have aspergers, because it just adds more fuel to an already very hot fire!
 
peoplesrjames said:
I'm learning that my best friend/roommate is a narcissist who says very hurtful things at times but then showers me with an overwhelming amount of care. its confusing
Click to expand...

I am married to a narcissist and his pattern is exactly the same and I get horribly confused too.
 
Yes, I agree with this. I think it is because with "loved ones" people feel more open, more able to express honest opinions, less likely to filter thoughts before opening their mouths... There is less of a need to be polite for the sake of social harmony with someone who can be expected to stick around because they are family. It's easy to take "loved ones" for granted, and I've been guilty of that myself.

I also think that parents can react badly when their children don't turn out the way they expect/hope. It took my dad a long time to accept it when my brother revealed he is gay, for example. So I think there is an element of this in abusive parents of autistics. Look at the kind of negative attitudes that "Autism Speaks" fosters! Hardly helpful.

And finally, I suspect that there is a genetic link to autism, and there are two aspects to this. First, having an autistic child could make parents question themselves... They may not be able to cope with this. Second, those of us who are parents often find parenting more of a challenge than NT parents do. (For me "challenge" is a huge understatement...) So if our parents are Aspie/Autie or have such traits, that is going to impact on parenting.

(I find it has been really helpful to me to analyse the reasons why my parents may have treated me the way they did for so long.)
 
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