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I am confused by this lady's behavior.

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J

Julie Gross

None Of Your Business
This person claims she is a "healer" and she is a Native American. She claims she is a family friend and have known us for years. She comes to my house and she works on me. I haven't seen her in several years and now during our session she accused me of being "angry" and she accused me of being immature. She doesn't think I am an adult. I don't know why she thinks this.

But she says all these good things to my face and then she says mean things. I can't keep up with her. This isn't the first time I have been accused of being angry. People have accused me of this before. It seems to have got to do with my tone of voice. People tell me to chill out.

I don't get social cues. I don't understand what's going on. Because I felt I was just being normal and then I feel like I get accused for at random. People think I am getting angry and yelling. But I don't feel angry when I am talking. I am monotone.

I tried to explain to this person that came over to my house that I have autism and she's like no you don't. It made me very frustrated. By that point she was mad at me and started going on and on about how I am immature and how I can't work with you when your angry. She says your hurting me and I was confused because it seem to happen out of the blue in my perspective. She sounded critical and manipulative.

Sometimes she even sounds like she wants to control me. She started telling me I was negligent about things and she was very critical of me. I wish I never told her things. It was my mistake to trust her.

My sisters told me she talked behind my back about me saying how immature I was and how she was worried about me being antisocial and she accuses me of not being social when I have friends and I met a lot of people and I am very popular. She doesn't know me. I wrote her an email and she wrote me back I basically told her and explained to her how I felt and how she made me feel.

Her reply back was very similar to what she said during the session except more in detail. She thinks I was being very immature and she accused me of yelling at her and being angry. I told her I was expressing myself and she said what I did was very unhealthy and she then when on to say that if want to work with me again I am here and then she told me that if you want to find someone else then do it and then she was telling me what to do.

I told her in the previous email that I don't want to work with her again and the whole email was about me telling her how I felt. Her responses were her telling me the same thing back to me and telling me what to do. Also denying that she did what my sisters told me.

I just don't get it. I am very confused.
I am just trying to understand what's going on.

I am wondering if there is anyone out there that might understand what I am going through because I want to find someone to relate to. Thank you.
 
Eye witnesses are unreliable because they truly don't remember what actually happened. Most only remember what they felt when it happened, then they fill in the details with what they assume must have happened to make them feel that way and what other people told them after the fact. NTs are completely ethnocentric. They assume others will react the same way they would in a similar situation, but I am ambibrained, so I don't. Back in college, my professors scientifically tested me and found I was using the right and left side of my brain equally. I was told that 97% of the population favored one side or the other. This gave me the unique perspective of clearly understanding all 3 sides of the story - his side, her side and the TRUTH. People who don't want to deal with the truth don't want me around. Until I found out I was an Aspie, I didn't realize my lack of popularity was due to my lack of deceitfulness and prejudice. I am very observant and honest, which makes others uncomfortable. I learned to keep my mouth shut but that didn't help either. People who were proud of what they did liked me for noticing and people who were ashamed of themselves hated me for being there when they embarassed themselves.

For half a century, no one , including myself, even realized I had Asperger's Syndrome because everybody who knew my situation figured I was just worthless damaged goods like any of the other millions of abused children who grew up shunned by society. After being socially and emotionally amputated, it took me over half a century to figure out I wasn't just born unwelcome, unwanted, and unloved. I have an unusual brain that makes it impossible to function as a typical dishonest unkind irrational illogical human being. I was so used to being mistreated that it took decades of being all alone out there to finally realize I was constantly being misquoted, misjudged, misinterpreted and maliciously maligned not only by the people the state assigned to raise me but by everybody else too. Not only were those who knew me well treating me the exact opposite of what I deserved, but also complete strangers kept lying to and about me, insisting I had said or done or FELT something I definitely hadn't. My words and deeds were identical to what beloved successful people said and did, the only difference was that others were rewarded and I was punished for doing good. Whenever I was invited into a personal or professional relationship, I always gave the other person exactly what they said they wanted and did exactly what they hired me to do but when it was their turn to deliver their part of the bargain, they reneged claiming it was my fault they decided not to keep their promise. To this day, everyone who has chosen to harm me still refuses to tell me what it was they imagined I did wrong. When I insisted on a why, if they even answered at all, it was maybe a vague "You know why!" or sometimes a "It's not you. It's me." I was always used just long enough to get the job done and fix everyone else's problems, then discarded everytime, no reason given. Decades passed with never any explanation for all the betrayals. Perhaps they didn't know why. Since I had done nothing wrong, they just couldn't figure out why they suddenly decided they hated me - just that they did. Haters gotta hate. Right? Who better than someone they don't like for not being like them. I'm just not like normal people but it's OK to be better than normal. Isn't it?
 
Many people do what is called “projection”. I dont know all the psycho talk, but in general it means that when someone can’t deal with their own emotions or flaws or whatever, they see it in someone else.
For example, she is angry and immature (obvious to me as an observer) so she tells you that YOU are angry and immature. I don’t know if this is done on a consious level or not, I’m not a psychiatrist, but I’ve seen it often enough to recognize it when I see it.
It is not a sign of mental health and I would avoid her like the plague because she is just as unhealthy for you as the plague.
The reason you are confused is simple, it doesn’t make sense! She is wrong about you, was wrong to blame you for an emotion that you didn’t have anyway and she was very disrespectful when you told her about your autism.
My therapist told me a long time ago that sometimes people look angry when they are frightened. I forgot why this is, something about animals are frightened before they attack? That sounds weird but anyway, trust yourself, not this antisocial, immature, manipulative and angry woman. You said you felt manipulated, that was your moment of clarity!
 
Yes, please go to a Medical Professional; I'm Native Canadian myself and please forgive this persons actions, i assure you many of us Natives aren't so "accusive"; most people like this self proclaimed Healer are just conning peeps. Had someone like that here on the forums a few weeks or so ago trying to get people to send the Poster photos of their face which was a big Red Flag.
 
What a horrible situation! My first instinct for the OP is that this could well be an attempt at manipulation. I don't know what she stands to gain by undermining you and attempting to drive a wedge between you and your family but that is clearly what she's trying to achieve. Steer clear!
If a therapist spotted signs of immaturity or anger they would ask you questions, open you up and allow you to realise it for yourself. They may guide you to that possibility and try to help you address it if you see it in yourself, but they would not make accusations of you the way this "healer" has done.
As others have said, if you WANT help, look elsewhere.

@TempeFan you raise some interesting points worthy of discussion which may be worth a thread of their own :)
 
Narcissist in action from the sound of it and a heck of a lot of gaslighting going on.

She is false and you need to get her out of your life!
 
You are better off without her.

Just one word: ignorance. People have no idea what autism means, or they thing that because they watched some documentary or TV show with a stereotypical autistic person, that they know what it means and are qualified to pass judgement.

Yesterday, I was accused of exaggerating by my doctor. She phoned me when I was in the bus, and I couldn't make out what she was saying over the noise. Then, to make things worse, the ticket inspector came by in the middle of it and started to shout at me and poke me with his finger. She (the doctor) told me "don't you think you are exaggerating this a bit?" No, I don't think I'm exaggerating - I literally CANNOT understand what she is saying with this jerk of a ticket inspector shouting at me and poking me. He could of moved on to the other passengers and come back to me, but no, he had to keep on at me.

Afterwards I held out my ticket for the inspector to check, but he didn't even take it. A**hole.
 
Told you you don't have autism? ROFL... That is a giant red flag at least to me. People who refuse to accept have no space in my life, I don't have time for that crap.
 
fyi
- being intense can be seen as being 'angry'
- getting sensory overload which causes more tense interaction with others can be seen as 'angry'
- some of our behaviour can be seen as 'not adult' by people that don't understand that some behaviours/situations are untenable for us
 
Julie Gross said:
This person claims she is a "healer" and she is a Native American. She claims she is a family friend and have known us for years. She comes to my house and she works on me. I haven't seen her in several years and now during our session she accused me of being "angry" and she accused me of being immature. She doesn't think I am an adult. I don't know why she thinks this.

But she says all these good things to my face and then she says mean things. I can't keep up with her. This isn't the first time I have been accused of being angry. People have accused me of this before. It seems to have got to do with my tone of voice. People tell me to chill out.

I don't get social cues. I don't understand what's going on. Because I felt I was just being normal and then I feel like I get accused for at random. People think I am getting angry and yelling. But I don't feel angry when I am talking. I am monotone.

I tried to explain to this person that came over to my house that I have autism and she's like no you don't. It made me very frustrated. By that point she was mad at me and started going on and on about how I am immature and how I can't work with you when your angry. She says your hurting me and I was confused because it seem to happen out of the blue in my perspective. She sounded critical and manipulative.

Sometimes she even sounds like she wants to control me. She started telling me I was negligent about things and she was very critical of me. I wish I never told her things. It was my mistake to trust her.

My sisters told me she talked behind my back about me saying how immature I was and how she was worried about me being antisocial and she accuses me of not being social when I have friends and I met a lot of people and I am very popular. She doesn't know me. I wrote her an email and she wrote me back I basically told her and explained to her how I felt and how she made me feel.

Her reply back was very similar to what she said during the session except more in detail. She thinks I was being very immature and she accused me of yelling at her and being angry. I told her I was expressing myself and she said what I did was very unhealthy and she then when on to say that if want to work with me again I am here and then she told me that if you want to find someone else then do it and then she was telling me what to do.

I told her in the previous email that I don't want to work with her again and the whole email was about me telling her how I felt. Her responses were her telling me the same thing back to me and telling me what to do. Also denying that she did what my sisters told me.

I just don't get it. I am very confused.
I am just trying to understand what's going on.

I am wondering if there is anyone out there that might understand what I am going through because I want to find someone to relate to. Thank you.
Click to expand...
I'll never figure out people and their motivations. Honestly, if she is causing you that kind of headache, it might be time to part ways. She doesn't seem too mentally stable.
 
Part of it is probably sexism. In our society when women aren't all smiley and emotional they are thought of as angry or cold. Women are expected to be the sentimental emotional ones, so when we go against the mold we're criticized. It's just silly outdated gender norms that have nothing to do with you.

Also, some people are just judgemental morons who don't want to try to understand people, they just want to throw people into boxes and tell them what to do. They have very rigid ideas of how people should act and when they don't they'll become unbearable. Avoid these people as best as you can. In situations where you have to deal with them, just act like you don't care. Play along and be like, "Mhm. Okay, boss." If they have valid points, consider them, but don't feed into them if they're just trying to screw with you.
 
The immaturity thing. There is a difference between being child like and childish. I’ve been told I'm both because people use these terms interchangeably.

I laugh easily, clap my hands whenever I see something that strikes me as cute, interesting, clever, well stated, athletic feats or sweet revenge. Example: A favorite movie is on in 10 minutes...yay clap clap clap. Silly I know but harmless.

So maturity would be to see a litter of puppies and say, oh cute puppies, what are we doing today? Lol, I would squeal with delight!

So maturity in my opinion is highly overrated.
 
Yes... i feel ya.
I think it's within our nature to blame ourselves but sometimes it's just the other person that is a piece of... work.

My roommate for example assumes i break things. Day one of moving in their washing machine broke. I brought all clean clothes so didn't even use it or go near it. All of a sudden she formed a confirmation bias "[person] breaks things!" So anytime anything broke in the place or seemed off it was my fault. Never actually broke anything until 8 months later. She had a field day with her delusions finally being validated.
The type of person where NOBODY can tell her anything. She knows everything in the world (yet completely rejects logic) ... has a low i.q and never studies or reads any books. Absolutely nothing to warrant the attitude of a know-it-all.
She kept prodding one day for me to tell her why i am the way i am, my PTSD events / story. Acts supportive to my face of course but when in the next room talking with her husband. " I don't believe him ". The worst words you could hear when you finally open to someone about something so tragic. Also i don't know if this is because i grew up with all women and have some feminine mannerisms or not but she thinks i'm gay and she told all her friends that. So now whenever they come by they look for things associated with gay then make light jokes about it. Like techno music. or if they drop by when i'm eating something healthy i.e eating greens.

Point is there are just some really stupid, ignorant and vile people in the world. It's hard not to be influenced by them and saying " Oh just don't care what they think about you!" doesn't help at all unless someone offers a step by step guide on how to do so, and you value this change enough to put in the work. =\ Which, at the end of the day is usually so low on the list priorities.

Sorry this reply is a little long winded and filled with some of my own junk but it was situations that i thought relate to yours. Some if not most spiritual healers are scam artists. There are a few who are legitimate but it's not that common. These people tend to be authoritative, like doctors. If you don't buy into them or their methods 100% they may read your body language or the situation and start doing some manipulative things. Psychiatrists are notorious for this.
 
There is this lady that comes to my house to work on me and she has very confusing behaviors that I don’t understand.

Before anyone gets at me about the specifics this is all I can remember.

First off everything she does is out of the blue. It seems so random and alien to me. She accuses me of being angry when I am not.

She denies me having autism.
When it’s certainly obvious and I was diagnosed.

She doesn’t believe in labels which seems strange to me. I don’t get what she is even talking about.

She starts talking over me and won’t stop talking and she repeats the same thing over and over and whispers to herself under breath random insults. She tries to pick a fight and yells at me out of nowhere when I am just sitting there calmly. It is completely one sided because I am clueless and I don’t know what is going on.

She says I am immature when I wasn’t the one being angry or talking and not giving the other person a chance to talk she is the one who did all that.

She accuses me of being negligent and saying that’s how the world is when I don’t know what she says this I was just venting out loud which I thought I was entitled to do because it was my session.

When she accuses you of being uncooperative she goes on and on and makes a big deal out of it.


she takes everything I say out of context and as it is when I don’t entirely say what I feel because she never lets me talk because she talks over me.

She thinks I do things for her or because she said so when I am actually doing it for me and because I came up with it and that pissed me off.

She bosses me around. I called her out on it and she denies it and then she says I know and she continues to boss me around.
She is very controlling.

She touches me when I didn’t realize she was going to and I was confused by this.
I felt she is A Pervy old lady because she never warned me she was going to and she never asked she just did and she almost kissed me too and said she knew me for a long time but she never listens and gives me a chance to talk how can she know me.

She is a weirdo and a creepy I have a bad feeling about her because it seems like she likes to try things on me and it creeped me out.

I am nonverbal and people like her assume I am shy and an introvert when I am not. It annoys me.

She says people treat me a certain way because I look young and I thought that was a weird response because I can’t help the way I look what does that have to do with anything.

It seems to be she thinks the world revolves around her. But I don’t know. She points out my flaws and criticizes me and she talks behind my back. At first she compliments me and then insults me and so random.

It feels like she is manipulating me, gaslighting me and abusive towards me.

She punishes me for being angry when I wasn’t and say it will go straight to my heart which I don’t know why she told me this stuff for.
I am filled with rage because of people like her.

She cane overnight and I was in the middle of a meltdown and she didn’t even care she just accused me and says it feels like you are directing it towards me when that’s all she cares about and not how I feel?

What’s wrong with her?? What makes her do that I don’t understand.
She does this thing where she uses my words and takes them as hers and says them at me and I don’t know why she does this.

She thinks she has a right to do anything because she is an elder but if I do it it’s wrong and she thinks you can’t abuse another adult when you can.

She brags about her IQ being high but insults my intelligence.I don’t get it.

She insults me for being a Christian and thinks I am much more than that which I don’t get what she even is talking about. How can you be much more than a Christian? I am not anything but one.
What is so wrong being a Christian I can be whatever I want but she wants me to be what she wants and I don’t like her for it.

There she goes again denying my reality or something and it feels like she hates me because she treats me like crap and she is inappropriate towards me and she says she teaches about love but doesn’t treat me good at all.
She believes that spiritual crap but I don’t and she thinks what she is so much better??

She doesn’t accept me for who I am and I am beyond frustrated. I don’t care it’s just at the time she tried to upset me on purpose.

She also pointed out that I say sorry a lot when I can’t help repeat stuff and she also judges me for how I act and judges everything I do and I don’t understand why she scrutinizes me too. I don’t like feeling like a rat in a cage.

She expects me to act the way she wants me to act and judges me for not doing so.
I am not there to please her but she thinks I am?? I wasn’t even trying to and that pissed me off.

She likes to do most of the talking but I don’t want to hear it. I am sick of it.
I don’t like hearing her opinions but she says them anyway. I thought it was none of my business she thinks of me and she says it.

I need to talk to someone about her because what she does really confuses me so much and it makes my head spin.

Why do people like her give dirty looks? I don’t understand that either. She gave me a dirty look but she calls me immature and what not and that doesn’t make any sense.
I don’t agree with her at all but she expects me to listen and she doesn’t listen to me.


Everything I say she denies that it is even going on and I am just stating how I feel.Also she says I was hurting her when I wasn’t the one doing anything. How can I hurt her when I was doing anything int he first place.

I really needed to rant too.
 
Crossbreed said:
She sounds like an autism quack. Seek out an autism-competent provider.
Click to expand...

My response isn't so polite ............. she sounds like a total @$$h0le. Abusive on so many levels!

Who is she and why is she in your life? If she's an 'autism quack' as suggested above, surely she's accountable to someone? Can you just show what you've posted above to that 'someone'?
 
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