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I am new and need insight.

G

GlennThomas40

New Member
I am a 40 years old, recently diagnosed as high functioning, I have got by for most of my life, but with many disconnection difficulties. I am trying to mend some, particularly with my recently reconnected brother who has been helping me. He's by been a life line really, without him I dont know where I would be. But for years he has attributed my difficulties as our deceased mother's bad parenting and me being oblivious, selfish and a chosen: insert ungrateful adjective here.

For a long time I have felt helpless and awful. Like he's always mad at me and I never understand why till he screaming and wanting to be done with me. I still feel this way and it's still happening on a given basis. I just can't get things right and I've tried to explain myself but it just comes out wrong.

My diagnosis is new, and explains much, and I've tried telling him, but he still doesnt understand. That, all I need to do is pay attention and straighten out. Please, I need advice on this. We have a younger cousin frankie who is also on the spectrum, and Jay says that he has been taught to function.

My brother"s not a bad guy, but he's constantly disappointed, mad and frustrated with me. Making me feel like an child, but he's also the only family I have. Really, the only one I have. Please give me advice.
 
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Hi Glenn

Welcome to this place.

Hang around here and look up some of the older threads - there is much wisdom there.
Getting family to understand is not always easy and they come with their understanding (or not). I am recently diagnosed and find the whole getting others to understand not easy. They think they know but they don't really.

Have a look at some of the videos from Autistamatic on youtube - there is good stuff there.
 
Hi Glenn - Welcome! I was recently diagnosed (officially), and that changes nothing for me. I do, though, now feel that pursuing a greater understanding of myself is important. As I am already in my 60s, most of my life has already been played out. I believe that you should understand exactly what ASD does to you and take charge of what you can do to understand, manage, and apply it to your life as you see fit. The rest of the world may find the topic of ASD interesting, maybe, they don't like excuses for weird behavior, moods, or strong opinions. I have no idea what your brother complains about, unless he is the brother who always told you what to do and chastises you for failure. It would make sense to step away from that. He might have the right intentions, but his inability to grasp the reality of ASD isn't going to change his message.

For your sake, learn to understand what it is that makes you who you are. You don't have to copy the behavior of others to enjoy life and make your own decisions, but it is important that you be aware of your abilities and drawbacks as they pertain to your life direction and ability to reach your own goals. Looking back at my own life, I would have been more selective about what I got involved with rather than try everything. But, by trying everything, I learned where my deficiencies exist. As they say "You don't know until you try". I like adventure and experiences, so I don't regret trying.

For some strange reason, failure seems to weigh heavier on the scale than success. I was so focused on what I couldn't do that I accepted success as the standard, nothing special. That's a rough one to maintain in life. Had I known about my ASD, I would have avoided certain pursuits for very good reasons - I don't like it, I can't do it, or it does nothing for me. I needed to pay a lot of attention to my own needs and stop doing what everyone else says or wants. Having ADD, I was always being thrown off track. I suggest that you be selective about your endeavors and not concern yourself with the approval of others. Your brother is still your brother, but I believe that with time he will come to respect you, with or without your faults, and see the independent, capable person he knows you can be. Be patient with him too. He doesn't know any better. You do.
 
GlennThomas40 said:
I am a 40 years old, recently diagnosed as high functioning, I have got by for most of my life, but with many disconnection difficulties. I am trying to mend some, particularly with my recently reconnected brother who has been helping me. He's by been a life line really, without him I dont know where I would be. But for years he has attributed my difficulties as our deceased mother's bad parenting and me being oblivious, selfish and a chosen: insert ungrateful adjective here.

For a long time I have felt helpless and awful. Like he's always mad at me and I never understand why till he screaming and wanting to be done with me. I still feel this way and it's still happening on a given basis. I just can't get things right and I've tried to explain myself but it just comes out wrong.

My diagnosis is new, and explains much, and I've tried telling him, but he still doesnt understand. That, all I need to do is pay attention and straighten out. Please, I need advice on this. We have a younger cousin frankie who is also on the spectrum, and Jay says that he has been taught to function.

My brother"s not a bad guy, but he's constantly disappointed, mad and frustrated with me. Making me feel like an child, but he's also the only family I have. Really, the only one I have. Please give me advice.
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Does your brother know you are an Aspie? Maybe if he read up on it then he could understand more.... It is hard for people without ASD to understand things... took me a while to understand my son who has ASD. Give him some things to read up on it and maybe that will help? I have started to understand my son because of this forum and the kind people who have helped me understand a little more so I can be understanding of him. Our relationship wasn't bad before but it is so much better now that we BOTH understand his ASD.
 
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