I am so lonely i dont feel introverted anymore i need people

[Kevlin]

i need to build a connection with someone but I probably wont ever build one with anybody again I haven't been able to since I was 16 I lost my ability to keep friends really I get acquantences then I am just a loner and sad and lonely all the time I want a girlfriend to cure my lonliness really I am sad

 

[Ereth]

Romantic relationships are no more a cure for loneliness than snake oil is. You need to learn how to be comfortable with yourself, because there's no guarantee you'll be with anybody forever. I'm not saying you need to live in complete solitude, but I assure you that romance is no miracle cure for anything.

 

[Aspieistj]

If you want to have friends and relationships you have to participate with other people. I deliberately choose to be alone but I could easily join others if I chose. Are you in school? Join a club, go to church, take a class in something that interests you. Do some volunteer work. When I was young and wanted to date I used to walk my dog at the beach. Sooner or later, someone would approach the dog and I could start a conversation. I was able to get dates that way. I was an Aspie then even if I didn't know it and I didn't become a social butterfly, but I did get chances to talk to people and try to for friendships. Is it possible to find and join an Aspie support group where you live? Do you have a job? Anything that you can do that places you with other people will provide possibilities. Good luck!

 

[Kevlin]

I go back to CC in 2 months til then its loneliness and my mom is horrible and don't give a **** that I spent everyday in my man cave room crying on the internet and I am almost 19 and have no license cuz my mom wont let me drive her car and she all I got

 

[Sander]

I know, this may sound rude, but it's meant in a good way. Stop whining about it!
I'll tell you what I mean with that.
Don't be so sad about this time in life, it won't help you and you'll only get more depressed.
First, learn to be happy or at least happier if you are lonely like you are right now. I achieved it by looking at the small but simple things in life that make a big difference, than you discover how important you actually are!

So you have to be happy without friends before you can really start a friendship/relationship. If you are sad and down, no one wants to be friends with you, if they see you are improving they will, because no NT really want's a depressed friend. And I'm speaking from my own personal experience.

Also don't expect to have friends the second you are in college again. It simply doesn't work that way.

What I advise you to do is to at least take a little walk once every two days to look at the world around you, look at the nature, the animals and the people around you. Enjoy it. Don't think about how lonely you are, think about how happy you are to be able to live on this earth, or even in America! A lot of kids live in Africa and I bet they would kill for the luxury and life you have, because they hardly have any food or water.

Think about that, and than think about how your quality of life is.

 

[Licorice]

Are you just out of high school? I think it gets harder to make friends once you leave because you either don't have an environment where you're always seeing people or you're in a totally different environment (college, workforce, etc). I have trouble making friends now, too.

 

[Kevlin]

i got out of high school a year ago I never met anyone at college really I go back in the fall.

 

[gregmcph]

I find I work best with light swipes with the rest of humanity.

Complete Isolation has a physical feel of suction on my soul. A painful need to hear a friendly voice. But I also have a low overload limit for too much of people noise.

I'm a fussy bugger.

I never solved that teen loneliness thing, so no good advice. I just lucked into bumping into the right people.

 

[grommet]

Kevlin, it's okay, you are going to be fine. You're feeling a lot right now and it seems like things won't change. They can and they will.

Social skills keep up apart from others. So often we miss that part and think there is something wrong with us or other people. Don't worry right now, I know that's hard to do. What you need to do is practice your social skills. Go to a public place where you feel safer than other places and say something to someone. It may not go well, your tone may not make them comfortable or you might be abrupt, there are mistakes to be made but it you approach someone you don't know just for the sake of making a comment and it doesn't go well (they give you a strange look or ignore you), you can move on. Rest for a bit then find some one else. Any comment is fine, like asking them what the time is or if they think it's hot in here. Just the one comment then as best you can be polite, nod an acknowledgment to them showing you heard their reply and move on.

Practice these little encounters with people who don't matter to you. Don't go up to a girl you have a huge crush on. Just strangers in a safe place like maybe a library. You pick the place. Practice these little encounters. Notice the failures and look for patterns. Do the same with the successes. You've go to do it when it doesn't matter as much to you. Quickly, you will see patterns and learn tricks to making people comfortable hearing you start a conversation. If you practice it will lead to more than one question, a few, then a short conversation. More mistakes, more practice and learning and then you will notice you had a nice conversation with someone. Keep practicing. Get used to working with strangers then when it starts to make sense, try talking to some one you would like to get to know using the same techniques. You can make a lot of progress in a couple of weeks.

This is totally solvable. Going out with the idea of finding a new perfect friend or a girlfriend isn't reasonable yet, you have to build the skills but you can and it can even be fun. It's going to get better.

i need to build a connection with someone but I probably wont ever build one with anybody again I haven't been able to since I was 16 I lost my ability to keep friends really I get acquantences then I am just a loner and sad and lonely all the time I want a girlfriend to cure my lonliness really I am sad

 

[Berianireth]

I think a lot of people struggle with the same feelings at your age, regardless of whether or not they have an ASD. I know this might sound dismissive because you're upset right now, but even a whole lot of people in their 30's and 40's spend most of their time alone. You'll get used to it when you find out what kind of person you are.
However, it is really important that you try to connect with people. The more you try, the easier it is. If you stop now you'll have to start fresh down the road, and you obviously don't want that. Chin up!

 

[cygx]

One of my fixations was getting a girlfriend. I had it at least since I was 4. Throughout school I was obsessed with the idea of it. It hurt me when they pushed me away because I was being too strong with my feelings. I mistook my fixation for genuine love because I didn't know what love was. Into my adolescence I got so pissed off and jealous at everyone I saw who had a girlfriend. I wanted that too. I wanted it so badly, I wanted it more than anything in this world.

During the journey while I was mistaken that my fixation was love, even for one girl after the next, I thought that once I found someone who would accept my full on devotion and not get scared, I would feel complete. Eventually I succeeded. My fixation landed me someone who accepted my obsession. We have been together 5 1/2 years and we never spent a single day apart. We have a kid.

Now that I accomplished what I set out to accomplish for so long, do I feel complete like I thought I would? Well, no. It's just that the fixation I had for so long is gone, so that's a relief, I guess. Sometimes I miss the thrill of feeling excited at some new person who maybe might fill that hole in me. That hole is still there. It won't be filled by a girlfriend. It won't be filled by friends. It won't be filled by anything dealing with other people. I understand now that it can only be filled by my own realization of self.

My point is I think you have this hole as well. You might not be feeling it the same way I did but I don't think the hole will ever really be filled by others for people like us. We need to fill that ourselves, by enriching ourselves with an ever increasing sense of identity. That's what's filling the hole for me, and it's never going to be completely full. There is always more to learn about yourself, and it will make you a better person for others you care for.

The reality is though that we by our very nature are introverted, self absorbed. There's no point in fighting that. That's part of who we are. The sooner we embrace that, the sooner we understand ourselves. The better we understand ourselves, the better we can then be for others.

 

[garnetflower13]

I felt like that for a long,long time. It wasn't until I started forcing myself to leave the computer and go out socially that I met my husband. It turned out that he was going to the same Aspie support group that I was, and he also went to a Meet Up group for socially anxious and shy people. If I hadn't fixed my attitude and started going out of my comfort zone, I would not have met him. Check out Meet up.com and see if there are any groups that you would be interested in. That's the best way to meet people. Bear in mind that I didn't meet my husband right away! I had been going to these groups for about a two years before we met. But also keep in mind that during those two years I was learning to just be with people without the expectation that I would find a boyfriend. I made an agreement with myself that I wouldn't act desperate or needy, and just be open to the experience.Good luck!