I Became Less Shy.

[Daydreamer]

When I was young, I was known as a quiet child. Even when I was a baby this was true, my parents found it odd that I didn't seem to cry all that much. Instead my behaviour seemed to reflect an innate cautiousness, and a tendency to sit in quiet observation. My sister was much more adventurous, and would often try to wander off by herself as a toddler, whereas I would cling to my parents nervously making sure they weren't out of my sight.

Apparently I was fairly well-behaved until I started going to Primary school. That's when my anxieties truly started to reveal themselves. I was almost entirely mute for a while because I felt insecure about my stutter and lisp, also I got nervous around the other kids anyway. After I spent some time in speech therapy I began to open up a bit more, and overtime I gained some friends.

People found me odd because sometimes I would have these bizarrely brave moments even though I tended to act a bit nervous.

When I first joined Secondary school (at eleven years old) I was placed into this class intended for shy students. Apparently they didn't think that I was settling in at school, so they sent me to these sessions on Tuesdays. They were mandatory for certain students (which included me). We mainly had to do trust exercises, and one time we had to talk about ourselves in front of the class.

It was a fairly relaxed atmosphere, and the teacher even offered to talk to our various teachers and get them to give us less homework during the first few weeks of school. The main idea of it was just to get us talking to one another.

I've come a long way since then. Now I find it a lot easier to initiate conversation, and I often have to as I have a tendency to befriend people who are fairly shy, so the bulk of the conversation often relies on me at the start of a new friendship, but usually it becomes more even as we get to know one another. Although, admittedly I still have my moments where I get nervous and start stuttering when talking to cashiers, but I find myself doing that less as time goes on.

How about you?

 

[Pats]

My aunt told me I never cried as a baby - they thought I was a good baby and would just sit in my crib and entertain myself. As a toddler, my mom would bring a washrag to church and I'd spent the entire time quietly cleaning the pew in front of me. Didn't learn to talk until second grade when my mom took me to speech therapy. I'm still shy and quiet around acquaintances and find it easier to just come out and say something to a stranger. Like in an elevator I might ask another person if they've ever seen the movie, "Speed". (because of the elevator scene.) Cant speak up in church, in classes or anything else, but I can say something weird or funny to a stranger.

 

[Fino]

I started out hiding behind my parents just like you, and I screamed and cried to not go to kindergarten, but between kindergarten and fifth grade I became more open, eventually becoming loud and friendly.

When I switched to a different school for sixth grade, none of my friends from my old school went with me to my new school, and from sixth grade to the age of twenty-two, there was always at least one person abusing me in some way, like people passing off a baton, and I didn't really make any new friends. I became quiet and withdrawn by eighth grade and remained quiet until I got a job when I was seventeen. I was outgoing at the job but silent outside of it and continued that until I was twenty-two.

Twenty-two was the first time there wasn't anyone there to keep me quiet, and I slowly became loud again as I made friends for the first time since fifth grade and earlier. But this time the loud friendliness was mixed with anxious fear, so every outburst of joy and friendliness is followed by doubt and apologies.

Now it's that, but a little bit less of the bad stuff.

So if it was a shyness graph, it'd be going up and down like a scary hill!

 

[Nervous Rex]

I have done the opposite. From toddler age through college, I was a loud-mouthed know-it-all. I was a smart aleck with no understanding of social rules and I had no inhibitions in correcting, calling-out, or making jokes about someone. This did not make me popular (a wild understatement), but my craving for attention superseded everything else.

Over the past two decades, I’ve finally been learning to quiet down. I try to speak only when I feel that I can contribute something useful. I still make jokes, but I try to limit them to a few per conversation and no humor at someone else’s expense. I can be content to let a conversation go on without me.

Now, I often make a comment to my wife after a conversation, and she tells me I should have said it. But I didn’t say it because I didn’t know how appropriate it was. So I guess I started loud and am becoming more and more reserved.

 

[Sherlock77]

I approach strangers and ask if I take their photo... Yet at the same time I'm personally a very private person... I am by no means all that outgoing despite what I just said, and often a loner and shy... Somehow my camera acts like a prop for me many times...

 

[Progster]

I always could talk to people as individuals, but could never join in group conversations or activities, and I didn't participate in class discussions. In primary and middle school, I talked to other kids but had social problems, and had more frequent and spectacualr meltdowns. In high school, I was a lot more reserved and barely spoke and people said I was shy, but it was more than that - I felt that there was a barrier between me and the other students, I couldn't connect to them and felt that I was on my own.

 

[Monachopia]

I don't know what I was like when I was little... From what my family said, I was quite boisterous at home, but if anyone 'new' came into the home (a visitor or family friend) I'd become very shy and hide. School was hard and making friends seemed like an impossible task. The only way I knew to get attention from the other kids was by actions, I was the top of my class in most subjects and they'd always want me to draw something for them... But that didn't get me friends, they just wanted to get the right answer or wanted to see a drawing. I always felt different because I had one living parent and that maybe scared some other kids. At break, all I remember would be hanging out at the side of the playground not understanding how to join in their games..

When I moved country at age 10 language was an issue and I came from a small town of 9000 people into London with millions. My mindset was different to everyone else. I just became more shy and reclusive by 13 and I stopped talking. All I can say is, I'm glad the internet became a thing, or I'd be a whole lot worse off. I was less shy there and made friends online. Maybe that helped develop social skills to some extent.

I have become less shy and can hold a conversation now, usually one-to-one; in groups I still go completely silent. My partner who I met when I was 19 helped me so much, he's an extrovert, loves to chat, makes friends effortlessly, I have no idea what he sees in me, but he tells me that I'm a puzzle he still hasn't figured out yet and that intrigues him somehow. I 'challenge' him apparently! He helped me understand how to talk to people and what they expect. He normalises life and tries to make it less scary. Without him, I don't know where I'd be to be honest...

 

[Major Tom]

I am the opposite, the older I get, the more shy I become.

 

[Dillon]

I used to be real shy when I was younger. For grant it I was never taught the social skills I had needed but I started to pick up on them as I got older. I was a big stutter from elementary to to part of high school and I would always get bullied because of that and being on the spectrum which ruined my confidence even further to the point I was afraid of talking to anyone. I would always hate doing presentations in front of the class to where I would always watch the clock run out of time making sure I didn’t go.

Now it’s like when I started college things were changing I started feeling more confident and creating new life of self esteem since I had self hatred (I do a little today but not as much as back then) which that self hate lead to anxiety and depression and I still have some depression that occurs these days. I’m still somewhat shy when I feel like I’m socially awkward but I managed to not care what other people think of me these days.

 

[OkRad]

It depends on what is going on and who I am with. I move in and out of both extremes depending on how safe I feel.

 

[Ailuvkatz325]

When I was young, I was known as a quiet child. Even when I was a baby this was true, my parents found it odd that I didn't seem to cry all that much. Instead my behaviour seemed to reflect an innate cautiousness, and a tendency to sit in quiet observation. My sister was much more adventurous, and would often try to wander off by herself as a toddler, whereas I would cling to my parents nervously making sure they weren't out of my sight.

Apparently I was fairly well-behaved until I started going to Primary school. That's when my anxieties truly started to reveal themselves. I was almost entirely mute for a while because I felt insecure about my stutter and lisp, also I got nervous around the other kids anyway. After I spent some time in speech therapy I began to open up a bit more, and overtime I gained some friends.

People found me odd because sometimes I would have these bizarrely brave moments even though I tended to act a bit nervous.

When I first joined Secondary school (at eleven years old) I was placed into this class intended for shy students. Apparently they didn't think that I was settling in at school, so they sent me to these sessions on Tuesdays. They were mandatory for certain students (which included me). We mainly had to do trust exercises, and one time we had to talk about ourselves in front of the class.

It was a fairly relaxed atmosphere, and the teacher even offered to talk to our various teachers and get them to give us less homework during the first few weeks of school. The main idea of it was just to get us talking to one another.

I've come a long way since then. Now I find it a lot easier to initiate conversation, and I often have to as I have a tendency to befriend people who are fairly shy, so the bulk of the conversation often relies on me at the start of a new friendship, but usually it becomes more even as we get to know one another. Although, admittedly I still have my moments where I get nervous and start stuttering when talking to cashiers, but I find myself doing that less as time goes on.

How about you?

I’m becoming less shy too. Even though I still care what some people think, I’m still able to do things more than what I did because I do a lot of things that are out of my comfort zone. So I became less shy, especially if I calm myself and people don’t talk about me.

 

[tducey]

I'm not very talaktive in group settings but 1 on 1 you talk away to me I'll chat away to you.

 

[Lysander]

I kind of like the analogy of the "swashbuckling introvert" to describe an extroverted introvert. Maybe instead there could be such a thing as a "swashbuckling aspie", an aspie who is social. It takes a lot of courage to take on social situations from the perspective of someone who is on the spectrum. It's a lot like entering a battlefield blindfolded, not caring that you're going to die. That's how I feel when I talk to people at work. In my mind I know I've just KO'd myself, and that I may never figure out the mechanics of it, but in that moment I don't care. I'm here, and I am who I am. I think being an aspie is kind of like being a bull in a china shop trying very hard not to move. When we do or say anything, it can seem like everyone is made completely out of glass.