I'm excited so I'm telling you guys. I scoured the internet to find the perfect T shirt. It has a very cool design and the word Neurospicy" on it. I don't really look good in basic T shape but I do in V necks, so that's what I got. I'm into the "coming out" thing, but the way I've been going about it is a bit cringe, IMO, so hopefully this will satisfy my need and be way cooler than my blurting out cringeyness.
I was at a disability org christmas lunch with my second born son, who has intellectual disability autism, he lives in a supported accommodation home, and a girl my youngest daughter is friends with, was serving the lunch, and I knew which family she came from, a big fam like mine, but I couldn't place her name, and, anyway, long and the short, I (cringily) excused myself and said, get this,
"I am autism" . Crikey, no wonder I've embarrassed my kids and partners, at times.
So, I need to learn to be cool and stop embarrassing everyone about my tism by saying stupid stuff about being tismy. Sigh. My brain goes weird these days, I get kind of dyslexic but with saying words and typos of mixed up words, I have to constantly correct.
It serves me to "come out", as the truth is, I haven't got it in me to mask the way I needed to throughout my youth. Now I'm middle aged and I want to be as fully myself, as openly as I can, especially as I'm receiving disability support and I know that I am a chronic masker, (out of a lot of trauma and fear throughout my younger life) which has proven very unsustainable.
When I was a younger woman and before that, as a child, I needed to be an invisible as possible, except when I was openly performing, (I am most known, publicly, as a performance artist and as various people's mother) so I'm at a weird place, where I feel I actually need to be known as a ND individual, but I also need to cool it. I need to be "seen". Clothes might just be the answer.
I didn't know I was on the spectrum until the last 5 or 6 years. I did go through all the typical difficulties but without any understanding or support. Quite traumatic, that. It's pretty amazing how survival draws out the awesome and the extreme inner hell in us, at the same time.
For me, it feels a bit political, this need to come out. I'm just one of those people who can't seem to help being that. I used to do it with my music and after that, mental health peer work, as well as inflicting my political views on my poor youngest, very bright and sensitive autie son. He, in turn, has become very rebelliously political toward me and my partner, and strong-minded, but in a good way, for the most part, I think.
I think I might be a little obnoxiously political but I've pulled my head in a lot. I like being kind more than zealous.
"Coming out" in this way is my way of being counted and seen as someone who has been, paradoxically, visible, as a working musician/songwriter/singer (a very "fringe" one though) and invisible, as a struggling, high masking and hiding autist and "survivor".
I like the humour and fun of the term "Neurospicy" as well, not everything about autism has to be hard and heavy, and I'm learning to lean into humour and fun, much more in my second half century.
I was at a disability org christmas lunch with my second born son, who has intellectual disability autism, he lives in a supported accommodation home, and a girl my youngest daughter is friends with, was serving the lunch, and I knew which family she came from, a big fam like mine, but I couldn't place her name, and, anyway, long and the short, I (cringily) excused myself and said, get this,
"I am autism" . Crikey, no wonder I've embarrassed my kids and partners, at times.
So, I need to learn to be cool and stop embarrassing everyone about my tism by saying stupid stuff about being tismy. Sigh. My brain goes weird these days, I get kind of dyslexic but with saying words and typos of mixed up words, I have to constantly correct.
It serves me to "come out", as the truth is, I haven't got it in me to mask the way I needed to throughout my youth. Now I'm middle aged and I want to be as fully myself, as openly as I can, especially as I'm receiving disability support and I know that I am a chronic masker, (out of a lot of trauma and fear throughout my younger life) which has proven very unsustainable.
When I was a younger woman and before that, as a child, I needed to be an invisible as possible, except when I was openly performing, (I am most known, publicly, as a performance artist and as various people's mother) so I'm at a weird place, where I feel I actually need to be known as a ND individual, but I also need to cool it. I need to be "seen". Clothes might just be the answer.
I didn't know I was on the spectrum until the last 5 or 6 years. I did go through all the typical difficulties but without any understanding or support. Quite traumatic, that. It's pretty amazing how survival draws out the awesome and the extreme inner hell in us, at the same time.
For me, it feels a bit political, this need to come out. I'm just one of those people who can't seem to help being that. I used to do it with my music and after that, mental health peer work, as well as inflicting my political views on my poor youngest, very bright and sensitive autie son. He, in turn, has become very rebelliously political toward me and my partner, and strong-minded, but in a good way, for the most part, I think.
I think I might be a little obnoxiously political but I've pulled my head in a lot. I like being kind more than zealous.
"Coming out" in this way is my way of being counted and seen as someone who has been, paradoxically, visible, as a working musician/songwriter/singer (a very "fringe" one though) and invisible, as a struggling, high masking and hiding autist and "survivor".
I like the humour and fun of the term "Neurospicy" as well, not everything about autism has to be hard and heavy, and I'm learning to lean into humour and fun, much more in my second half century.
It feels like a big, brave, liberating move, and a lot cooler than the way I've been over disclosing. I am one of those feast or famine, it's either drought or flood, type of people. I'm not very good at "the middle path" . So, I'm thinking, if I'm in a mood where I want to "shout it from the rooftops", I'll wear the T shirt, instead of bringing it up to every single person I meet.
