AuroraBorealis
AuuuuuDHD
Whenever someone else than myself starts talking about a big (hypothetical or real) change, I get super tense, start stimming and only wish for them to stop talking.
For example, we're visiting my mother-in-law right now, who lives very far away from us. She loves us very much and is very affectionate and talks often about how much she misses us. She sometimes tries to tell us why the place she lives at is so great and how we could one day move there as well. It is a nice place, I'm not denying that, but it's very far away and I have absolutely no intention of moving there one day, also because it would be so far away from my own parents. It stresses me very much when she talks about that. My partner told me that I shouldn't worry about it because she knows how unlikely it is and it would be our own, private decision after all, she just likes to talk about it. But I can't help reacting that way. When she started talking about that today, I tensed up incredibly right away, started fidgeting, just stared ahead and kept repeating "you're okay" to myself in my head. It felt like an existential threat, even though I know it's irrational. I couldn't control my body's reaction, even though I knew it was exaggerated.
It's been like that for as long as I can remember about big changes and demands that to me feel daunting. I react similarly when someone mentions that it would be nice if we came to visit them. My partner's mother in law, and also other of his family members, frequently say things like that, like "you could come visit us in XYZ", it's not meant as a request at all, just as an affectionate suggestion, but to me it feels incredibly daunting because, for me, every trip takes a huge mental effort for me. It involves travelling, leaving home, being in another surrounding, it's not something I do on a whim.
Sometimes it's necessary to talk about changes, like, when I moved in with my partner, he started bringing up the subject some time before the move, and gradually exposed me to the idea, because it was necessary to face it. I reacted the same way at first to the topic, even though I cognitively wanted to move in with him, but to my body, it seemed this huge threat, because it involved a drastic change.
I'm alright if I myself bring up those topics. But I can't handle someone else bringing them up.
Anyone relates?
If not, it's okay. I feel tense right now because of this situation with my mother-in-law earlier, and in general because I'm still adjusting to the change in location and the trip and everything. I needed to write it out. I feel more autistic right now than I usually am. It feels like my capacities are at their limit at the moment.
For example, we're visiting my mother-in-law right now, who lives very far away from us. She loves us very much and is very affectionate and talks often about how much she misses us. She sometimes tries to tell us why the place she lives at is so great and how we could one day move there as well. It is a nice place, I'm not denying that, but it's very far away and I have absolutely no intention of moving there one day, also because it would be so far away from my own parents. It stresses me very much when she talks about that. My partner told me that I shouldn't worry about it because she knows how unlikely it is and it would be our own, private decision after all, she just likes to talk about it. But I can't help reacting that way. When she started talking about that today, I tensed up incredibly right away, started fidgeting, just stared ahead and kept repeating "you're okay" to myself in my head. It felt like an existential threat, even though I know it's irrational. I couldn't control my body's reaction, even though I knew it was exaggerated.
It's been like that for as long as I can remember about big changes and demands that to me feel daunting. I react similarly when someone mentions that it would be nice if we came to visit them. My partner's mother in law, and also other of his family members, frequently say things like that, like "you could come visit us in XYZ", it's not meant as a request at all, just as an affectionate suggestion, but to me it feels incredibly daunting because, for me, every trip takes a huge mental effort for me. It involves travelling, leaving home, being in another surrounding, it's not something I do on a whim.
Sometimes it's necessary to talk about changes, like, when I moved in with my partner, he started bringing up the subject some time before the move, and gradually exposed me to the idea, because it was necessary to face it. I reacted the same way at first to the topic, even though I cognitively wanted to move in with him, but to my body, it seemed this huge threat, because it involved a drastic change.
I'm alright if I myself bring up those topics. But I can't handle someone else bringing them up.
Anyone relates?
If not, it's okay. I feel tense right now because of this situation with my mother-in-law earlier, and in general because I'm still adjusting to the change in location and the trip and everything. I needed to write it out. I feel more autistic right now than I usually am. It feels like my capacities are at their limit at the moment.
