I can't stand not knowing whether I have schizophrenia

[roy]

Not going to talk anymore. Thanks everybody anyway.

 

[tree]

That sounds very uncomfortable and tiring.

Feeling alone is a problem.

Saying that you wish you'd die tonight is another
way to say "I wish the bad painful parts would stop."

 

[pamelaperejil]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I had words of advice, but I don't, really. But here's a cyber hug, for what it's worth. Be well, and take care of yourself.

If you need to talk, you can hit me up.

Pam

 

[Nitro]

Hi Roy

I really can't offer any advice for your situation, but I can welcome you aboard.

Hopefully there may be some answers here for you.

 

[OkRad]

Diagnosing mental health issues is not easy. One psychiatrist could say you are indeed schizophrenia while another could say bipolar with psychotic features and still a third, maybe like a naturalist might check your genetics and vitamin level. Low zinc can cause quite a many mental health disorders.

That all said, it comes down to symptoms and needs. A Dr would take into consideration hallucinations and want to treat them regardless of the reason. That usually is quite heavy antipsychotics. There are some Drs who treat with Antipsychotic medication and IF the person responds, retroactively dx them with schizophrenia.

I hope you get answers. If it were me, I 'd do karyotyping and vitamin testing. Neither are covered by insurance, so it's usually not an option for most people. But sometimes you can get those things in teaching hospitals, etc. I just don't like people to be diagnosed with mental health issues before TRULY ruling out other things first.

But welcome here. You will find a lot of support here

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Diagnosing mental health issues is not easy. One psychiatrist could say you are indeed schizophrenia while another could say bipolar with psychotic features and still a third, maybe like a naturalist might check your genetics and vitamin level. Low zinc can cause quite a many mental health disorders.

That all said, it comes down to symptoms and needs. A Dr would take into consideration hallucinations and want to treat them regardless of the reason. That usually is quite heavy antipsychotics. There are some Drs who treat with Antipsychotic medication and IF the person responds, retroactively dx them with schizophrenia.

I hope you get answers. If it were me, I 'd do karyotyping and vitamin testing. Neither are covered by insurance, so it's usually not an option for most people. But sometimes you can get those things in teaching hospitals, etc. I just don't like people to be diagnosed with mental health issues before TRULY ruling out other things first.

But welcome here. You will find a lot of support here

Nice post. I was just going to say the same regarding the diagnosis. Medical opinion could vary. To the op, rememember schizophrenia is a seen as more a psychotic disorder as opposed to mood disorder, but it can contain episodes of extreme mood changes, too, but bipolar disorder is seen as more a mood disorder but can include or not include psychotic features like delusions and hallucinations.

The key would seem how often the psychotic features, and what triggers them. More of such delusions and hallucinations could indicate to many doctors the former mentioned condition, less shown and much more spaced out more doctors could diagnose the latter. But, if a doctor is unsure, they often pick something in-between, like Schizoaffective Disorder.

 

[OkRad]

Nice post. I was just going to say the same regarding the diagnosis. Medical opinion could vary. To the op, rememember schizophrenia is a seen as more a psychotic disorder as opposed to mood disorder, but it can contain episodes of extreme mood changes, too, but bipolar disorder is seen as more a mood disorder but can include or not include psychotic features like delusions and hallucinations.

The key would seem how often the psychotic features, and what triggers them. More of such delusions and hallucinations could indicate to many doctors the former mentioned condition, less shown and much more spaced out more doctors could diagnose the latter. But, if a doctor is unsure, they often pick something in-between, like Schizoaffective Disorder.

That is interesting. I often wondered where they got schizoeffetive disorder.

And also, how do they know if someone is delusional? I would think that would be the hardest thing to prove outside of a true psychosis. I can see the black helicopter deal, but otherwise ? It's so hard that there is a phenomenon called the Martha Mitchel Effect. When Martha Mitchell accurately assessed the events of Watergate, she was considered delusional. So there are times when mental health professionals do not believe someone. I do wonder how often that happens! I endured a lot of abuse, so bad it made the news and one CCSW did not believe me. All had to go was Google. Or ask me for documents. But I got a taste of that. It hurt.

 

[Bolletje]

Just curious, @roy, why is seeing a psychiatrist out of the question? It sounds to me like you could really benefit from seeing one at the moment.

 

[Jane Smith]

None of us are trained professionals, so sadly we can't really help you diagnose your schizophrenia.

However, a fortunate thing to keep in mind is that most people with schizophrenia cannot identify schizophrenia within themselves. As the out of date saying says: "Crazy people don't know they're crazy".

So the fact that you're able to sit here and list your symptoms without a trained psychologist shows signs that you probably don't have the disorder. The hallucinations you might have experienced could be from extreme depression. Or they could be the symptom of another mental sickness.

Regardless, I'm not a doctor. You would have to get a professional diagnosis. I just have a lot of experience with delusion. It runs in my family.

I hope you can get some professional help soon! Until then we're here for you!

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

That is interesting. I often wondered where they got schizoeffetive disorder.

And also, how do they know if someone is delusional? I would think that would be the hardest thing to prove outside of a true psychosis. I can see the black helicopter deal, but otherwise ? It's so hard that there is a phenomenon called the Martha Mitchel Effect. When Martha Mitchell accurately assessed the events of Watergate, she was considered delusional. So there are times when mental health professionals do not believe someone. I do wonder how often that happens! I endured a lot of abuse, so bad it made the news and one CCSW did not believe me. All had to go was Google. Or ask me for documents. But I got a taste of that. It hurt.

You are right about the difficulty sometimes in telling if one could be having actual delusions, or instead beliefs that are not far off base from reality because of very bad lifetime experiences.

I remember in my late twenties going to a psychologist for severe social anxiety, and the treatment was talk therapy. Well, during one session I talked about some additional anxiety in me because of the corruption in government, like the Veterans Administration, and The Social Security Administration, who I said were supposed to be fair and honest, and caring, but seemed corrupt from my research and/or dealings with them.

That doctor likely thought I was a bit paranoid, as he said, "Huh, really? You really feel that way?" Perhaps that doctor saw that behavior as delusional, as in his life maybe he had no dealings with those entities, nor heard or saw no negative things about them. Lots of very intelligent persons can say things that seem suspicious, but this does not mean what they say is not true, as they either had totally different experiences to justify that suspicion, or as they are so aware of everything, from analyzing in detail everything, without assuming things at face value.

Also, of course doctors and other professionals are not going to admit wrongs about their profession, yet when patients call attention to it, its often easier or needed for such a professional to deny any wrongdoing, or blame the patient or their families instead, even if it means them suggesting that person was irrational. So, certain behaviors that look like delusions are not, like if also some minority thought they were going to be pulled over by a police officer, if in real life that occurred numerous times when they drove, after being profiled because of skin color or perceived race.

So, there must not be a quick rush to judgement by medical persons when paranoia to them seems present, as another example is, if someone had an extensive medical history of failed treatments, with severe side effects to drugs, it is not necessarily a delusion to think that the next drug prescribed would harm them. Too often medical personnel fail to take into account information which could make those beliefs be more rational than fictitious. Also, on a side note, those with ADHD combined with PTSD, for instance, may have similar signs and symptoms as Bipolar with Psychotic features, and similar thus to Schizophrenia, or Schizoaffective Disorder.

 

[I love roses]

Vitamin D deficiency also causes this as well as untreated thyroid disease. Staying up all night and sleep deprivation will cause it as well.

 

[SusanLR]

I'm no doctor either, just a lot of experience from my own issues and I did take a lot of psychology in college, plus I've worked in psych wards as a volunteer, and been in them myself, seen many varied mental disorders.
I enjoyed the opportunity to talk with the patients and try to understand their minds, so to speak.
Just my observation, but, I would think you are in a deep depression with psychotic tendencies.

Your age can be a clue to Schizophrenia. You are in the time period of life where it could show up
if you do have it.
As others have wondered: Why can't you get psychiatric testing?
Yes, it may be varied from doctor to doctor, but, there are many very accurate tests and questions to distinguish one from the other illnesses.

I know depression mixed with loneliness is between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Throw in anxiety disorder and ASD and that's pretty well been my life too.
I can't seem to bond with others either or be comfortable with other people.
Thankfully I did make it with my parents and had them until I was middle aged myself.
That wasn't long enough because now I am in that world where I feel alone with no one to rely on
but myself.
I do have a therapist, but, I can't really open up with her either.
Sit there and start talking about what's going on in my everyday life instead of talking about my feelings.
My sleep/wake habits have changed too. Like yours, I stay up all night and sleep most of the day unless
I have to go to an appointment or something.
I wake up in a panic from dreams where I am with my Mom, crying and asking her to take me out of this
because I want to feel the way I used to. Loved and not alone.
Life is not a happy place anymore, but, I don't want to die. Probably only because I am afraid to.

Welcome here. We support each other and getting it out there can help.
It is a nightly ritual for me to be here until I can fall asleep.

 

[Ginseng]

Roy, severe depression can come with psychotic thoughts. You have expressed a desire to die. Your isolation and aloneness further exacerbates your depression.

Why is seeing a therapist out of the question? I know that probably most people cannot talk to their parents, but how do you know you cannot? Do they really not care about you? Perhaps if you tried writing down what you want them to know? How old are you? That might help if we knew.

Roy,if you continue the direction you are going things will get worse. Let’s come up with a plan to pull you out of this. I am a retired therapist, but I am just responding as someone who cares. I see you are hurting.

 

[Ginseng]

Roy, it sounds like you are in a difficult situation. We all need people in our lives. If we try to go it alone (as you seem to be doing) it will continue to be very difficult and painful for you. What changes are you willing to make? You seem like you are putting yourself in a situation that makes receiving help very difficult. I have been there. I understand. But truth is that is not a healthy place to stay and it will not get better on it's own. Action must be taken.

How about you sit down and write out some goals you want to achieve (even if you think they are impossible) and write down what you need to make those goals a reality? Take some steps today (if only one step) to make your goal come to fruition. Make a long term goal and then create short term goals to help you achieve your long term goal. This really does work!

I don't know your parents but I do know that many people believe that autism is caused by poor parenting. Perhaps your mother has heard that also and believes this is her fault? Perhaps they, like you are just doing the best they can? Anyway, let us know how this works out for you.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Roy, I had a few additional questions, separated by more relevant information about my wife's medical situation and beliefs, though your past posts contained a lot of useful information. Only answer what you are comfortable answering though, as I am not sure how much you wish to reveal.

Questions: Let's say you one day somehow felt you finally got the right diagnosis. How could that help you? Would you take that information to either try to help yourself in some ways, to get certain type of medical help only, or to get assistance from others that might relate more? Or a combination of those? In other words, how would you choose to use that information to benefit you?

Both my wife and I understand your lack of trust towards medical persons, in terms of diagnostics or treatment, as she and our second son had horrible medical experiences with medical professionals that were supposed to show competency and care. Each medical case should be met with open mind by the professional and
with diligence, otherwise, a distrust with them starts to occur, as many conditions can be similar in terms of signs and symptoms, and so diagnostics is important to either get the right treatment or to make the right choices.

For instance, lots of doctors will say they treat the signs and symptoms, and not to worry about diagnosis. That is stupid. So, under that theory one would for example treat Borderline Personality, the same as Bipolar Disorder? They often have the same signs and symptons, and patients are misdiagnosed all the time as having the one condition, instead of the other, if not comorbid. And if one has comorbid conditions, realize bettering some signs and symptoms, could worsen others, if that treatment did not address or if it would worsen the other condition. So, while many conditions are genetic and may be helped with meds, lots of conditions are caused from poor upbringing or traumatic situation, and thus certain treatments would be improper for such.

My wife had twenty years of failed diagnoses and thus just failed treatments, causing severe life threatening side effects and deteriorating health. To expect patients with certain health issues to put up with either robotic, quick, inaccurate or incomplete diagnostics, some sheep following, drug pushing or financial agenda, or with stereotyping based on gender and signs and symptoms shown to fit some bias, just to get some quick guinea pig experience treatment, is dumb. Lots of patients are smarter than accepting that. They know lots of analysis, communication and empathy based on the situation needs to be considered, or else things could become worse.

My wife finally found a doctor, at my insistence that she try just one more that would finally give her lots of testing, as we both felt she was misdiagnosed all those years. That was why no meds or other treatments were working. Those professionals never analyzed well, dug deeper, or communicated much, to relevant parties. Doctors consistently diagnosed one or more various things in my wife, like GAD, Bipolar, Borderline Personality, and Depression, and then later with Bipolar with Psycotic features, and yet in her case her diagnoses were all likely wrong, and her suspicions were more real, despite some paranoia present on the surface. And so in her case, her hatred towards, fears, and mistrust of certain entities was based on her bad traumatic experiences with those medical professionals, and with her prior disowned family. Yours suspiciousness and any hallucinations may or may not be related to your bad life experiences, your problems with sleep, or with genetics.

Question: Any family history of psychosis issues?

So, my wife gets a comprehensive neuropsychological evaluation, nine hours of testing over three days, after getting a detailed twelve page report of all my observations of her, in all settings, and under all stressors, mentioning her abilities too, and her parents, and all those behaviors in them that I saw first hand while dating her as a live-in with her and her mother for a few years, and in my contacts with her Dad in person. I submitted none of my wife's other medical reports, as they were inaccurate, showed incompetency or biases, and as none of those doctors showed real compassion or care, and when things deteriorated under their care.

After that extensive 3 days of testing, she was evaluated as having severe ADHD, and soon after PTSD was seen as a comorbid condition with her adhd, once a government medical person triggered her severely, causing an episode of severe suspiciousness, as she hyperfocuses on and is traumatized by such entities because of her past, from life living with a very cold, critical and materialistic bureaucratic acting mother who always neglected her emotional needs and desires, had life policies on her, and from my wife's dealings with her neglectful and enabling Dad who had adhd concentration and related issues too, but refused to admit any parental wrongs and daughter behavioral wrongs, too, despite her numerous hospitalizations, problems at school, and behavioral issues. They were both ignorant or in denial of all such things. They needed to present themselves to the world as loving, caring and fit parents. They were not.

My wife researched things after her accurate diagnoses, and is doing what is best for her regarding treatment. Keep in mind she is more into natural type remedies though, and other treatments that seem more reasonable based on her medical life experiences, and things tried that made matters worse, and she has different beliefs and ways to approach her conditions, for the benefit of us as family, which I am supportive of her treatment decisions, which relaxes her, takes her mind off things, and where that excess energy is better used.

Questions: Back to the op's situation, what is your desires regarding your living situation? Do you think you could handle life alone with the right support near, desire life alone, or do you prefer or need another living situation where less loneliness would occur, like live-in friend, or partner soon or one day? Would you be ok with disability benefit assistance, or have a goal to try work again one day?

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

@roy

Yes, I read all the posts that are posted, from all the threads I am interested in. So, regardless if they are deleted or not, I would remember the contents of any post that I had already read prior to deletion as I have a very good memory, as I remember well details. The one post of yours was truncated, while the smaller post you deleted was about disorganized thinking.

I feel wanting a diagnostic answer and to research more about that, get support from related others, and to consider a psychiatrist if one can be trusted, is a very good mindset. I used to think I would be alone too, having lived alone for over twenty years after high school, through college and university years, and dating attempts, until I found someone with issues, too, as I did not want to spend my life alone anymore.

I would have never felt comfortable with a typical person who was in denial of any condition. Most persons in this world are messed up in some way. They either are ignorant, racist, sexist, self-absorbed, materialistic, superficial, or like with some attitude problem, other undiagnosed condition, or bias. There are really good persons too, and I have found many, but the neutral and bad outweighs strongly the good.

In the US getting disability benefits it both hard, and easy.
It is hard if one is very impatient, trusts what the SSA says, if one does not have a proactive person on their side who knows the real truth about the SSA and their rules and regulations, and if they have nobody who can legally fight their case with confidence and relevancy, by detailing everything in a way the SSA cannot win. Otherwise, often claimants give up too soon, or believe the fiction or misrepresentation spewed by SSA staff. I personally found the process easy, as I like fighting for peoples' rights. I am not sure about the processes in other countries.

As per your question, ADHD can be broken into 3 types. Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD generally has some outward hyperactive/impulsive features, like excessive or fast talking, being fidgety, squirming, pacing, impatience, interrupting others, impulsiveness, etc. Inattentive ADHD shows more symptoms of inattention than hyperactivity/impulsivity like difficulty following directions, not listening, daydreaming/moving slowly, not processing information quickly, distraction and concentration issues, getting bored easily, losing things, etc. Some can even have the 2 mentioned, thus often referred to ADHD combined.

Regarding diagnosis, I can just say it would be helpful to have more information, as often observations could be more telling. I have seen in person several with
schizophrenia, and they can have flattened affect, or talk about special powers or ramble off topic, and they may show signs of regular paranoia. It seems it would be hard for your parents to not notice that, and it would seem hard to hide those signs and symptoms. You seem very insightful, and aware of others' behaviors and how they impact others. And most of everything you say, if not all, seems true to me. Right now I do not see schizophrenia, based on the information given, unless things were well hidden.

 

[Ginseng]

What about seeing a therapist and not a psychiatrist?

 

[Ginseng]

What things are you interested in? You mentioned you were not interested in the things many of your acquaintances were interested in.

 

[Gritches]

Because keeping my mouth shut got me to where I am. Maybe if I do the opposite, something different happens.

This. Keep this attitude, combined with your intellect and apparent ability to really think things through, and you'll find happiness. You're closer than you think.

 

[Sloth]

Well, I just found this thread and there is a lot of information in it, but I thought I would share some of my reactions.

First of all, I can relate to what you have written. Currently, it's been 2 years that I've lived in isolation after a major meltdown in college, withdrawing from college and not leaving the house or talking to anyone aside from my family. I also have my sleep schedule completely flipped often, especially due to mood swings, and have passive suicidal ideation. I finally decided to try living again so I signed up for this forum and plan to try going back to college in a couple weeks, but I'm still unsure whether this is actually the correct choice. For reference, I am diagnosed with ADHD, autism, and depression.

As people have said previously, when it comes to mental health, often there are a lot of interrelated conditions; psychosis, mood/anxiety issues, and attention/motivation problems are all connected when it comes to conditions such as Schizophrenia, BPD, Bipolar, autism, ADHD, OCD etc. Diagnoses can be helpful in pointing you in a general direction, but everyone's condition is unique, so there is still work to be done afterwards to continue learning more about yourself. It can definitely help a lot to have someone who understands assist you, but as you have found, it can be rare to find someone, even in the psychology profession, who actually understands.

At one point, you asked if it is possible to have ADHD without the physical hyperactivity. The answer is absolutely, there are many different types. I don't exhibit anything physically either, for me it's moreso mental, and the attention/motivation problems. In your last post you seemed to indicate that you have periods of serious interest in certain subjects but the next day all of a sudden not care about them and move on to the next obsession, that's how it is for me.

You said that you feel like you enjoy and are capable of talking with people who also have mental health problems. There is the option of group therapy (have no idea if that is any better financially, but there are also social meetups for people with mental health issues which might even be free?). I believe this forum is kind of like group therapy in a lot of ways, but doing it in person can be different.

Lastly, don't feel bad about saying how you feel or even ranting sometimes. I do it too. While it may get you into trouble sometimes, this is what forums like this are for. I hope things get better for you. I just wish I had some more specific answer to give you.