I can't stop rocking back and forth (stimming)

[Izzy]

Hi everyone,
I have posted about this in my introduction post but I thought I'd also ask about it here.
I have rocked back and forth as a stim since I was a baby. I used to do it whenever I got stressed or sometimes when I got excited about something positive.
The rocking always made me feel self conscious but after I subconsciously started to repress it in public after getting picked on because of it, it wasn't a big problem.
However, for the last 5 years now (I'm 26) the rocking has started to take over my life.
I usually start doing it whenever i have to do anything productive such as studying but it can also be a weekend day and I just don't know what to do to entertain myself.
Once I start, I can't stop. This can go on for hours. I don't feel better after I do this, it just feels like I have to keep doing it almost like an addiction.
I can't try a lot of other self soothing techniques or meditation because they require me to sit or stand still.
I feel like the rocking helps me cope but it also keeps me stressed. When I force myself to stop doing it I feel like there is this built up tension that has no place to go. It makes me feel like I want to jump out of my skin.
When i try relaxation techniques like mindfulness or yoga they work for a short period of time but then as soon as something upsets me and triggers the rocking I'm back to where I started.
It is difficult for me find the reason behind the rocking sometimes. I can have a good and productive day and then I just can't relax and stop the rocking.
I always did it when studying when I was a kid and teenager so I think along the way it has become the only way for me to be productive.
I can't even stop it when I'm trying to do something fun like drawing.
The only thing that has ever worked for me is to distract myself with a tv show or something similar and wait for my body to calm down. But even that doesn't work always.
I'm so incredibly fed up with the rocking because it hinders me so much in my daily life and makes me feel so bad about myself.
Please, does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?
I have had 5 different psychologists and none of them has been able to help me with this.

 

[Aspertastic7]

There's a swing nearby my house where i used to go on for 6 years, up to 5h a day (I had to give it up when I was 17 years old, as people start staring at me in a way that made me feel very uncomfortable). Whenever I felt that I'm not able to concentrate anymore, I took a one hour break and went on the swing, listening to some music. It allowed me to enter my own world and to recover from daily life stimuli.

I don't know if it would help you, but to me it has been way more relaxing than just rocking. The moves you do on a swing are stronger and more tiring i think, so it might help to compensate your need to rock.

I understand that you're fed up with it, I'll try to think about some other possibilities to make it stop & hopefully be able to give you a better advice to this later...
Have a nice evening!

 

[onlything]

That does sound tough Izzy, I can imagine the impact excessive rocking can have on both you and your relationships...

If you wish to end it (or cut down on it), then possibly you could try to replace it with a different moving behaviour instead of stopping entirely? For example, using your hands to play with something or moving your legs rythmically?

Stimming itself isn't wrong per se, but it can become negative at times if excessive.

What exactly are the reasons for your desire to stop rocking? What do you think your life would look like if you stopped? What would you do instead?

Sometimes clarifying such things can help you find the will to stop specific behaviours.

 

[Ezra]

Ingesting anything that contains caffeine (or any other stimulant) can lead to increased rocking. Also not getting enough sleep. Ingesting things that are supposed to be calming like chamomile might help. A daily exercise routine might help as a release.

 

[Jumpback]

Hi everyone,
I have posted about this in my introduction post but I thought I'd also ask about it here.
I have rocked back and forth as a stim since I was a baby. I used to do it whenever I got stressed or sometimes when I got excited about something positive.
The rocking always made me feel self conscious but after I subconsciously started to repress it in public after getting picked on because of it, it wasn't a big problem.
However, for the last 5 years now (I'm 26) the rocking has started to take over my life.
I usually start doing it whenever i have to do anything productive such as studying but it can also be a weekend day and I just don't know what to do to entertain myself.
Once I start, I can't stop. This can go on for hours. I don't feel better after I do this, it just feels like I have to keep doing it almost like an addiction.
I can't try a lot of other self soothing techniques or meditation because they require me to sit or stand still.
I feel like the rocking helps me cope but it also keeps me stressed. When I force myself to stop doing it I feel like there is this built up tension that has no place to go. It makes me feel like I want to jump out of my skin.
When i try relaxation techniques like mindfulness or yoga they work for a short period of time but then as soon as something upsets me and triggers the rocking I'm back to where I started.
It is difficult for me find the reason behind the rocking sometimes. I can have a good and productive day and then I just can't relax and stop the rocking.
I always did it when studying when I was a kid and teenager so I think along the way it has become the only way for me to be productive.
I can't even stop it when I'm trying to do something fun like drawing.
The only thing that has ever worked for me is to distract myself with a tv show or something similar and wait for my body to calm down. But even that doesn't work always.
I'm so incredibly fed up with the rocking because it hinders me so much in my daily life and makes me feel so bad about myself.
Please, does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?
I have had 5 different psychologists and none of them has been able to help me with this.

I have done some rocking back and forth and so on, but not very often. More often I develop nervous ticks of various kinds. For awhile I would breathe in an out through my nose strangely...someone pointed out that this made me look like a cocaine addict, and since I didn't want to look like a coke addict I kept trying to not do it until I eventually stopped

But this shimming really isn't that horrible of a thing. When I was under huge stress, as a healthy fanatic, I took up smoking because it seemed to calm me down. Don't do anything like that and replace something pretty harmless with something worse

Could it even possibly be that when you notice that you are rocking that it makes you sort of frustrated that you are rocking which causes anxiety, which makes you rock more?

Like maybe if you reframe things in your head, like this is kind of weird, but it's completely harmless and who cares what other people think, would it bother you less that you do it, therefore leading to less anxiety over doing it, which might lead to less rocking? Like nothing makes you want to look at a dog more than someone telling you "don't look at the dog". So maybe just minimize it in your head by seeing it as pretty harmless? Just throwing an idea out there....

 

[Aspychata]

Okay this a crazy answer. How about a air filled exercise ball. Those are fun to sit on and rock back and forth. Plus you work out your body. You lay on your stomach and rock and lay on your back and move back and forth which will wear you out because you have to balance as your feet rock you back and forth.

 

[Ezra]

Okay this a crazy answer. How about a air filled exercise ball. Those are fun to sit on and rock back and forth. Plus you work out your body. You lay on your stomach and rock and lay on your back and move back and forth which will wear you out because you have to balance as your feet rock you back and forth.

That lead me to thinking even a handheld squeeze ball might help. Although the downside is it ties up one hand. Maybe gum chewing? Some kind of repetitive body motion that is more subtle.

 

[menander]

You are one of the few who talk about that jumping out of skin feeling. THANK YOU. It is awful and it causes lots of stims.

There is NO reason to NOT let it calm you. If you suppress it,it won't go away. That feeling of jumping out of skin is part of many autistics' experience but not all.

Throwing a bookshelf out the window is not an option but that feeling can cause it and screaming and pounding fists. It HURTS! Then you get meds that you never needed if you just let yourself rock.

It is better than Haldol. So just rock. It's a GOOD thing. You don't want that feeling and no way out and you have a way out. Nature gave us odd brains, but also things to help us. If you are lucky to have been given ways out of that feeling, let Nature's Gifts work.....So rocking, so this or that or whatever.

So I am all for letting it soothe you again. Have a shirt: ROCK BOLDLY. I will wear one if you do!

 

[Pats]

I agree with @menander Rock on! Possibly, the fact that it has become bothersome to you, makes you feel more upset and you rock more. Put an earphone in your ear and let people think your listening to music. But maybe if you don't give it a lot of thought, it'll let up on it's own. If you can't have something, you want it more. So let yourself have it.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

I do it too in stressful situation and sometimes when not thinking. Not sure there is a lot you can do to completely stop doing it. Not trying to trivialize the issue, but I would suggest a measure of acceptance of the trait. People are probably looking at and thinking about you much less than you might think.

 

[SDRSpark]

I rock constantly. I always have, it never really bothered me. I don't feel any need to stop.

Is it interfering with your life in any way or is it just that you feel self conscious? If the latter, perhaps learn to accept it?

I have recently started wearing a spinner ring and I really like it. It gives me something to mess with when I'm feeling anxious especially. It's unobtrusive (so far no one has noticed it) but it can be kind of noisy if you really spin it (almost like the dreaded fidget spinner lol).

 

[Ezra]

I do not think rocking should be discouraged. It is very normal and acceptable behavior for someone with autism. If someone really wants to stop it and or find a replacement stim, that is up to them and good to offer suggestions. But again, there is nothing wrong with rocking in general.

 

[Judge]

It's my stim. Though I tend to only do it when I'm just standing still- often in front of a television set.

Unlike smoking or having Covid-19, such stimming isn't likely to seriously bother anyone else in my proximity.

 

[Ezra]

I never rock while standing. When I am standing I rub my hands together a lot. When I sit then I stop hand wringing and start rocking. My hand rubbing stim comes in handy when it is cold out

 

[Izzy]

That does sound tough Izzy, I can imagine the impact excessive rocking can have on both you and your relationships...

If you wish to end it (or cut down on it), then possibly you could try to replace it with a different moving behaviour instead of stopping entirely? For example, using your hands to play with something or moving your legs rythmically?

Stimming itself isn't wrong per se, but it can become negative at times if excessive.

What exactly are the reasons for your desire to stop rocking? What do you think your life would look like if you stopped? What would you do instead?

Sometimes clarifying such things can help you find the will to stop specific behaviours.

The reason I want to cut down on it is because I feel like a lot of time it keeps me stressed. And yes, I think a part of it is not wanting to be doing it so feeling frustrated that I'm doing it and keeping the cycle going that way.. I also feel like it impedes me from doing daily activities that I can't do while rocking.
I'll be sitting on my bed, rocking, and I have to go grocery shopping/cleaning/cooking. But I don't want to get up because then I won't be able to rock.
I also feel like it is hard on my back as I have had a herniated disc already and I get regular back aches.
More than completely stopping the rocking, I would like to have some measure of control over it.
I feel like a lot of times I literally can't help doing it.

 

[Izzy]

I rock constantly. I always have, it never really bothered me. I don't feel any need to stop.

Is it interfering with your life in any way or is it just that you feel self conscious? If the latter, perhaps learn to accept it?

I have recently started wearing a spinner ring and I really like it. It gives me something to mess with when I'm feeling anxious especially. It's unobtrusive (so far no one has noticed it) but it can be kind of noisy if you really spin it (almost like the dreaded fidget spinner lol).

I feel like both are true. I do feel self conscious about it even though I know I should accept it. I have been told off a lot for doing it when I was a kid (and made fun of in class because of it) so I think that I have built up this shame around it.
But it also interferes with my life. I have a hard time doing things I want to do because I can't do them while rocking simultaneously.
A lot of things I have read online have said that you need to remove the cause of the rocking for it to subside. But I do it constantly because I feel like I need it constantly. You say you do it constantly but it doesn't bother you. Do you also do it when you feel happy or relaxed?
because in my mind, rocking equals being stressed/anxious. I'm just super easily stressed and I have a hard time finding out what exactly is making me stressed most of the time.
I would be studying and rocking and then I have free time and I can do whatever I want but I still feel stressed. I know I don't have a specific reason I have to be stressed at that moment but I still feel the need to rock.

 

[Ezra]

@Izzy being tied down like that is a problem for obvious reasons. I wish I could come up with a good suggestion.

 

[Izzy]

I appreciate all the positivity around the rocking but I do have a question:
for those of you that have stims, do you have some measure of control over them? How do you stop doing them when you need to do something else?

 

[Kalinychta]

Do you also do it when you feel happy or relaxed?
because in my mind, rocking equals being stressed/anxious. I'm just super easily stressed and I have a hard time finding out what exactly is making me stressed most of the time.

So it sounds like you must have an anxiety disorder? Focus on the cause of your excessive rocking rather than on the rocking itself, because the latter won’t go away until you address the former. Treat the cause, not the symptom, as they say.

Have you thought about taking up jogging or an aerobics class? Or any kind of exercise that requires you to move your body. That might help get some of the excess rocking energy out.

As for replacement stims mentioned by a few people - no way. I’ve rocked since infancy as well, and there’s no replacing it. It’s an overwhelming need.

 

[Els]

Hi everyone,
I have posted about this in my introduction post but I thought I'd also ask about it here.
I have rocked back and forth as a stim since I was a baby. I used to do it whenever I got stressed or sometimes when I got excited about something positive.
The rocking always made me feel self conscious but after I subconsciously started to repress it in public after getting picked on because of it, it wasn't a big problem.
However, for the last 5 years now (I'm 26) the rocking has started to take over my life.
I usually start doing it whenever i have to do anything productive such as studying but it can also be a weekend day and I just don't know what to do to entertain myself.
Once I start, I can't stop. This can go on for hours. I don't feel better after I do this, it just feels like I have to keep doing it almost like an addiction.
I can't try a lot of other self soothing techniques or meditation because they require me to sit or stand still.
I feel like the rocking helps me cope but it also keeps me stressed. When I force myself to stop doing it I feel like there is this built up tension that has no place to go. It makes me feel like I want to jump out of my skin.
When i try relaxation techniques like mindfulness or yoga they work for a short period of time but then as soon as something upsets me and triggers the rocking I'm back to where I started.
It is difficult for me find the reason behind the rocking sometimes. I can have a good and productive day and then I just can't relax and stop the rocking.
I always did it when studying when I was a kid and teenager so I think along the way it has become the only way for me to be productive.
I can't even stop it when I'm trying to do something fun like drawing.
The only thing that has ever worked for me is to distract myself with a tv show or something similar and wait for my body to calm down. But even that doesn't work always.
I'm so incredibly fed up with the rocking because it hinders me so much in my daily life and makes me feel so bad about myself.
Please, does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?
I have had 5 different psychologists and none of them has been able to help me with this.

I think the more you will try to stop doing it, the more you will obsess and worry about it, the more it will appear etc. Just do it or don't, but don't feel guilty about it or that you're doing something "wrong". Don't make stopping it an obsession in your mind, it will make it worse, really. I have periods in my life when I have obsessions about stopping something (for example, overeating), and obsessing clearly makes it worse, I just end up eating even more and feeling depressed.
With observation I noticed I'm doing it before my periods exclusively, like impulses. I can't do anything about it, it seems to just be linked to how hormones affect me. I don't judge myself, I just eat more for a week, and then it stops by itself. It just comes back and stops over and over again; and I can't stop my hormonal cycle nor how it affects me anyway.
You might make it bigger by focusing on it. Just do it as it makes you feel comfortable and don't judge yourself. It seemed it always helped you, you'll stop when you'll stop and you'll do it when you'll do it... Maybe you will even do it less if you stop to want it out... you just won't necesserily notice you're doing it a bit less... Focusing on it alone might make it happen even more...
I do the same stuff with my OCD thoughts when they happen. "Did I really close everything in the flat? I'm not sure". I just go with no judgement and no pressure, because I KNOW the OCD will stop by itself at some point - it always did, just one day I don't think about it all, I don't know why, and I've got a large period without it. The more I obsess about obsessing or about what I'm doing and the more I make it worse and long lasting. It just stops or slows down whenever it does. Moreover, if I show myself that everything was indeed closed, the next time I can comfort myself better in trusting that I really did everything right. It doesn't stop if I fight and add tons of anxiety and make myself wrong about the OCD thing. I don't think it can be recolved once and for all, I can spend 4 months with this OCD and then stop for 2 years. Or less or more. I jut don't control it, I'm not actually doing it anyway - how easy would it be if I did control it!
You don't need to feel bad about it because it increases the spiral you're describing. Maybe you're doing it because you need it. Just as my overeating before my periods. I don't know why I need to overeat at that moment, but I do. I ignore why and it doesn't matter, and I'd laugh at people making me believe that they know. Nobody knows. Chances are that by trying to suppress it, I might create myself a bigger problem that will appear outside of those periods, like feeling pathologically bad about food in general, and create a bigger disorder. I don't want to sound discouraging through... But you've got to live with yourself somehow. You don't need to restrict anything because it appears/sounds bad. It might be more useful and have more reasons to be than what it seems. I think trying to have a more positive view about your behaviour will be more helpful than trying to destroy it, especially if it's part of you since you're a baby...
Maybe I don't understand the problem or how disturbing it can become, but I know I made my life worse by trying to stop things and behaviours I couldn't stop, and in the end I don't even know if overeating before my periods is "bad". I just don't know that. I don't know what it's about. I don't need to feel guilty that I can't control it or something, because it just increases the "problem". "Overeating is bad", well, only if it affects your health (it doesn't affect mine, I'm totally in the normal weight range). But I noticed that focusing on it does affects my health, the mental one.
I don't think rocking yourself is bad either. It might have a function that's unknown but beneficial for you. Stimming is misunderstood but if it's part of you since baby I think you'd rather embrace it when it comes. I find it sweet. It doesn't have to be "bad".

It's just my opinion & experience, everyone is different and it might not fit you, but I hope I could help.