I can't wait to get out of the University environment so I can feel secure in being myself

[Frostee]

Being at University is a constant state of depression for me. It is an extension of the problems that I experienced in Secondary School i.e. outcast, not relating to anyone my age, aside from a few select people.

I am not a sexually active or promiscuous person, although i'm not going to deny that I don't have sexual thoughts. It is a natural, human activity.

What I have issues with, is the idea at University where people just continually talk about sex. I don't know how to process that as it's not something that I am familiar with or an environment that I am around. My parents don't discuss sex, nor does anyone in my family. Sex is a personal and private manner for us.

Yet, I find myself surrounded by people who discuss sex openly, to a graphic level and constantly.

For ex, I have just come out of the University launderette feeling fairly uncomfortable. I was in there with two teenage girls (I am 23) who talked about wanting to have sex and all the intimate details like 'oh would you ... nathan etc?'. I didn't know where to look, and I questioned why they felt that it was alright to talk about that in front of me. I've never been in that position before, it was quite shocking to be honest (not that they were talking about sex, but in front of the a stranger of the opposite sex), I almost felt disrespected, like they didn't care that I was in there.

My University has a FB site set up by students, about 50% of the posts are about having sex and hooking up.

So, as you can see there is a great emphasis of having sex. Honestly, I understand people have sex BUT it's something that I see as private and something that would be very personal for me. I understand the desire to have sex. But why do they need to talk about it continually? Like you're a weirdo and freak if you don't partake in it? And like it's something you need to survive?'

I just feel a bit uncomfortable with the openness of it all, and almost feel obliged to get into having sex because it's all I hear people talking about? Like they're talking about it so much, i'm beginning to think 'wait what is wrong with me?, maybe I should be having hook ups too, because that's all they talk about?'

I don't know, I just feel so out of place at University now. Why do people feel the need to constantly talk about sex? Can they not just pursue it and keep it to themselves? I don't know, I sit and wonder if there is something wrong with me that I don't relate to the desire to talk about the things that most young people talk about?

Can anyone relate to this?

 

[Jojo_LB]

I'm not trying to trivialize your feelings or anything, but I think this is something you'll just have to accept. People can talk about whatever they want to talk about with each other after all. And if their speech isn't dehumanizing and harmful to anyone, or being blatantly dismissive and disrespectful of people who aren't as open as they are, then there is nothing much you can do about them. It's perfectly fine for you to want to keep your own sex life personal, and you shouldn't feel weird or bad for wanting to continue doing that.

You can try to block it out if you hear it. You can move to another spot. You can listen to music if you want. You can wear ear plugs. You can try to keep distracted. And if anyone ever tried to engage you in talk about sex, you can respectfully just let them know that you don't like to talk about it, or excuse yourself so you can step out of the conversation.

Also, it seems highly unlikely that that's what all the university students are talking about constantly. I think you're just picking up on it a lot for some reason. It's kind of like a hypersensitivity to the word or discussion around it. Sure, they are probably talking about it a lot. They are young after all, hormonal, spending a lot of time with their peers and less time around their families' watchful eyes. But they are probably talking a lot about other stuff too. You just haven't picked up on it as often.

Recently, there's been a rise in the sex-positive movement. I think it's important, because society's negative views about sex, especially in the context of women having and talking about it, had been very damaging and harmful.

Furthermore, society's treatment of sex as if it were some weird, strange, and scary thing just perpetuates the warped views everyone seems to have about sex. Instead of promoting education on the matter, they just think it's OK to continue treating it like it's a taboo subject, and that's just never done anyone any good.

It is extremely important to educate the young about it, to talk about safety, protection, boundaries, consent. Rates of teen and unwanted pregnancies will go down, rates of STD's can go down, rates of abortion can go down. So there are a lot of very positive things that can come out of having healthy, non-negative, and yes, open discussions, about sex.

Having said all of that, I personally never talked so openly about sex with others. I am on the asexual spectrum, so that kind of talk never interested or excited me. I just ignored it as best as I could. I would not engage with anyone who talked about it. And if I hear non-positive or damaging talk about it, it would make me very uncomfortable.

My lack of wanting to talk about it had a lot to do with my being brought up in an environment where I was not properly educated. And I heard all that negative crap about girls and women talking about sexuality and I didn't want to be seen as "improper" or promiscuous. I learned a lot over the years, on my own. I respect the sex-positive movement, and I respect others' rights to talk about it. But I still won't talk openly about my own sex life to anyone.

 

[Fino]

I didn't experience this in college. No one I was around was like that. I was the most open about it, and I'm not graphic about it at all, just the word "sex" or "masturbation" made them uncomfortable. Maybe it's because almost all of my friends were/are musicians, I don't know.

You should join whatever Christian group they have there! Definitely!

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Interesting, I didn't experience this at all at university. My experience went from at school everyone talking about sex because barely anyone was getting any, to at uni sex was so easily available it wasn't worth talking about. The people who wanted to shag did, the people who didn't want to shag didn't. Sure it came up in conversation occasionally, but not all the time. If you are really sensitive about it you probably perceive it as happening a lot more than it actually is, and that may not change once you leave uni. Maybe try adjusting your attitude to it, concentrate on how great it is that people are comfortable and educated enough to talk freely about such an important topic rather than concentrating on your own discomfort.

I find sex talk really boring, but I appreciate a sex positive environment. I think it's important to be able to talk freely about sex without judgement.

 

[Frostee]

I didn't experience this in college. No one I was around was like that. I was the most open about it, and I'm not graphic about it at all, just the word "sex" or "masturbation" made them uncomfortable. Maybe it's because almost all of my friends were/are musicians, I don't know.

You should join whatever Christian group they have there! Definitely!

I didn’t say I was uncomfortable with people talking about sex or not wanting to partake in it. The issue was them going into graphic detail about it, and at length for long time periods in front of a stranger and as females.

 

[bbc-bananasplit]

I haven't experienced this either, except for a gay youth group I'd used to participate in, but that was fun - it was all about acting out, boasting and being bold - no boundaries, no rules! =) I guess, that's what young people are like. Today, everyone is much more open than before. You see, a hundred years ago you couldn't kiss in public - or hold hands - and it would have been considered very bold, rude etc. People would have been shocked. So it's really just about what you are used to. Maybe you should read Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, it's from the 1930s and it's about a futuristic society, which is the exact opposite of what is was at that time - everybody is extremely promiscuous, talks about sex all day, and use of drugs and designer babys are moral and ethical standard. Those, who haven't enough sex and who don't change their partner on a daily basis are excluded as wrong and are ostracized. In this book people are stared at and fussed about, who have real relationships and feel "love" and actually care about someone else. It's really worth reading, since it demonstrates that it is all a question of perspective and upbringing.

Also, young underage people are still in the phase of experimentation and everything about sex is so exciting, and also I think, it's a way of showing off. You want to show, how natural this topic is for you, how experienced you are ... it's a demonstration, and possibly they want to be overheard, maybe they want to provoke.

 

[bbc-bananasplit]

A different example: Most Aspies are very used to discussing their life with others, their personality, problems, querks, desires, anxieties, as we can see here in the forum. This is not the case among NTs. They think that's weird, they keep their inner being to themselves.

 

[Fino]

I didn’t say I was uncomfortable with people talking about sex or not wanting to partake in it. The issue was them going into graphic detail about it, and at length for long time periods in front of a stranger and as females.

And I didn't say you were uncomfortable talking about sex or not wanting to partake in it. I said my friends are! If that implied something, it wasn't intentional.

 

[Gracey]

There's nothing wrong with you.

Like many, I believe it's a personal, special part of a relationship, shared between the two people involved.
(or more if that's your thing)

I can hold my own in a general conversation about sex. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm relating personal experiences.
It may be something I've heard or read.

I can't say I've ever felt the need to broadcast conquests over the spin cycle at the laundrette though,
Or anywhere else for that matter

 

[Fino]

I find sex icky--talking, looking, doing, thinking... all icky.