I compulsively need everybody to like me

[jamesaldrin]

I need everybody to like me.

It drives me crazy that there are people from my high school (I graduated a year ago) who will forever remember me in a negative tone. I developed a bad reputation near the end high school so a lot of people who used to like me now think I'm a crazy or whatever.

It drives me crazy that there are girls who used to be attracted to me (one contemplated leaving her boyfriend for me), but now when I message them they give me a cold-shoulder.

The thought of someone not liking me carries through with me through my days and its not going away.

Help?

 

[Peacelily76]

I will help.
Firstly, you have your whole life ahead of you and you should try to relax about what other people think or do. When you're young, people can be superficial and very selfish so their actions can come across as hurtful.
The best advice I can give you as a 40 year old female is 'Just be yourself', uniquely YOURSELF. Those who appreciate you for WHO YOU ARE will be your true friends and supporters.
Never try to fit in with the herd mentality. Do you really want to squeeze yourself into a box that will make you feel lonely and set you up to fail? No.
Go find your favourite interests, be excellent at those interests, define your cause, be EXCEPTIONAL.
The world will watch you with awe and amazement because you followed your interest.
The world is not a movie. We have a planet full of awful things happening. We need unique, exceptional minds to do things differently and find solutions.
Use your unique mind well.
Forget the herd

 

[tree]

@jamesaldrin

I think you are mistaking a 'want' for a 'need.'

https://selfdefinition.org/psychology/Albert-Ellis--12-Irrational-Beliefs.pdf
Ideas like these cause people a lot of unhappiness in their lives.

You will find at least one of these irrational beliefs is
coloring your view of reality.




I

 

[OkRad]

I took a weird strategy. I stopped trying to be likeable. I lived my life how I need to, and if I could not change clothes for a week, I didn't. But something cool happened. Truly extraordinary people started to be nice to me.

Yeah. 99% of the people ignored me, but that 1%-------wow. Saints.

I cannot advocate trying to make yourself unlikeable. And by that I do not mean behaviour. I never hurt anyone, just dressed terrible and stuff.........

But you may find people who are really nice and do have a heart. Those people who are not kind to you, they are not nice people. It is no loss that they are not responding!

 

[nowwhat]

I took a weird strategy. I stopped trying to be likeable. I lived my life how I need to, and if I could not change clothes for a week, I didn't. But something cool happened. Truly extraordinary people started to be nice to me.

Yeah. 99% of the people ignored me, but that 1%-------wow. Saints.

I cannot advocate trying to make yourself unlikeable. And by that I do not mean behaviour. I never hurt anyone, just dressed terrible and stuff.........

But you may find people who are really nice and do have a heart. Those people who are not kind to you, they are not nice people. It is no loss that they are not responding!

Nailed it OkRad.

 

[Jimbo]

I agree with what Peacelily76 said. As you get older you will probably care less what people think. I know that doesn't help any now. At age 47 I still don't like criticism and I take it too personally.

To be honest with you, I graduated from high school 30 years ago and I never see any of those people. I keep in touch with 2 of them that I used to hang out with but that's it. You too will move on and those people will move on with their lives and you have the chance to make all new friends. Look towards the future and keep your chin up. Those people who criticized you probably don't know the real you. You will grow up ad change and they will too. Best of luck!