I could use some help

[Corcky]

I have autism and I just started a new job. I really really wanted this job, but now that I have it the change is scary and I don’t have a strict daily work schedule like I used to. It's made me contemplate quitting my dream after just two weeks. I hate myself and I hate this job even though I worked really hard for it. How can I trick myself into calming down and being excited for the change? I keep having meltdowns that result in self hitting and crying. I’m about to just not show up to work. I could really use some advice from someone who experiences this fear of change and lack of structure like I do. Thank you in advance.

 

[tofino]

I am the same because I get very very nervous about change. Can you make a routine somehow by adding your own routine to the day that is always consistent if you work or not? That might put some structure in your mornings and nights so it feels like a routine even if its not. You might just need more time to get used to it.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Change is evil! Bad change! Bad!
My work was only structured as far as hours clocking in and out. I repaired things, so whatever broke down got worked on. Minimal predictability. Also, they had really nonsensical rules that actually got in the way of getting things done.
But, I had my getting up and getting ready for work routines, and my winding down after work routines. The drive to work, the work, and drive home I sort of viewed as a real-life video game. I set my own opinions aside and followed the silly rules, ignored the drama around me, and put up with insane drivers in exchange for money. As a nice side effect, things got repaired using my knowledge and experience, giving me some satisfaction, and my bosses were happy (I outlasted several supervisors, managers, and directors).
Each day was wearing, but that's why it's called work I guess. When I treated it like a game, it just seemed more bearable.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I have autism and I just started a new job. I really really wanted this job, but now that I have it the change is scary and I don’t have a strict daily work schedule like I used to. It's made me contemplate quitting my dream after just two weeks. I hate myself and I hate this job even though I worked really hard for it. How can I trick myself into calming down and being excited for the change? I keep having meltdowns that result in self hitting and crying. I’m about to just not show up to work. I could really use some advice from someone who experiences this fear of change and lack of structure like I do. Thank you in advance.

Is it really the job, or is it the schedule? With some jobs there may be some flexibility to get onto a set schedule. I find creating a daily list with check boxes works for executive functioning issues. We all get distracted and interrupted. Having that list with you is helpful keeping you on task. You can do this with your daily routine at work and at home.

If it is the change in job and walking in every day not fully comfortable and confident in what you are doing, then this WILL go away. Everyone, literally everyone, in any new environment may take weeks, sometimes months to acclimate. Everyone is low on the learning curve and is dealing with anxieties those first several weeks to months. The only thing I can suggest is take a deep dive into it, like a special interest. For example, if you are working with a new piece of equipment, your trainer will have shown you how to operate it, but I guarantee you that piece of equipment will throw and error code, have some sort of software glitch, have mechanical failure, something. Most people do not know how to troubleshoot and fix, but I bet you know someone in your department who does. Be that person. Now, if you found the online manual or some educational videos on the company website or YouTube, if you learned about the theory of operation, you could suddenly become a resource person, the person that others call upon. Learn everything you can about the job, even if it's on your own time, because most new employee orientations are just enough to get you functional. The proficiency part is on you. You get out of the job what you put into it. As I suggested, you're low on the learning curve and that can cause some anxiety because of this underlying fear of making some sort of mistake and being called out on it. The only way to mitigate that fear is to put in the extra effort to learn quickly on your own time. This is how anyone who is good at anything will become proficient.

Don't be that person who just calls in "sick" or quits after 2 weeks. That really, really sucks for your boss and disrupts your co-workers. They are depending upon you to be there and help. Sometimes it's not about you and your feelings. It's about self-discipline, responsibility, and accountability.

 

[Aspychata]

It will feel uncomfortable for at least a month until you get acclimated to the flow, the routines, and what is expected of you. Just anticipate the uncomfortable part and stick it out, until you decide you like the work perhaps.

 

[Rodafina]

I hate this job

I hear you that the changes and the lack of routine is difficult, but what is it about the job that you hate?

 

[VictorR]

I hear you that the changes and the lack of routine is difficult, but what is it about the job that you hate?

To add to this, what was it that you liked about the job that led you to want it originally? Were you truly familiar with what the job entailed when you went for it?

 

[Corcky]

I hear you that the changes and the lack of routine is difficult, but what is it about the job that you hate?

The work isn’t quite what I had hoped for especially when I walk in each day uncertain of my tasks and having to ask my coworkers and employers what to do. It truly is the lack of schedule and routine I think. But I have taken some others advice and approached my boss to ask for a routine and rhis has helped

 

[Corcky]

To add to this, what was it that you liked about the job that led you to want it originally? Were you truly familiar with what the job entailed when you went for it?

I went to a trade school to prepare for this type of career and did countless hours of research before applying, to make certain I wanted to do this. Unfortunately they have me doing the grueling grunt work and not the actual trade work I had anticipated and hoped for. But I think I can stick it out.

 

[chincey_james]

It's not true in every situation, and only you will know, but I am glad I stuck through the first few stressful years of my job. Now that it is my routine and expertise, it's much less stressful.

 

[VictorR]

I went to a trade school to prepare for this type of career and did countless hours of research before applying, to make certain I wanted to do this. Unfortunately they have me doing the grueling grunt work and not the actual trade work I had anticipated and hoped for. But I think I can stick it out.

I'm going to refer to a post I made in another thread that I think is applicable here.

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/kind-of-at-a-crossroads.44078/#post-989399

Welcome!



Apprenticeships are interesting since they involve two separate components - the hands-on at work, while the in-school portion tends to be more theory, but also building upon the skills that the student was expected to have worked on over the past months or year.

In an ideal world, the employer is understanding and supportive of the apprentice's needs - to ensure that they have exposure to a variety of things, both hands-on and as an observer, to encourage the apprentice to apply for the in-school portion only when they are ready, and to allow the apprentice to have the time off to attend. Basically, the employer is supposed to be a mentor.

Unfortunately, it's not unusual for this not to be the case.

Sometimes the employer doesn't fully understand their role in training and so doesn't provide enough support and/or rotation through different skill sets.

Sometimes the employer is shorthanded and doesn't have the ability to provide the support and/or rotation.

Sometimes the employer sees the apprentice as cheap labour and doesn't care about helping them advance to the next level.

etc etc.

In cases where your employer sponsor isn't really working well for you, then that's where, as hard as it may be, you'd want to consider looking for a new one. Ultimately, you have to look out for you first.

From what you describe, it seems like the trade might be perfectly okay for you - it's just a matter of getting the right support.

In my work doing job/career support, one thing that I often stress is that people often ask about the right job, the right company, or the right industry. But quite often, it's about having the right boss.

Best wishes and of course happy to answer any questions.