I don't know what career I should pursue after graduating college (TW: suicidal thoughts).

[Ya Boi]

I went to college with the idea that I would become a writer and I graduated last year with a master's degree in communication and a bachelor's in film. Now here I am almost a year later working part-time at a bakery and I'm starting to think I made the wrong decision.

I had the idea that after college I'd try to find a job somewhere in marketing by being a copywriter, social media manager, or something that involves me writing advertisements. I've tried so hard to find jobs like that but I have a hard time finding any, and the ones I do find I'm either not qualified for or I get rejected. This has made me think I should explore other writing jobs, but I'm not sure what else is out there or if I would even be qualified with my degrees.

But then I've been thinking if I actually want to do writing. Despite having fun writing in the past and having things I want to write, I lack the ability to sit down and actually write anything. I don't know if this is laziness or executive dysfunction, but it feels like you'd have to put a gun to my head if you want me to write anything. I've been told I should try making social media pages or blogs to increase my chances of landing a job, but not only can I not make myself start them, but the idea of having to commit to them sounds unappealing to me, as it feels like it would eat up too much of my free time and I would grow to hate doing it. I also can't help but show what I've written to my mom for critique, but I end up getting upset when she points out a bunch of problems with it. I know it's wrong to get upset about that, but after all this time it's made me believe I'm not a good writer and anything I post without running it through her will be terrible. Then there's the fact that I sometimes feel uncomfortable with writing like there are some things I wouldn't feel comfortable writing. It's not even anything bad or intense, it's stuff that should be perfectly fine writing, but for some reason, my brain is like "Yeah I don't feel comfortable writing this. Don't do it." All of these things have made me question if I should pursue writing as a career or even a hobby. But if I shouldn't, then I have no idea what else I could do because going back to college isn't an option with how much debt I acquired.

This whole thing has been extremely stressful for me. I can't job hunt without my mind filling with thoughts about how much of a failure I am, how I wasted my time at college, how there are no jobs available to me, and how it would probably be better to kill myself. I need advice on what to do. Are there any jobs I should be looking at that I haven't thought of? Should I even be pursuing a career in writing? Is there any way to make myself write or become more comfortable with writing? Should I try looking for a therapist to talk to about this stuff about?

Sorry if this came off as me rambling. I wanted to get this post out while all of my thoughts were still fresh in my mind.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

Sorry if this came off as me rambling. I wanted to get this post out while all of my thoughts were still fresh in my mind.

Don't worry, it's perfectly understandable to be struggling regarding this and I just hope you'll be able to get some good advice. Going forward requires bravery, and I'm glad you did it.

I didn't study writing or film in college, but I can definitely relate to your feelings on writing in general. I enjoy writing to the extent that I got a full scholarship to attend a summer course in a Swedish summer school for aspiring writers when I was in High school, and my writing quality when writing essays and suchlike has generally been acceptable. Like you however, I have almost no motivation to write when just by myself and needing to self-motivate. I just don't have that inner drive to create which is common in writers. I much prefer consuming and analyzing. I attended one writing course in high school (that was after the summer school) and it convinced me that I'm not cut out to be a writer. I was doing very well in the course, up until the final assignment to write a longer work and send to the teacher.

I couldn't do it. I had it hanging over me for weeks, but did hardly anything. Then on the last day I went into a bit of a frenzy, stayed in school till late and wrote up a whole story almost stream of consciousness. I knew it wasn't good, but I had to send something so I did. Worst of all, after sending it, the teacher said we had to share it with two groups/people (something she did not say ahead of time). I'm very fragile like you, and can have a hard time swallowing criticism, even when I know it's fair. I decided to send it to a pretty inactive Facebook group of people I went on exchange with, hoping nobody would read it (luckily, either no-one read it or they wanted to spare my blushes so didn't comment on it). I also sent it to my then-girlfriend because I couldn't in good conscience keep it away from her, and she knew about the project. She proceeded to absolutely tear it to shreds, saying it is the worst piece of writing she had seen from me (which is true) and that I could do much better (which is also true).

I haven't written any fiction outside of the forums since then. I just don't have the right temperament. I can write constrained very short stories, but I'm not organized or motivated to write fiction longer than 2-3 pages. Research essays are much easier for me.

A couple of thoughts on your predicament (as a non-writer). I think you were really unfortunate in your timing, as massive language learning models like ChatGPT are fast making entrance writing jobs like copy-writing and advertisements obsolete. Writing was already a notoriously nepotistic field, where being related to or knowing the right people can open up a lot of doors so this will only make breaking in more difficult. From my understanding, writing is not dissimilar to acting, as in very few people make money off it, but it's still possible. I'm not telling you all this to discourage you, but this is the reality as I see it. The other thought is that just because writing isn't the right choice for you, or you can't return to college, it doesn't mean that your life is over. You can still use your skill in writing when pursuing non-writing related jobs, like self-employment.

I suspect you are at a crossroad many creatives find themselves at. I think you should either pursue writing with full force, have ambition and really spend most all your free time honing your craft and marketing yourself, or you should put the writing idea on hold for now, and focus on other ventures, including improving your mental health. It's clear to me that continuing like you are now with doing the necessities but not much more isn't going to work, so you might as well stop since it's wasting your time and making you feel anxious and guilty as well. Things won't get better out of the blue. Like I said, I can relate to your feelings, so I totally understand if one of those options isn't possible for you, but I still hope this is of some use for you.

 

[Judge]

Are there any jobs I should be looking at that I haven't thought of?

I was faced with this scenario after having to pull out of a complex hiring process for what I thought was the dream job that I went to college for. (The job that was offered turned into something very different where I felt I had to decline.)

I ended up finding a program with a major university that specialized in job counseling. Particularly including a library offering people the chance to learn about so many jobs they had not even heard of. I found something interesting that indeed I had never heard of, and pursued it. It didn't take much time to find work after that, and I kept that job nearly 20 years.

 

[VictorR]

I ended up finding a program with a major university that specialized in job counseling. Particularly including a library offering people the chance to learn about so many jobs they had no even heard of. I found something interesting that indeed I had never heard of, and pursued it. It didn't take much time to find work after that, and I kept that job nearly 20 years.

Two excellent federal government resources available online for exploring different job / career options are:

(US) Bureau of Labor Statistics
https://www.bls.gov/ooh/(The A-Z index is a nice place to just browse and look at random job descriptions)

(CAN) Jobbank (Employment and Social Development Canada)
https://www.jobbank.gc.ca/career-planning
The latter has some quizzes that one can take that provide suggestions on jobs that may be of interest based on your profile.

I remember doing it as a kid, entering chess as an interest, and one of the things that came up was professional chess player. LOL.

 

[Running Girl]

For me, finding work that avoids my weaknesses (bad at socializing and small talk, EFD so bad at multi- tasking and remembering multiple step procedures, sensitive to noise) and plays to my strengths ( creativity, perseverance, works well alone, like being in nature) . When I was in my 20's I took extensive testing related to finding what job would be a good fit. "Forest Ranger" was suggested. Wish I'd listened! Instead I became a nurse, and between the social aspects, the multi-tasking, and need for organizational skills, it was a stress-filled nightmare.
I also would have liked being a mail carrier.
Look into taking some civil service tests. There are a lot if jobs there. Choose carefully!! And be honest with yourself as to what you really enjoy& are good at, and what stresses you out , or what you dislike. These do not change !