I don't know what I'm doing...

[bails0bub]

I'm not sure where to begin, or if this is even the right way to do this, so if I've done the introduction wrong, or this is me posting to much information in an opening post I'm sorry.

I guess I will start with the first time some one tried to point out I am probably on the spectrum.

I was 13 years old and had never gone to school. My family was going through termoil and my mom ran off so my step father (who I had just found out wasn't my dad) decided to enroll me in school. I had to go through all kinds of testing because I had never had any recorded education and had not been to a doctor since I was 4 and that was just for a surgery. After every thing was said and done the people doing the test said I need to be screened for autism...my step father's response was "that boy learned to read on his own, he's not a ****ing retard." After that I forgot about it for a while.

In February I hurt my back really bad at work and, had to start going to physical therapy. On my birthday in June I had an alternate therapist and 15 minutes into the session she stopped and asked me if I was autistic and explained she wasn't trying to be rude but that her little brother and her husband where both on the spectrum and that I showed a lot of the signs and told me I should do research and try to find out because it would help me. I ignored her untill about a month ago.
I started doing research and to my surprise I identified with most of what I read.
I have only one friend and we live together and I have tried talking to him about this several times and every time he gets mad instantly and ends the conversation. Earlier today he told me I have till the end of the month to find a new place to live. I haven't spoken to my family in over a decade and am left with no one to talk to about this.
So what dose a person that may is possible on the spectrum with no friends or family, no insurance, and is about to be living on the streets again do to find out if they have autism or not

I would like to apologise for the run on sentences and general poor writing.

 

[Gritches]

A lot of people would argue that they "found out" they had autism when, like you mentioned, they started reading about it and it described them perfectly and explained so much; it fit like a glove. If I'm reading between the lines, which I'm terrible at, it seems like you're interested in the formal diagnosis, which isn't necessarily the deciding factor on whether or not you're autistic. If you are, you are. If you aren't, you aren't. Lot of people never get a formal diagnosis due to the possible costs and difficulties associated; it's not anywhere near unusual to identify as autistic without a formal diagnosis.

But to answer your question, what you would do to get a diagnosis is (depending on country, going to assume USA since I don't have much to go on) to give your county's Department of Human Services a visit and explain your situation with the insurance and your impending homelessness. If they aren't dicks, they'll help you proceed, and you'll have somewhere to stay and health insurance in no time. Just make sure to keep asking questions if you aren't sure what to do next; they'll help. At least that's that all works here, but I'm in a state known for good Human Services so I can't make any promises it'll be that smooth if your state isn't quite so hospitable to the homeless or at-risk.

Then, once you have your basic survival assured for, then go for the luxury of a formal diagnosis. The way I did it was seeing my regular psych at the local clinic, got a recommendation to see an autism specialist in the nearest metro area for evaluations, and after a few of those, I had my diagnosis.

Hope that helps, best of luck.

 

[bails0bub]

I probably should have proof read that first post to make sure of my self being clear in what I meant.

I'm less concerned with a formal diagnosis and more concerned with how to deal with constantly being an outcast to society, being manipulated, being pushed around.
Up untill recently I thought I just had bad/no social skills and crippling social anxiety that I would eventually "grow out of" as I have been being told my entire life.

I really want to know how dose one deal with knowing that they will all ways be the outsider looking in.

I feel like this still haven't explained myself well, but I'm bad at this. My apologies. Sorry if I'm waisting yours, or any one else who reads this time.

 

[Gritches]

Oh, I gotcha.

Many of us are easy to manipulate. Many of us are easy to push around. NTs are a legitimate danger to many of us, not because they're "bad" or "evil" but because we aren't playing the same game they are.

It's something I'm trying to sort out for myself at the moment. First thing is that I'm definitely going to enact a "no money" personal rule. People are intrinsically self-serving to the point of it being sociopathic; I'm not mingling my money with anyone else anymore.

But how to deal with it on an emotional level? Also something I'm still trying to sort out. Just sort of feels like my lot in life to be a stripe among spots, so there's no use in feeling too bad about it. All I know is that the key is to not allow myself to feel inferior because of it. Different, not less.

Hope also plays a part in dealing with it emotionally. There was a time when gay marriage was just some long-haired hippy's pipe dream. **** changes, and this will too. It'll get better. Not maybe - it will.

"The sun will come out...tomorrow..."

 

[bails0bub]

that makes me feel a little better, thank you.
its good to finally be able to talk about this with some one that isnt just going to get mad and leave because they dont understand (or dont want to hear) what i am telling them

 

[Nitro]

 

[Chance]

Hi and welcome...

I could write you a novel on what your saying... but now that your here, just start reading basically anywhere. Your story is just like so many of ours (including mine). I found out in a very hard way that telling people or trying to explain ASD is like kissing a Leper. Its not easy and people for some really messed up reason don't take it well. My wife who was with me when diagnosed still REFUSES the diagnosis. It pisses her off to no end. It basically has made her hate me... So with that I only say maybe just say only what you must...

But IF you come up with some good way to explain it, hit me up and I will listen. I will listen anyway...
Your in good company here. And I hope you get things patched up with your buddy. If you have been true friends a long time just dig for what would make both of you stay friends... ASD is a label not a curse or a new gang of thieves that you have decided to join. People get so bent over this and I never understand why.

My only guess is they have some preconceived picture of a lesser being and they don't want association with that... Just a guess? I don't think they have done much research either. Some (actually MOST) of the greatest minds in history, by todays standards fit into ASD territory. So, don't take it too hard. Maybe they are just secretly jealous : )

 

[bails0bub]

thank you. I think you are right about the preconceved notion, kind of like my step dad freaking out when the school told him i might be when i was a teenager. im not mad at him for it, just not sure how to handle it.

 

[Chance]

One thing that hit me hard in your post, was that you said your mom ran off... I do know how that feels. I had the person that gave me birth beating me, and openly hating me, and then abandoned me when I was 10.

No one really wanted me... It f...s you up... There is no fixing that, there is just a huge blank space that tore a hole in my existence... But overtime I just had to move past it, and at times it still comes back to haunt me and tell me I am nothing... But thats not true and I want you to know its not true... Just hang in there and you will find your bearings, and it will be okay if thats what your determined for it to be.

No one has the answers but you, you just have to dig inside and find it. However, it always helps to hang with people who are doing the same thing. Your already 20 steps ahead of most people, so just keep going in the right direction and find yourself and become something YOU are humbly proud of.

I used to be so worried over what people thought of me because I noticed they saw me as flawed or wrong...
Now I look back and I am very thankful I was never like them, and I will never be like them, nor can they ever be like me. : )

 

[bails0bub]

i guess i have alot of innersearching to do. thank you

 

[Warmheart]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[bails0bub]

thank you.

 

[Squished Crab]

I have only one friend and we live together and I have tried talking to him about this several times and every time he gets mad instantly and ends the conversation. Earlier today he told me I have till the end of the month to find a new place to live.

Welcome! My heart goes out to you, I have been homeless for a short time and it is not an ideal situation-fortunately I had a roomy car to sleep in. Does this roommate have the sole authority to kick you out of your apartment? Is there a lease or signed agreement involved that legally allows you to live there? I ask, because sometimes we can be walked on by others, and we fail to realize we are allowed to defend ourselves or provide an alternate ending to their demands. Or that we have no obligation to answer to their demands.

I sympathize with your situation, and if not, perhaps you may be able to make a deal with your friend to buy some time.

 

[bails0bub]

The house is owned by his parents (who hate me because of a time his mom tried to kiss me on the cheeck and I reeled in terror) so there is no lease.

 

[Chance]

The house is owned by his parents (who hate me because of a time his mom tried to kiss me on the cheeck and I reeled in terror) so there is no lease.

I'm not laughing at you... I'm laughing with you... That has to be the grossest thing on earth (to me).
Yes I know people mean well, but when ASD crosses over with SPD things get weird and people just don't understand how bazar something like that is to us.

In all honesty if you have known his mom for some time, she might be a person to explain your reaction too.
I can also see how she might feel offended (or even hurt) and she's just not understanding why you reacted in that manner.

I know its not often good to say anything concerning ASD, but when someone who apparently cares for you (or she wouldn't have done that) is giving out a form of validation... And you freak out... A simple short explanation might be in order.

Maybe not, but I hate knowing someone has no idea why I did something stupid. At that point I feel the need to at least give a quick short explanation and let them KNOW it wasn't anything they did wrong.
Just a possible suggestion, but never am I trying to tell you what you need to do...
Only you know that... : )

It just seems like your being booted for very small reasons that could be hashed out, but I do not pretend to know what all is going on... Because I don't and its none of my business.

 

[bails0bub]

spd?

I know I offended her, she brings it up every time I see her.

I will try that.

 

[Chance]

SPD (sensory processing disorder) I have it really bad... Sometimes if someone touches me lightly it feels like my skin is on fire or maybe nearly hurts. My clothes even make me uncomfortable at times. I hate bed sheets touching me, so I try to sleep on top of the covers mostly. My sense of touch, my hearing, and my smell are all way over sensitive. Its sucks at best, but I have no choice but to just deal with it.

I think SPD and ASD cross over a lot in many people. If your wanting to pursue this "apology" you might hand her some sort of short information on it, something she can relate too... I'm not sure how open minded she is, but she must care for you... as per what you explained earlier.

Please just be careful, I don't give the best information sometimes...
ONLY do this if you feel truly led to do so. I would feel awful making anything worse for you.
However it has the possibility in it that gives her some factual understanding, and that might open up a very good thing for you... Its a crap shoot so be carful and think it through.