I don't really understand what's the difference between autistics and neurotypicals

[dark cloud]

I know it's sound silly but sometimes or most of the time i can't understand the difference.

Whatever experience an autistic person can have, a neurotypical person can say ''we all have this experience, we all feel that way'' and even if these words are annoying, are confusing too.

The only times where neurotypicals don't say these shallow words are when an autistic person has an obvious difference.
For example a genius level of intelligence or intellectual disability, an extreme difficulty for reading and understanding other people, an extreme need for routine and sameness where it leads to meltdown if this routine disturbed, extreme sensory differences etc.

In movies or series (at least those i have seen) the differences are obvious. The autistic person has difficulty to understand social interactions while neurotypicals around them immediately understand.

In real life some autistics might not express so many differences that are so obvious.

Some neurotypicals trying to convince autistics that we aren't so different as we think we are. Okay but why at the same time when autistics are they're true selves neurotypicals have a problem with it?

This contradiction make it difficult for me to understand what's the difference. I can spot some differences i have but it's true neurotypicals can have them too.

I said in previous post that I go to a non profit organization for autistics. There the lady who is trying to teach us how to be more independent said that others wouldn't spot the difference we have with them. I don't know if she really meant it. She probably wanted to be helpful but i felt like she mocked us in front of our faces. The autistics there are obvious different while at the same time they tell us to act more like a neurotypical person (they don't say it but i know that that's what they mean).

The psychologist's daughter there (she is neurotypical) told me that they made fun of her too in general when i told her that when i was teenager kids were laughed at me.
I know she was trying to be helpful but she didn't make me feel better. Because she didn't end up having social anxiety. When she meets knew people she does eye contact, she acts i think naturally how others expect from her and others view her as normal. Friends of her friends don't advice her friends to not hang out with her because she ruins their image. As I said people view her as normal they don't point out her weirdness, they don't infantilizing her or have prejudices good or bad about her because of her neurotypicality.
Her mother didn't tell to psychologists "my daughter seem like a retard person". My mother did this and when i was annoyed she told "i didn't say you are retard, i said you act like one". Now she doesn't say it anymore but I know she thinks i am weird.

But again there are neurotypicals with problems. There are weird neurotypicals too.

And with all of these i can't understand what's the difference between autistics and neurotypicals. I get confused.

What differences we have compared with neurotypicals?

 

[Raggamuffin]

We all can experience struggles, but people with certain disorders experience difficulties in much higher amounts, or to greater degrees than NT's.

Ed

 

[Tom]

I see a difference but I can't explain it easily.

 

[UberScout]

I'm not entirely sure myself but here's what I've observed:

Autistic: People who run screaming from ants, roaches, insects and images that look like they were drawn by an alien.
NTs: The opposite.

Like I said, I don't fully understand either.

 

[Fino]

A person is defined as autistic by many characteristics. While someone neurotypical may share one or two of these characteristics with you, they don't add up to a big picture called "autism." Also, what was said about greater degrees.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

What differences we have compared with neurotypicals?

I think these things are a bit more obvious in small children then they are as adults,...in general. There are also more obvious examples of ASD-2 & 3's that may have noticeably lower IQs in specific areas, especially if there are significant co-morbidities. However, if I am interpreting the question correctly, I think this is more from the perspective of the ASD-1/Asperger's condition.

1. An obvious one,...simply take the AQ test, for example,...which mostly focuses upon the social and communication perspective. Most neurotypicals, statistically speaking, will most likely score 15/50. The "threshold" for autism is 30/50, and certainly, if one is scoring in the 40's, one is showing some pretty strong autistic traits. If you look at the test questions,...anyone could answer these questions any way they honestly felt,...even neurotypicals,...these are not "right" or "wrong" answers,...they just scoring it based upon how far, one way or the other, you feel best describes you. Now, take one, or two, or three of those questions,...a neurotypical could very well answer those questions very much like an autistic,...but NOT 30, 40, or 50 of them. There's enough strength in the number of questions to "weed out" autistics from neurotypicals,...most of the time,...my wife scored a 26/50,...to some, that may seem "borderline".

2. In every day society, as well, you will have neurotypicals that certainly exhibit occasional "autistic moments", perhaps are rather introverted, perhaps have underlying psychological issues that are similar to the co-morbids also common with ASDs, and so on. So, this is were we run into neurotypicals who either want to "empathize" with us by saying "I've experienced this too." or "minimize" the autistic condition by saying "Asperger's is just a label." or that it is just a "neurodivergent condition". Not realizing that even with an ASD-1/Asperger's condition, you do have to meet most, if not all, of the criteria in the DSM,...so there's more to it than just the social and communication issues,...and a neurotypical, by definition, would not meet that criteria. Furthermore, with an ASD, most of these identifying "baseline" behaviors and traits, more or less, are there long-term, or may be persistent, with or without therapies. Whereas, the neurotypical may experience them a handful of times in their lives. It is a totally different level of experience.

3. Many of us older adults, especially those of us that are highly socialized, certainly do not present the way we did when we were children, teens, and young adults. We have had sufficient time to make our mistakes, be more self-aware, mask a little better, cope with stressful, stimulating situations better, and blend into social situations better. Having said that, even at 55 years old,...I am not as socially and communicatively skilled as say a 30 year old neurotypical,...that delay persists if you are paying close attention to yourself and others. I know for a fact that I am learning over time,...it is obvious to me,...but I also am very aware of that "built-in" delay. That said, to the casual acquaintance, your co-workers,...they might not immediately recognize you as "someone on the spectrum",...and two,...you might be good enough at masking your condition, especially with many years of practice, that you too might not appreciate the differences between your behavior and theirs. I think this gets into this concept that autism can be one of the "hidden" disabilities,...in the sense that there is a LOT of differences between how an autistic processes things as compared to a neurotypical. Neurotypicals generally don't have "mind blindness", or persistent tinnitus, or visual snow syndrome, tactile sensory issues, anxiety levels higher than most, hearing sensitivities, tics, repetitive behaviors, eye aversion, "special interests", physical coordination issues,...and so on and on and on,...all wrapped up in this nice little package we call an "autistic person".

It's a LOT more than neurodivergence,...and NO,...sorry, neurotypicals, you absolutely cannot understand, relate, nor empathize.

 

[Suzanne]

I think it is a two fold reason. One is because in neurotypicals thinking, when we say: autism, they immediately latch on to the classic one, where it shows very definitely that some are not "normal" and thus, it is amusing to them, that a "normal" person is claiming to be autistic.

Second, it probably is said to make us feel less weird. "oh, who is normal"? "We all have quirks"! At least, after thinking about why neurotypicals have said such dismissive sentances.

The latest I am getting is: I think everyone is autistic today.

But, like you say, as soon as our distinctive traits come to the fore, that changes the dynamics and suddenly they see themselves as separate from us and in some cases, even feel threatened by us, due to our special traits.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I’m scared to take an AQ test because I’m scared it will say I’m not autistic

I was diagnosed with Aspergers as a toddler, after showing some very abnormal behaviors, interests, and skills. But over time everything has lessened or evened out, EXCEPT for my special interests.

My current therapist doesn’t believe I’m autistic at all and thinks I have various mental health issues that present with some of the same symptoms.

As an adult, I do not fit the majority of the DSM criteria for autism. My symptoms do not impair my functioning either.

Is this really just masking, or could it be a mental health issue and not autism?
I feel like an imposter

So,...you'd rather not take tests that may suggest you are/are not on the autism spectrum,...yet, here you are,...you are asking us,...who don't really know you,...if you are just masking, or have other issues and not autism. You do realize how confusing that is? I don't understand the logic of being scared of not being autistic.

Furthermore, if you are going to be tested, actually see a specialist in adult autism,...not some "therapist" or "psychiatrist",...and two, someone who understands the gender differences in how autism presents. There is sufficient genetic data from the autism genome project to demonstrate gender differences (methylation genes, for example), not to mention the functional imaging studies that show clear differences in the conductivity and connectivity between autistic males and females. This is where the specialists in autism are using the language "autisms",...pleural,...as it may manifest itself differently from one person to the next. Hence the old saying, "If you've met one person with autism,...you've met one person with autism." stressing that we are not all the same and shouldn't be put into this "box".

Seriously, get some answers. No one is going to "kick you off this forum" for not being autistic.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I think it is a two fold reason. One is because in neurotypicals thinking, when we say: autism, they immediately latch on to the classic one, where it shows very definitely that some are not "normal" and thus, it is amusing to them, that a "normal" person is claiming to be autistic.

Second, it probably is said to make us feel less weird. "oh, who is normal"? "We all have quirks"! At least, after thinking about why neurotypicals have said such dismissive sentances.

The latest I am getting is: I think everyone is autistic today.

But, like you say, as soon as our distinctive traits come to the fore, that changes the dynamics and suddenly they see themselves as separate from us and in some cases, even feel threatened by us, due to our special traits.

I think this highlights the rampant ignorance about autism, in general, how it presents at different stages of life, how it is diagnosed,...not to mention all the genetic, brain anatomical and physiological differences that they don't see. As I suggested, for many of us adults that fall into that category of an ASD-1/Asperger's condition,...much of our experience is hidden from others around us.

I run into this ignorance at work,...at one of the largest children's hospitals in the US,...we see autistic children daily, we make special care considerations for these kids,...all well and good. However, fail to recognize the autistic adult co-workers that have worked along side them for many years,...the talented neurosurgeon,...a world famous pediatric cardiac surgeon,...and the ophthalmologist that does our eye exams on our infants. Most people don't understand that most autistic children actually grow up to become adults,...and don't act like they did when they were 3, 5, 8 years old.

I think if you are going to "out yourself" you need to be careful. I ran into this situation you are describing above,...my own family. What I figure is that they already made a "moral diagnosis" of me,...and then years later I just suddenly come up with "this excuse" that they are not willing to process.

 

[Matthias]

Some neurotypicals trying to convince autistics that we aren't so different as we think we are.

They're not claiming no differences. They's just saying some autistic people exaggerate the severity of their difficulties.

Okay but why at the same time when autistics are they're true selves neurotypicals have a problem with it?

People tend to have a problem with mental/emotional problems such as stubbornness or rigid thinking and not autistic traits like social awkwardness.

What differences we have compared with neurotypicals?

Most NTs don't act autistic but the ones that do usually have mental/emotional problems like anxiety, depression, or personality disorders that were probably caused by emotional neglect. Compared to them, there isn't much of a difference other than problems starting earlier in life.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I agree with @Matthias perspective here.

Being immersed in a busy healthcare setting, with a lot of action going on, life and death situations, very serious consequences for not quickly reacting in a positive manner,...it highlights these things.

It's one thing to seek some support from the forum here,...but don't expect that from neurotypicals in the real world. People DO NOT want excuses, they DO NOT care about your personal issues,...they are far more concerned about your ability to act appropriately. If you come at them with, "Sorry,...my autism blah, blah, blah..." That is an excuse,...and it truly may be,...but still not acceptable,...they don't want to hear it. I think an ASD-2 or 3 in this situation may get a "pass", because their autism may be more obvious,...but not an ASD-1/Asperger's. That's the trade off,...you get to be autistic,...but are expected to function as if you are not,...and if people don't "see" your underlying autism, nor your psychological issues, nor your co-morbidities,...and many of them will not,...you're making excuses. "Shut up and do your job." The same thing with your family, especially those that have been diagnosed late in life and your family has already settled on a "moral diagnosis" of you.

 

[Luca]

So,...you'd rather not take tests that may suggest you are/are not on the autism spectrum,...yet, here you are,...you are asking us,...who don't really know you,...if you are just masking, or have other issues and not autism. You do realize how confusing that is? I don't understand the logic of being scared of not being autistic.

Furthermore, if you are going to be tested, actually see a specialist in adult autism,...not some "therapist" or "psychiatrist",...and two, someone who understands the gender differences in how autism presents. There is sufficient genetic data from the autism genome project to demonstrate gender differences (methylation genes, for example), not to mention the functional imaging studies that show clear differences in the conductivity and connectivity between autistic males and females. This is where the specialists in autism are using the language "autisms",...pleural,...as it may manifest itself differently from one person to the next. Hence the old saying, "If you've met one person with autism,...you've met one person with autism." stressing that we are not all the same and shouldn't be put into this "box".

Seriously, get some answers. No one is going to "kick you off this forum" for not being autistic.

Sorry if that was confusing I’m kind of confused myself, honestly!
I think I will see a specialist.

I know no one is going to kick me off the forum. I just don’t want anyone to feel like I’ve been dishonest.

 

[dark cloud]

@Luca

Sorry if that was confusing I’m kind of confused myself, honestly!
I think I will see a specialist.

I know no one is going to kick me off the forum. I just don’t want anyone to feel like I’ve been dishonest.

What you described makes sense to me at least, because i'm scared if eventually proofed i am not autistic after all.

The reason why i'm scared is because if i'm not autistic there's not a reasonable explanation why I am the way I am and i don't believe i suffered enough so it could be trauma. For what i had been through it's not something extreme that my behaviour would made sense.

There are people who've been through worse than me and they might be better in lifes than me. Even with my sister who lived with the same parents she's better than me. Has a job, a boyfriend, she's more easy to make friends etc.

I am not officially diagnosed. A psychologist said when i was 14 that might i had Asperger but she wasn't sure.

You can have both. When you are autistic it's not possible to not have mental health issues. Not because of your autism but how others around you behave to you.

Yes you might masking, a lot of autistic women do this even unconsciously.

I also believe i have ADHD.
In both autism and ADHD i feel impostor too.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I don't want to ruffle any feathers by saying this, but in the US (at least) it's kind of your decision if you're on the spectrum or not due to how much testing most of us have to go through in order to even get a diagnosis (some obviously had to get more than others for varying reasons, but it's still true). Most people with HFA who didn't get diagnosed as a kid and who don't push for a diagnosis as an adult will likely never get one, because nobody is going to suspect it if you mask really well and 'made it this far' without one, so to speak.

Does that mean it's not real? No, obviously it's very real, but these are very subtle distinctions. There are loads of people who were diagnosed with HFA as children who don't even identify with it now (like the comedian Jim Jefferies), so it's more about how you feel IMHO. Most people who push hard enough definitely get a diagnosis (everyone I've known who has pushed for a diagnosis has eventually gotten one), leading it to forever seem ambiguous depending on how you look at it. You're correct in feeling this way, IMO, and you're not the only one who has noticed this pattern.

 

[Knower of nothing]

Most people don't know anyone that's on the spectrum let alone well enough to comment. There is only the vague generalization. Not fitting in, specific interests, emotionally sensitive. It doesn't really paint the picture. Autism is a strange thing, it really is. In all cases where I've sat down with someone and explained some things that I feel or see. Or some of the ways I think, it has so far always been alien except to other autistics.