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I don’t support endless forgiveness

The Penguin

The Penguin

Chilly Willy The Penguin
When I’m talking about endless forgiveness, I’m referring to continuously forgiving the same person doing the wrong actions. This is a problem as the person didn’t learn anything. They figure if you are going to forgive them forever, they have no reason to change their act. So in summary, if the person doesn’t learn anything when you keep forgiving them, you are wasting your time.
 
garnetflower13 said:
Has someone advised for you to be endlessly forgiving, or is this a random thought? Just curious.
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Well it something my family do and I guess many other families do the same. Some people might do the same for friends too. I admit, I use to do that too. But I decided I'm not doing this anymore. The people I accept in my life now, when I forgive them, they manage to learn something most of the time and try to improve. Same thing applies to my self when someone forgives me, I aim to improve myself.
 
I guess that depends on who you are giving endless forgiveness to. As for my daughter and grandchildren, there's nothing they can do to not get my forgiveness, no matter what. That doesn't mean I approve of their behavior, but my love is so strong for them that I couldn't/wouldn't hold any grudge against them. As for ex boyfriends who were abusive, I have forgiven, but not forgotten and moved on.
The one person I can't forgive is myself. Even though I have cried it out several times over and tried to move forward with my life, I cannot forgive myself for the way I used to be. My past torments me almost daily and I deserve every bit of it after all the crap I've done. I'm not surprised my family hates me and I'm not surprised that I don't have any friends. I have created my own hell.
 
Catlover614 said:
The one person I can't forgive is myself. Even though I have cried it out several times over and tried to move forward with my life, I cannot forgive myself for the way I used to be. My past torments me almost daily and I deserve every bit of it after all the crap I've done. I'm not surprised my family hates me and I'm not surprised that I don't have any friends. I have created my own hell.
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I don't think it was you but maybe events happen in your life that was beyond your control.
 
The Penguin said:
I don't think it was you but maybe events happen in your life that was beyond your control.
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It was HOW I responded to the WHAT. I was a rebellious outlaw who didn't want to "follow the rules". It was me. Nobody forced me to behave the way I did. I take full blame.
 
Catlover614 said:
It was HOW I responded to the WHAT. I was a rebellious outlaw who didn't want to "follow the rules". It was me. Nobody forced me to behave the way I did. I take full blame.
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It's OK to make the wrong decisions in life, as nobody is born perfect; we are all works in progress! So it is alright to cut yourself some slack. I made some really dumb decisions in life, that when I look back at those times I cringe inside. But I also realize that I didn't have enough life knowledge to do otherwise, which is why it is getting easier to be at least lenient in the way I look at my younger self. I hope you can do the same!
 
garnetflower13 said:
It's OK to make the wrong decisions in life, as nobody is born perfect; we are all works in progress! So it is alright to cut yourself some slack. I made some really dumb decisions in life, that when I look back at those times I cringe inside. But I also realize that I didn't have enough life knowledge to do otherwise, which is why it is getting easier to be at least lenient in the way I look at my younger self. I hope you can do the same!
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I appreciate your kind words. I don't want to steal The Penguin's thread. Oftentimes, forgiveness can be a process instead of a snap decision. Sad thing about my dumb decisions in my former way of life is that they weren't committed as a young teenager, but in adult years.
 
I don't think that forgiving must go hand in hand with keeping the forgiven person in our lives. You can say "I forgive you, but we must go our separate ways from here".
 
For my part, I could not stand before the Lord and ask to be forgiven while withholding my own forgiveness from another. Conversely, since we are lessors compared to the Lord, I do not see how the lord could deny His own forgiveness to those whom we forgive. Remember, forgiving takes strength, especially when our acts of forgiveness draw the ire of fellow humans. I do believe that Jesus mentioned something about the things we do onto others we also do unto the Lord, be they bad or good. To actually accept being forgiven, one must take ownership of the sin.
 
One principle I came up with that has helped me personally is that if the wrong is not extreme (not something like rape or abuse etc.), then you can always leave the door open, but make the door that much harder to open, and allow them the opportunity to initiate and do things that favor your interests and your schedule. Sometimes, being a bit more selfish at first as a self defense mechanism helps me to move on 99.99999% of the time, or to allow the person to actually follow through enough that they show that they care.
 
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