I am in a later in life relationship with a man who exhibits Asperger's tendencies. I understand that makes me the NT. Unfortunately, my past is checkered with abusive relationships, and I tend to be even more emotionally insecure. I want this relationship to work. Is there advice above the typical for coping skills that I need to develop?
Thanks
As with any relationship, the key I feel is to have a healthy self-esteem, not too little nor too much, and to find ways to worry less too and to focus more on the good in your current life after healing from past experiences and traumas, and learning from any mistakes. This will better the chances not only of handling critiques and rejections better, but in not critiquing others too much, too, controlling others, or in seeming too needy or dysfunctional which can cause more anxieties and pressure in the relationship.
We need to love ourselves before many can love us, and we need to put efforts towards being our best if we want others to be the best for us, I feel. Giving and kindness goes a long ways, but be careful there to not be taken advantage of there, as we all have needs to be assisted as well and don't want to feel used. And having enough time for ourselves I feel is just as important for a relationship to succeed and grow. Too much distance or too much smothering or one-sidedness can lead to many relationship downfalls too.
In my case, I do what I can and when I can for myself and the relationship, and I focus on our compatible differences. I value the other differences though in my wife, just as I value my differences from her, in terms of unique interests and personality. I feel takes two to make relationships work, and it helps to compromise, have internal strength, perseverance and understanding abilities or qualities, and to have patience besides the obvious, commitment and love.
