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I don't want my sibling to visit

S

sebya

Well-Known Member
I don't want my sibling to visit and don't know what to do about it. She already planned a visit coming up and I just should have said no, I'll be too busy, or something like that. She is not nice to people. She blames everyone else for problems in her life, always playing the victim, blowing up at other relatives (in front of everyone) and then treating them badly and not talking to them. She's not talking to one of our parents and another sibling.

What if she blows up while she's here? I don't want to deal with it and I don't want her blowing up in front of my family! I'm a parent too. Do I mention something to her before she comes? Like "if you blow up and start screaming you're leaving immediately?" I don't want to create tensions either that could make it worse.

So now I don't know what to do. I really don't want her around my family though and I don't condone her behavior, but I feel like allowing her to visit is condoning her behavior. She has also driven away some of her own friends by her behavior. She doesn't seem to realize it's HER though.
 
Tell her this is not a good time, and ask her to cancel the trip.

If she asks "well, when would be a better time?" answer "I'll let you know."
 
If she's currently having problems with a parent and other sibling, you know she is coming to talk about them. You could let her know ahead of time that you have no interest in discussing her anger toward other family members. But I'd probably go with just calling and saying you realize it isn't a good time for you and could she postpone for another time.
I used to do the sister trips or sister weekends with my sisters but quit. One thing I hated about them was they both, as soon as the other left the room, would talk about the other. They once talked about the three of us moving in together in a few years and I immediately said "No, I don't think so." Anyhow, a few years ago I was planning the sister trip and made a reservation in Savannah, Ga. as I told them I would. As soon as I made the reservations I started feeling panicky, and up all night feeling the panic and thinking about how it was all going to go, so in middle of the night I got up and cancelled the reservations. lol I emailed my sisters the next day and just said I couldn't do it. I never gave them a specific reason and the trip never took place.
 
You dont need to give any excuse except it's not going to work out, and then if she gets pushy, you can decide if wish to bring it up, (arguments are too much to deal with). A lot of people don't get along with our family, l have the same issue, my brother always talks down to me.
 
This is clearly going to be a disaster in the making, as you already know. My advise would be to call her & say it really isn't an option for you right now but you are always there for her on the phone. You need to be assertive here, at your own peril if you aren't. You don't need to give any reasons other than that. If she kicks off, it's a lot easier to end a phone call than an unwelcome visit!

Edit. And don't feel guilty. You and your own family's well being has to come first.
 
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