I don't want to live any more

[Misty Avich]

I am REALLY struggling with life right now and I want to be dead. I can't put up living below those horrible loud people upstairs any longer but I have been told by the council that it's unlikely we'll be given anywhere because we live in "adequate housing", meaning we're less important. So that means I'm not being taken seriously, as we have stated how hellish our neighbours are and there's nothing we can do about it because their kiddies have to run about so we've just got to put up with it forever and ever. It ain't even just the kids, the adults pace about up there all day and all night.

My sister has been given a lovely, brand new council apartment on the second (top) floor because she has a baby. The council charge such cheap rent. In private housing the greedy landlords charge loads and I feel like I'm paying rent to live a nightmare. It's not fair.

I go to the doctor's about my emetophobia that is wrecking my life, they put me on like a year's waiting list for therapy (God knows what that's going to do anyway but I'm willing to try anything) and they have dismissed my problem as "minor", since it's a phobia they just dismiss it as an opinion rather than a disorder-like mental illness. How dare they say it's minor. So there's me not being taken seriously again.

And now I'm bored and stressed and fed up at work. Some boss bloke has turned up and is planning on changing everything, our contracts, schedules, everything. Can't cope with it all any more.

I've just had an argument with my husband over it, 1 o'clock in the morning. I think I'm heading towards a nervous breakdown. I want to commit suicide. I hate life sometimes. Makes me wonder what life is all about.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm just online right now desperately seeking help, I don't know what to do, I can't breathe and I'm scared I'm going to descend into madness. I've never been so anxious and depressed in my entire life and I thought I was getting better as I was getting older but because I'm not being listened to by the doctors or the council or my employer, and now I've upset my husband by breaking down at this time of the night, I just feel an utter failure who can't cope with life.

So, if one can't cope with life and is not being taken seriously whenever they try to sort things or get help, where can that person go? That's right, death. It's the only escape route. I think I'm going to have a heart attack.

 

[Rocco]

Hi I’m here if you want to message, either here or privately
Are you able to take a few minutes and do some controlled slow breathing, sing a song you like, or maybe some exercise?

 

[Jonn]

So that means I'm not being taken seriously, as we have stated how hellish our neighbours are and there's nothing we can do about it because their precious kiddies have to run about so we've just got to put up with it forever and ever.

Here in Australia, I think the council would put pressure on the property own to install carpet in the floor above you.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm calming down now. Me and my husband have just had a calm chat, he's said some wise words that made me think about how maybe I'm overreacting. I am overreacting, to the changes at work and everything, I admit that. I'm pretty adaptable so hopefully in time I might relax a bit and accept my new shifts at work. I've just got to remind myself that it's a job and I need to be responsible.

It's just my husband has dealt with difficult women in the past before he met me; either narcissists or women with mental health problems that impacted on the relationship. While I'm definitely not a narcissist, I do have mental health problems (anxiety really) and I really don't want to become a burden on him like his other girlfriends were. My husband is quite the laid back type who doesn't get anxious like I do. But I find it so hard to bottle my feelings up. And the more anxious I am, the more I need to be around people and confide in them. Sometimes talking face-to-face with people is easier than typing online. I feel comforted by other people's presence when I'm feeling stressed and anxious. Oh, but that's not to say I don't appreciate lovely people's help online though. But I'm just saying I do crave offline interaction as well as online.

See, many people would do anything for money and don't care how much pressure they're under at work or how boringly repetitive their work is as long as they're getting the money, and having a pay rise just gives them even more joy. That doesn't work on me. A pay rise means nothing to me and isn't going to make me work harder. A better paying job altogether would mean more, but being in a cleaning job and then being given a £1.50 rise in pay each hour just so they can put me under more pressure, is just not worth it to me really. I'd rather just carry on as I was before. A pay rise like that has not made any difference to my financial living state, as it just raises the council tax and now I'm having to endure more work in my job.

 

[Misty Avich]

This is what happens when I mask. I hardly ever mask much, but I did today by remaining very calm all through my shift when I was feeling highly stressed inside. That stress had to come out, which happened to be in the wee hours of the night.

I'm not going to mask like that again. Lol

 

[Jonn]

That stress had to come out, which happened to be in the wee hours of the night.

Spoiler

Yeah, getting out of bed to wee pisses me off too.