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I feel aimless in life.

Metalhead

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict. All for gay pride.
V.I.P Member
I called in sick to work today, but tomorrow my boss is going to talk to me to try to get me to be a more reliable worker.

I feel as if I am going through my life without any meaning or sense of purpose. I lost all interest in my job and my hobbies. I am not drinking but I am spending too much time doing nothing at all.

I feel like I need a reason to live since I currently have no such thing.
 
You sound depressed. Sometimes if I start to lose interest in hobbies and such I make myself do them anyway. Often, after I make myself get started at it I end up enjoying it after all and feel much better. I can't predict how it would work for you ,but am simply making a suggestion based off what I know usually works for me.
 
You can move forward in the face of these feelings. You can go back to the job tomorrow and start your routine again. You may feel like your life is already over, that it's going nowhere but your story isn't over.
And if today all you did was hold yourself together, I’m proud of you.
 
All-Rounder said:
You can move forward in the face of these feelings. You can go back to the job tomorrow and start your routine again. You may feel like your life is already over, that it's going nowhere but your story isn't over.
And if today all you did was hold yourself together, I’m proud of you.
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Plodding along is how I got through all those undiagnosed years. It wasn't easy, but I was too stubborn to let my feelings dictate my actions. Now that I am retired, I have so many hobby projects going, it's hard to imagine how I had time to work 40 hours a week.
 
Maybe to live is a reason by itself? To see how far you can travel, what new food you can cook, which new music you will discover, what interesting people you will meet, what beautiful sunset you will see. It's the little things that count, while we work towards the bigger goal, sometimes even without knowing, what that goal is. Life is a constant movement.
 
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All I did today was hold myself together. I will be talking with my therapist in 20 minutes from now. I feel like all I want to do is stay in bed and zone out.
 
I'm glad you kept your therapy appointment. Maybe you can ride these feelings out - you are just coming home from a really disappointing vacation that you had been looking forward to for a long time.

Holding yourself together is a good goal for this moment until you feel a bit better and then can focus more on the big goals.

For now, how about healthy food, water, sleep, movement, proper meds?
 
You are in a bit of a tailspin, just overwhelmed with helplessness, which then sails thru why am l even here after what l went thru. You do have hard landings at times. l think your disappointment in your vacation brought you down, and then magnified your feelings of being stuck and not progressing forward. Can you take steps to work towards a new goal to keep you grounded? You have come really far in seeing your family are emotional leeches, but you still have to find a new passion or goal to work towards. Good luck, try to stay on the path.
 
I will admit I tried to order a case of beer today on Instacart, but my debit card did not have enough funds on it so I got denied. Ah, well.

I should be asleep right now but my thoughts are racing. I wish I had a pill to make my brain numb.
 
Add in an argument I had with my mother a few hours ago. My mother had been pestering me to give her my Michigan friend’s phone number, and in her supreme arrogance she claimed that after everything she had done for me, it really hurt her that my friend does not want her to have that phone number at all. She started crying and claiming I was hurting her. What a worthless narcissist she is.
 
I should go no contact with my entire blood family at this point, seeing as not a single one of them thinks of me as being an actual human being. And seeing that my mother has all of them convinced that she has always been my number one advocate, despite the fact that she intentionally raised me in an environment where she and her sister molested me and violated my boundaries repeatedly when I was a child.
 
Seriously, there is no point in talking about this with anybody in my family, but when I was in middle and high school, my mother was always grabbing my ass at random, and she always thought it was hilarious when she saw my entire body cringe in reaction to that. She was laughing at me when I told her I wanted her to stop doing that - it was an exasperated laugh, as she was claiming I was making a big deal out of nothing and that since I had a cute ass, it was her right to keep on grabbing it.
 
Metalhead said:
Seriously, there is no point in talking about this with anybody in my family, but when I was in middle and high school, my mother was always grabbing my ass at random, and she always thought it was hilarious when she saw my entire body cringe in reaction to that. She was laughing at me when I told her I wanted her to stop doing that - it was an exasperated laugh, as she was claiming I was making a big deal out of nothing and that since I had a cute ass, it was her right to keep on grabbing it.
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She had no right to treat you like that. In fact, I think it is actually illegal.
 
Metalhead said:
I should go no contact with my entire blood family at this point, seeing as not a single one of them thinks of me as being an actual human being.
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You've been repeatedly coming to that conclusion for at least a year, haven't you?

What's holding you back from achieving that position?
 
Metalhead said:
Stockholm syndrome. I need to snap out of that.
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Make no mistake about it. For most of us I think it's very real in maintaining family ties, even when they are overtly toxic. That much is true. Good analogy, "Stockholm Syndrome".

Though in your particular case I think it's imperative to break those ties permanently in your own best interest.
 
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The only people in my life who really care if I live or if I die are the people I work with at my job - that is because I am the only person there who knows how to fix the database that everybody there uses. That is my sole reason to keep existing, it seems.
 
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