I feel like I always need to prove myself

[Sherlock77]

I'm not sure that is exactly what I mean but...

I'm a European car geek living in hinterland, thus a number of years ago seeing a 1960's Saab 96 driving around rather thrilled me, I spotted it several times, but always while it was driving, no photo of it (alright does that really matter anyway ) It always drove me crazy just seeing it and not getting a recorded image of it.

Then one day wandering through a nearby neighbourhood, I finally spotted the Saab, parked, stationary, I did get my photo, not an award winning photo but a photo regardless... And I have seen Saab's of that vintage before and taken photos, but at car shows

Why am I saying this? A moment today where I spotted an MV-1 disability car (look it up), another quite rare, more modern car, I had seen it last week driving behind me as I drove down a side street... Today the MV-1 was across the street pulling out from a parking spot as I walked by, I got a photo, not a very good one, kicking myself for it

I can be like that often, why can't I just register the "sighting" in my head (in a notebook) and say I saw it, I somehow feel a need to prove it, I suppose partially because I am a fairly serious photographer

I have sometimes thought about bird watchers, many of them don't take photos but simply record in a notebook the birds they have seen, for me that doesn't seem like enough... And, yes, I need to stop being so hard on myself, but even that is a struggle

 

[Wolfsage]

Part of your hobby. If the picture pleases you it was worth it. As for bad picture s their useful too. They help refine your technique. Position, lighting, scenery, all must be taken into account.
You must feel for the moment and know when it arrives.

 

[Au Naturel]

Lucky you're not a nudist.

 

[SusanLR]

Just something about wanting the memory on a photograph.
Dunno. I take pictures of so many things too.

 

[Sherlock77]

Just something about wanting the memory on a photograph.
Dunno. I take pictures of so many things too.

True... A big part of it for me is the quality of the photo, especially in a case like this, even though I should know that there were multiple variables out of my control (which there were), and that made it far more difficult, which still isn't my fault... If any of this makes sense

 

[Mary Terry]

I had a silver Saab EMS (I think that was what it was called) with a sunroof back in the 1970s and loved that car. It was great for driving in snow in the mountains. Hang in there, Sherlock. You'll see another car to photograph and have your camera ready.

 

[Sherlock77]

I had a silver Saab EMS (I think that was what it was called) with a sunroof back in the 1970s and loved that car. It was great for driving in snow in the mountains. Hang in there, Sherlock. You'll see another car to photograph and have your camera ready.

That would have been a Saab 99 which was sold as an EMS version as well

To me the classic Saab is the 1960's 95 & 96 cars, they were never sold new in Canada...

 

[musicalman]

@Sherlock77 I'm not sure if I'm directly relating to your feelings, but I have my own interpretation which may provide some insight?

As a musician who's special interest is music technology (synthesizers mainly), I get these weird ideas where I want to try something new. Let's see if I can make synth x produce sound y. Or I have this cool chord progression or melody which is the most awesome thing since chocolate candy. It's not enough for me to sit and make a really rough recording or write things down, because I waste hours on unimportant details. My brain doesn't have a filter, well I'm starting to develop one but it doesn't come naturally so, most of the time I end up just thinking things through in my head silently. Then when I feel like I've got it all flushed out, or if I'm at a crossroads and don't know what I should do, then I'll start working with the end goal of finishing, or at least getting a solid idea down which I can add to or use somewhere else.

I've often discovered that if I put a project down for more than a few weeks, it's hard for me to get back into the zone, and that dismays me. It's even worse when I set some idea aside because I just don't feel like doing it right now. Then I let the excitement build and build until I'm good and pumped up to do something with it, but as soon as I try to make it real, to prove that it can happen if you will, it just... doesn't work.

At times it makes me wonder if I've completely lost what I had. If I can't even zone out with my special interest, or use the closest thing I have to a talent to make something cool, then what am I doing? The feeling doesn't last long though. I just have to find something to get my mind off it, and try something a little more familiar. That helps too.

Over time I've stopped being as pedantic as I once was. I have my moments, but lately I've been a lot less picky particularly about my stuff. Part of the reason is that I've realized if I take on too much, I'll burn out really quickly. But I also think my lowering of standards is a bit of a coping mechanism for my depressive thoughts. If I can stop thinking thoughts like "You've lost your talents!" and start thinking "Ehh, this works I guess, moving on..." Then I can dismiss things more easily, and maybe I can stack a few things together which make the whole thing work really well in the end, even if it wasn't what I wanted it to be.

I think that mindset often confuses people; how can I be so dismissive of certain things but be so critical too? Some people seem to find that an easy distinction to make. I've heard people say a hundred times to not sweat the small stuff, or don't worry about what you barely notice. I'm starting to learn how to do that, but it's a hard deliberate process. It doesn't make me feel better about myself when my motivation tanks, but it does help me cope.

So yeah, not sure if this sounds anything at all like you, but your idea of having to take that car photo seems to be similar to how I feel about my creative ideas. Only difference is that with photography, there is at least some sort of real-world reference available since you're taking pictures of real objects, but with art, you have to imagine most if not all of it, and hope your best imitation of the art in your mind is actually good lol

 

[Sherlock77]

@Sherlock77 I'm not sure if I'm directly relating to your feelings, but I have my own interpretation which may provide some insight?

As a musician who's special interest is music technology (synthesizers mainly), I get these weird ideas where I want to try something new. Let's see if I can make synth x produce sound y. Or I have this cool chord progression or melody which is the most awesome thing since chocolate candy. It's not enough for me to sit and make a really rough recording or write things down, because I waste hours on unimportant details. My brain doesn't have a filter, well I'm starting to develop one but it doesn't come naturally so, most of the time I end up just thinking things through in my head silently. Then when I feel like I've got it all flushed out, or if I'm at a crossroads and don't know what I should do, then I'll start working with the end goal of finishing, or at least getting a solid idea down which I can add to or use somewhere else.

I've often discovered that if I put a project down for more than a few weeks, it's hard for me to get back into the zone, and that dismays me. It's even worse when I set some idea aside because I just don't feel like doing it right now. Then I let the excitement build and build until I'm good and pumped up to do something with it, but as soon as I try to make it real, to prove that it can happen if you will, it just... doesn't work.

At times it makes me wonder if I've completely lost what I had. If I can't even zone out with my special interest, or use the closest thing I have to a talent to make something cool, then what am I doing? The feeling doesn't last long though. I just have to find something to get my mind off it, and try something a little more familiar. That helps too.

Over time I've stopped being as pedantic as I once was. I have my moments, but lately I've been a lot less picky particularly about my stuff. Part of the reason is that I've realized if I take on too much, I'll burn out really quickly. But I also think my lowering of standards is a bit of a coping mechanism for my depressive thoughts. If I can stop thinking thoughts like "You've lost your talents!" and start thinking "Ehh, this works I guess, moving on..." Then I can dismiss things more easily, and maybe I can stack a few things together which make the whole thing work really well in the end, even if it wasn't what I wanted it to be.

I think that mindset often confuses people; how can I be so dismissive of certain things but be so critical too? Some people seem to find that an easy distinction to make. I've heard people say a hundred times to not sweat the small stuff, or don't worry about what you barely notice. I'm starting to learn how to do that, but it's a hard deliberate process. It doesn't make me feel better about myself when my motivation tanks, but it does help me cope.

So yeah, not sure if this sounds anything at all like you, but your idea of having to take that car photo seems to be similar to how I feel about my creative ideas. Only difference is that with photography, there is at least some sort of real-world reference available since you're taking pictures of real objects, but with art, you have to imagine most if not all of it, and hope your best imitation of the art in your mind is actually good lol

Not quite like that, but thanks for your thoughts...

I tend to treat classic car spotting a little like bird watchers might, chalking up a list of what I've seen, and I've managed to get a great photo of said car, I don't always get lucky, sometimes I do...

 

[SDRSpark]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to document your sightings with photos. You are a photographer after all. Enjoy it, and stop worrying about it. This is fairly typical behavior for a photographer. As long as you are not behaving in a way that is unethical or illegal (and it sounds like you aren't - this is far less of a problem with CARS than it is with other things you could be interested in) you have absolutely nothing to worry about.