I had a meltdown and I dont know how i feel.

[Shaun-Junior Bishop]

Hi,
Today i was in my mothers car with her when a car was coming too fast towards the round about we were going round and it caused me to get really anxious and aggressive and my mum tried to say that if she was to hit us then it would be the other drivers fault but i kept getting the compulsive thought that the woman was a bad person and it kept going over and over and over and i kept going on and going at her and i lost control..my senses got so intense it felt like i didnt have my sunglasses on but i did, i started shouting, calling her names and everything just became so overwhelming. I just had such strong emotions all at once and all i wanted to do was leave and i tried to get out of the car while it was moving, but it was going too fast. I started rocking and screaming to get out and i got out just as my mum stopped and i just walked and put my noise cancelling headphones on and then i sat against a corner outside and just closed my eyes and stimmed. I just didnt know what to do, everything was too much and now 7 hours after i can not stop thinking about it, how i was so vulnerable, that i had no control and that i put so many people at risk.

I have my autism assessment in two days and i think it is making me stressed and anxious.

Am i a bad person? I dont want to hurt anyone..

 

[Wolfnox]

No your not a bad person. Your doing the best you can with what life dealt you.

 

[Mia]

Glad you were not physically hurt Shaun but emotionally and psychologically it has taken it's toll. Have had several of what I used to think of as 'freak-outs,' too. Where I lost control then recovered enough to get myself home. Each time a massive meltdown happened, I learned to control them a little bit better afterwards, even delaying them until I could be alone. You will as well over time.

Hope your Mom understands that it was not about her, maybe you should tell her a little about your anxiety and stress, unless she already understands. You are not a bad person, it happens to us in our lives.

 

[GadAbout]

If you have not already done so, you should apologize to your mother, for what was undoubtedly a very stressful experience for her. And let her know you will try to develop better self-control, though that may take some time.

 

[Shaun-Junior Bishop]

Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive comments. I have been repeatedly apologising to my mother but i just feel so bad and i cant get it out of my head

 

[Wolfnox]

Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive comments. I have been repeatedly apologising to my mother but i just feel so bad and i cant get it out of my head

Try this. It gets rid of all thoughts.

 

[tducey]

Happens to all of us, comes with our Autism. Talk to your Mom and hope things work out going forward.

 

[the_tortoise]

You are not a bad person!

Meltdowns are terrible and frightening for everyone and I am sorry you had one but it does not make you a bad person.

 

[Kirsty]

I can so relate. I had a meltdown last night after renting a car for a funeral. It was fine driving going up, but arriving home was a disaster not knowing where I was going with angry drivers all around me. I’m not doing this again. I thought it would be an easy option as it had sat nav, but they’re not that good. Will stick to trams, taxi’s and buses. Car hire can sort of count as public transport...

You’re not a bad person. I agree that we are doing our best with what life dealt us. It would of been easier if someone came with me, but I was on my own. The person who worked in car returns was a young man and he handled me well. I apologised for having a moment and thanked him for being supportive. He kept his cool and said it was ‘nothing’. I felt a bit bad for putting him in an uncomfortable situation, but at the same time I needed someone to talk to.

At least you weren’t on your own in the car.