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I hate being sensitive to people's moods

M

Misty Avich

I have ADHD
V.I.P Member
This week a colleague at work has been in a really bad mood, even though his personality is usually placid and laid-back. I can understand his frustration and can sympathise, but at the same time I get a little nervous when people are in a really bad mood. He spent the day swearing, shouting and throwing and kicking things across the room. It's because we're terribly short-staffed at the moment, which I can understand, but I'm still feeling very emotionally exhausted at the very tense atmosphere I've had to work in today.

He's really not himself lately. I can't do much to help because I'm just a cleaner, not trained to do engineering, but I got on with my work. But I felt quite on edge, and then when I'd finished he told another colleague (who'd just arrived) that he wasn't impressed with me. I was very surprised at hearing he'd said that because he always sees me as a good worker and I do too. But I got a bit tearful and worried that I had let him and myself down. But I'm not crying because of thinking about myself or anything, I'm just tearful because I soak up other people's moods like a sponge and I become very affected by it. Sometimes I get frightened. I've always been like this ever since I was about 3 or 4 years old. I also feel deeply concerned for the other person.

I'm home now but feeling mentally exhausted and shaky. I get so jealous of people who are old enough to retire. I hate work.
 
It's tough when you are the type that pick up on others emotions. I can't offer anything specific advice wise other than to simply remind yourself that this is the case. Which you already have that level of self awareness. I'd suggest doing whatever it is that works for you to calm down and find your peace. For me it's walking, journalling and meditation. Oh and music always music.

If your colleague continues this behaviour it may be worth having a conversation with him. Let him know that when he acts that way that it does have an impact on those around. Could be that he doesn't realize this and maybe just someone showing some empathy and concern for his behaviour may help him as well.
 
I don't need advice, I'm just worn out.

Sometimes sitting having a conversation with someone as exasperated as he's been isn't really that easy. Sometimes it's best to just leave be, as I can tell that the last thing he wants is for people to talk to him or be all like "there there". The office knows we're short-staffed and he shouldn't be expected to have so much pressure on him. Apparently they're sorting the staff out as best they can but I don't think they're doing much. There's a guy who retired a few months ago but had asked if he could come back and help out part-time. He's a skilled and qualified engineer so all the company really need to do is to pick up the phone and approve it. But they seem to not have bothered, and we're so desperate, and if my colleague is getting in this state then the company needs to make more effort to get as much help as we can.

Personally, if I were the angry colleague, I wouldn't stay all these extra hours to cover for people who aren't there. I'd do my contracted hours, maybe a couple of extra to help out, then say "I've done enough, I'm not going to be a skivvy, I'm going home because I need to eat and sleep for the sake of my mental and physical health." I think that the more work he takes on (doing 17-hour days) the less inclination the company are going to do to hurry up and sort the staff out.
 
Misty Avich said:
I don't need advice, I'm just worn out.

Sometimes sitting having a conversation with someone as exasperated as he's been isn't really that easy. Sometimes it's best to just leave be, as I can tell that the last thing he wants is for people to talk to him or be all like "there there". The office knows we're short-staffed and he shouldn't be expected to have so much pressure on him. Apparently they're sorting the staff out as best they can but I don't think they're doing much. There's a guy who retired a few months ago but had asked if he could come back and help out part-time. He's a skilled and qualified engineer so all the company really need to do is to pick up the phone and approve it. But they seem to not have bothered, and we're so desperate, and if my colleague is getting in this state then the company needs to make more effort to get as much help as we can.

Personally, if I were the angry colleague, I wouldn't stay all these extra hours to cover for people who aren't there. I'd do my contracted hours, maybe a couple of extra to help out, then say "I've done enough, I'm not going to be a skivvy, I'm going home because I need to eat and sleep for the sake of my mental and physical health." I think that the more work he takes on (doing 17-hour days) the less inclination the company are going to do to hurry up and sort the staff out.
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I know you weren't asking for advice. I just always feel the need to give some when I can.

As for your second point there about not doing the extra hours I'm with you on that. But it's not easy for some, apparently your colleague included. I know until I had a burnout I used to be the same sort that couldn't keep that work/life balance in check, thus the burnout.

I hope things improve soon for you, and for your colleague. Life is to short to be stressed out by that sort of thing. But sometimes we can't help it.

Take care.
 
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Misty Avich said:
This week a colleague at work has been in a really bad mood, even though his personality is usually placid and laid-back. I can understand his frustration and can sympathise, but at the same time I get a little nervous when people are in a really bad mood. He spent the day swearing, shouting and throwing and kicking things across the room. It's because we're terribly short-staffed at the moment, which I can understand, but I'm still feeling very emotionally exhausted at the very tense atmosphere I've had to work in today.

He's really not himself lately. I can't do much to help because I'm just a cleaner, not trained to do engineering, but I got on with my work. But I felt quite on edge, and then when I'd finished he told another colleague (who'd just arrived) that he wasn't impressed with me. I was very surprised at hearing he'd said that because he always sees me as a good worker and I do too. But I got a bit tearful and worried that I had let him and myself down. But I'm not crying because of thinking about myself or anything, I'm just tearful because I soak up other people's moods like a sponge and I become very affected by it. Sometimes I get frightened. I've always been like this ever since I was about 3 or 4 years old. I also feel deeply concerned for the other person.

I'm home now but feeling mentally exhausted and shaky. I get so jealous of people who are old enough to retire. I hate work.
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I get anxious when people yell too. I hope things get better for you at your job or else that you will be able to find another one where people don't act like that. I have often thought that it would be nice to get one of those work from home jobs.
 
FayetheAspie said:
I get anxious when people yell too. I hope things get better for you at your job or else that you will be able to find another one where people don't act like that. I have often thought that it would be nice to get one of those work from home jobs.
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I am considering working from home. I think every workplace involves stress, even workplaces that are normally more laid-back, like my workplace is generally. I love working with people and making friends at work but I just find work itself mentally draining, especially on the days when I get brain fog and just can't motivate myself. Having ADHD I often get distracted or sidetracked, although I do always complete my work effectively. I just need to do it my way.

Before I can consider looking into a work from home job, we need to move first, as where we live now isn't really the right environment for working from home, with the constantly noisy family upstairs.
 
Misty Avich said:
I am considering working from home. I think every workplace involves stress, even workplaces that are normally more laid-back, like my workplace is generally. I love working with people and making friends at work but I just find work itself mentally draining, especially on the days when I get brain fog and just can't motivate myself. Having ADHD I often get distracted or sidetracked, although I do always complete my work effectively. I just need to do it my way.

Before I can consider looking into a work from home job, we need to move first, as where we live now isn't really the right environment for working from home, with the constantly noisy family upstairs.
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I would have to obtain an actual computer and learn to use it well enough first. Currently I only have a cellphone and I don't think most of the jobs could be done on it. I also have ADHD. Mine is the ADHD - combined presentation.
 
I hate those overbearing personalities at work that sorta force their moods on you. Work is stressful enough.
 
Usually he's a laid-back, easy person to work with. So I've never seen him this angry before and I felt a bit uncomfortable. When I told my aunt she said he shouldn't really be behaving like that in the workplace, no matter how stressed he is.
I like him a lot, so this hasn't made me lose any respect for him. When I like someone I can forgive a situation like this. But no matter who it is I get very distressed when someone else is really stressed around me.

At my previous job I got treated like a punching bag by the manager when she was in a bad mood one day. I noticed she was in a foul mood that day and I thought the best thing to do was to just keep my head down and get on with my work. But when I was doing that I suddenly found myself being shouted at by her at the top of her voice, accusing me of something I didn't do. Then when I calmly told her that it wasn't me, she shouted at me not to lie. I was livid and nearly walked out on the job that day.

I'm just always on edge when someone's in a foul mood because I'm scared I'll be in the wrong place at the wrong time and get shouted at. I don't like being shouted at. Call me a wimp but it makes me cry uncontrollably. It can be so embarrassing but I can't help it.

I tried shutting off my thoughts today, as in not thinking at all. But I still felt the emotion creeping in. For me it doesn't seem to take any thought to feel things. That's why it's so hard to rationalise my feelings like everyone tells me to do. I can't.
 
I'm a very nervous person. I always have been. I'm timid and wimpy. I worry I look selfish by getting scared of other people's behaviours when they're in a bad mood. But it's not that. I can feel more than one emotion at a time. I can be feeling uncomfortable and intimidated by a person's bad mood while at the same time understanding why they're feeling like that and feeling concerned for them. But because I'm sensitive and nervous, it can be difficult to be in such awkward situations.

But just because a person is edgy about another person's issue it doesn't mean they lack empathy (not saying anyone here implied that, I'm just making a point). I could say the guy at work is lacking empathy for part of the reason they're short-staffed - because one of the other guys is off right now because his baby is ill in hospital. The angry guy at work isn't going to stop and think "oh I can't be this angry, it ain't his fault, I bet he's feeling even more stressed than me, I should be less angry and instead stop and think how he's feeling." No, lol. Emotions don't allow that. I'm sure he is concerned for his colleague's ill baby, but that still wouldn't stop him feeling frustrated and stressed with being the only one at work having to do the work of 3 people on his own and feeling the pressure.
 
Misty Avich said:
This week a colleague at work has been in a really bad mood, even though his personality is usually placid and laid-back. I can understand his frustration and can sympathise, but at the same time I get a little nervous when people are in a really bad mood.
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Keep sharp objects away from him. 🐨

Misty Avich said:
But I'm not crying because of thinking about myself or anything, I'm just tearful because I soak up other people's moods like a sponge and I become very affected by it. Sometimes I get frightened. I've always been like this ever since I was about 3 or 4 years old. I also feel deeply concerned for the other person.
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And some ppl say you lack empathy. 🤨

Misty Avich said:
I get so jealous of people who are old enough to retire.
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I get that a lot. :cool:
 
Jonn said:
Keep sharp objects away from him. 🐨
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Well there are lots of dangerous tools lying around. He threw a chair the other day, I was standing outside and all I saw was a chair come flying out a door.
Too much testosterone in my workplace. Maybe men just need to learn to cry more, as crying does release a lot of negative emotions and really does help to remain more in control of your actions.
Jonn said:
And some ppl say you lack empathy. 🤨
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I know. I get it all the time online, yet in real life I tick all the boxes of both types of empathy. So it makes me come to hate that word lol.
Jonn said:
I get that a lot. :cool:
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I'd love to retire, I really would. If I did get bored (highly unlikely) or lonely I could just do volunteering work.
 
I'm ready to retire lol. I'm done with work now. Too many rules. I don't like rules. I want to do what I want in my own time. Then I'll be happy and content forever. I want to be a stay-at-home housewife just pottering about in a little cottage every day with my husband, working on my hobbies and busying myself with household chores and the garden, and looking after my pets. That's the life for me.
 
^
I pretty much got all that, minus the partner.
It is an anxiety free life 99% of the time.

Be jealous...
Very jealous... :cool:
 
I understand. People with bad tempers are the worst. They don't even understand that they are ruining everyone's mood
 
Some do not realize. Others with narcissistic and/or antisocial personality disorder can deliberately use their temper to control and intimidate others.
 
You can tell him that you wish you could help him, but that you don't feel comfortable to try and that the best you can recommend is a good therapist/therapy practice possibly.
 
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