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I Hate it When People Phrase Orders Like Questions

Joshua the Writer

Joshua the Writer

Very Nerdy Guy, Any Pronouns
V.I.P Member
A thing that really bothers me is when somebody phrases an order/command like a question. For example:

My dad: "would you take the trash out for me?"
Me: "no thank you"
Dad: "why not?"
Me: "because I don't want to"
My dad: "but I told you to"
Me: *Autistic confusion*

I swear. Both of my parents do this often even though that I told them multiple times that I interpret that as a question, and respond to it as if an optional request were being made. They *know* I am Autistic and they know that I interpret things differently.
 
Would you prefer them to just tell you to do it without making it sound like you have a choice or would you prefer it to BE a choice?

Why don't you want to take out the trash?
 
I agree, and I find this happens even outside of family. "take out the trash for me, please" is simultaneously polite yet clear and direct.
 
While I get the literal interpretation of what you're hearing, you're going to have far more success in life if you learn to translate what they mean. You're not going to train every person you come across in life to communicate in a way that is different for them just to suit you.
It's a nice thought, but it's realistically never going to happen.
 
I get this a lot from some people, but I tend to be a lot more blunt in the response.

Someone: Hey, would you take out the trash?

Me: LOL

Pretty much like that. Never been one to sugarcoat things.
 
At work, I would often get coworkers asking, "RenameMePlease, do you feel like doing *insert work task here*?" I would jokingly say, "Not really, but I will do it anyway. :)"
 
This confuses me too. It’s led to many funny stories my faverite being the time a neighbour knocked at the door and asked “if my Mum was in” I said yes and their was a long awkward silence until I realised she wanted me to get her.
 
SimonSays said:
Would you prefer them to just tell you to do it without making it sound like you have a choice or would you prefer it to BE a choice?

Why don't you want to take out the trash?
Click to expand...
I would prefer it if they don't make it a choice, then just make it sound like a command.

That was just a random example. Not necessarily an actual scenario.
 
I was bad at taking out the trash. Forgetful, kept on putting it off, etc. Often someone else had to do it. Until I came home one night to find it dumped in my bed. I did better after that. :D
 
Sapphire K said:
I swear. Both of my parents do this often even though that I told them multiple times that I interpret that as a question, and respond to it as if an optional request were being made. They *know* I am Autistic and they know that I interpret things differently.
Click to expand...

I think that warrants you to have a "Come To Jesus Meeting" with your folks.

Indeed, they should know better, apart from refraining on passive-aggressive behavior aimed at their own child.

Could be worse though. In my military family every request was a command. The only one I consistently balked at was "get a haircut". :rolleyes:
 
It does seem a convoluted way to communicate.

Asking for your opinion or feelings about doing a task and asking you to do the chore, all folded in to the same question.

However they likely learned that type of “blah blah” speaking from their parents. And have no clue, give no thought to the literal weirdness of the interacton.

My way: Hey (insert name here) I am making dinner. When you get to a *stop spot take the trash out after I dump these stinky scraps in there.

Being this socially precise kind of exhausts me though. Then I need someone else to do the dishes.


* a stop spot is a halt in whatever that person is in the middle of doing, such as a game, a conversation, homework, etc.
 
Varzar said:
While I get the literal interpretation of what you're hearing, you're going to have far more success in life if you learn to translate what they mean. You're not going to train every person you come across in life to communicate in a way that is different for them just to suit you.
It's a nice thought, but it's realistically never going to happen.
Click to expand...

I'm just going to quote this post, because it's important. Understanding this will change your life. I mean anyone when I say "you."
 
Sapphire K said:
"would you take the trash out for me?"
Click to expand...
This construction with 'would' is a bit problematic. If I heard it, I would take it as a request, and optional, rather than an order. So I could say that I can't, because I don't have time right now.

It's literal interpretation wouldn't make much sense in this context, especially without an 'if' clause - why would someone ask me if I hyperthetically would take the trash out for them? "Would you take out the trash for me if I were sick?" would make some sense.

The addition of "please" would make it clearer that it is a request, and also swap the "would' for "could"

"Could you please take out the trash for me?" Could + please = polite request.
 
Sapphire K said:
A thing that really bothers me is when somebody phrases an order/command like a question. For example:

My dad: "would you take the trash out for me?"
Me: "no thank you"
Dad: "why not?"
Me: "because I don't want to"
My dad: "but I told you to"
Me: *Autistic confusion*

I swear. Both of my parents do this often even though that I told them multiple times that I interpret that as a question, and respond to it as if an optional request were being made. They *know* I am Autistic and they know that I interpret things differently.
Click to expand...
As a kid, if a parent made such a request I automatically took it as an order because it was an order.

I never minded if it was a request for help, such as - Mum: "I'm putting some washing in, will you the washing basket from the bathroom" - that's just me being helpful but when it was something like this - Dad: "get me an apple" that felt like him saying "I know I can treat you like a slave"

Saying no would have got me a good hiding.
Cowardly of me, I know.
 
I still recall when my father made a rather large sign and placed it on the wall of my bedroom.

It stated, "REMEMBER THE MAINE, BUT DON'T FORGET TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH!" :rolleyes:
 
That answer from a child would get a two word response from me depending on the age.

Under 18 = Military School

Over 18 = Get out

Keeping a home is a responsibility to everyone living in it. If a person doesn’t do this then they need to live somewhere else and take care of their own trash. Yeah, I’d be the parent that dumped the trash can on the bed to make a point and enjoy it lol.

Where does it say that people don’t have to work that have Aspergers or Autism? I worked starting at 15, got fired a lot but got back up and went and got another job. Life is hard then you die, that is how it was put to me and I haven’t proved it wrong yet. Using that as an excuse (not Reason) for not taking out the trash is just that, an excuse.
 
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