Incredible.Pie
Well-Known Member
So yeah. Title says it all. It's one thing I sort of hate, honestly, when I'm with someone and they introduce me to someone else as their friend. I feel like saying to the new person "we're not really friends", but I know that'd be impolite. I've never really considered anyone to be my friend. I've had a girlfriend, but I never really- I don't know... I never really felt close to her I guess? Not in a friendship way, at least. It all seemed sorta shallow.
Honestly, it's really a one-way deal when someone considers me to be their friend. I guess I don't really understand it. I have no reserves about not talking to someone for months at a time and randomly blowing them off when I say that I plan on doing something with them. I've even simply stopped talking to certain people altogether. Not because I didn't find them nice to be around, I did. I just stopped. I guess it was just too tiring or something. But I don't 'feel' that it's too tiring. I don't know... it's like when I stop listening to a song. It doesn't affect me. I just stop.
That's not to say I don't get lonely; I certainly do. I wish that I had someone I considered a friend (my girlfriend came closest to that, and when she left me it was like I was missing a part of me). I'd really like to have a real friend, or someone I could really love, but me wanting that is probably at the same level as a five-year-old wanting to be an astronaut: they think it'd be great, but they have absolutely no idea how to achieve it or what to expect.
The same thing goes with love, or just about any type of relationship one person could have with another. I feel like I'm missing out, but I don't have any visible emotional reaction to knowing that. My throat starts to hurt when I think about it, but- I don't know. I don't really know how to explain it.
Honestly, it's really a one-way deal when someone considers me to be their friend. I guess I don't really understand it. I have no reserves about not talking to someone for months at a time and randomly blowing them off when I say that I plan on doing something with them. I've even simply stopped talking to certain people altogether. Not because I didn't find them nice to be around, I did. I just stopped. I guess it was just too tiring or something. But I don't 'feel' that it's too tiring. I don't know... it's like when I stop listening to a song. It doesn't affect me. I just stop.
That's not to say I don't get lonely; I certainly do. I wish that I had someone I considered a friend (my girlfriend came closest to that, and when she left me it was like I was missing a part of me). I'd really like to have a real friend, or someone I could really love, but me wanting that is probably at the same level as a five-year-old wanting to be an astronaut: they think it'd be great, but they have absolutely no idea how to achieve it or what to expect.
The same thing goes with love, or just about any type of relationship one person could have with another. I feel like I'm missing out, but I don't have any visible emotional reaction to knowing that. My throat starts to hurt when I think about it, but- I don't know. I don't really know how to explain it.
