I have no friends. No, I can't make new ones. I tried and it's making me mentally insane.

[Tony Ramirez]

I really don't. I never hang out with them. If I call them 90% of the time, I get their voice mail. If I text them 90% of the time, it takes day's or weeks before they get back.

The only calls and texts I get back are from my parents. Every new friend I make is the same. I check their social, and they are always doing things without me. They even admit in their texts saying we are at such and such place and can't get back.

I tried the entire love yourself, take yourself out, and it's driving me mental. I had another mental breakdown when my meetup group left without me, but this time at the park the cops and guards got involved, and the guard is watching me now. I am now on higher meds, going insane.

 

[Dagan]

Are you allowed a pet or rather even a service animal? So many studies exist proving that animals can calm us - heart and anxiety rates can be controlled quite well. That's the foundation of service animals becoming trusted, medical, recognized procedure. The science and data hold true.

It's not a person, I know, but it's a major step towards companionship "building" if that makes sense, and that's actually a common reason several people get service animals.

 

[Judge]

I haven't had what I'd call a real "friend" in 17 years. I can't bring myself to"love myself" either.

So what ? However I do one thing you have yet to understand. -A fundamental need to keep busy.

To keep going, but hopefully based on hobbies and pastimes you might actually enjoy while pursuing them all by yourself. Where there is zero pressure to meet anyone's approval or not other than your own.

Face it. It isn't just a lack of companionship that is driving you crazy. It's that you have "too much time on your hands" without doing anything that could make you even just a little content at times. More so than what you have now.

While many of us may lead unhappy lives emotionally, we still have to work to survive, which takes up most of our life, let alone our time. Something you have apparently avoided through circumstances not necessarily within your control. That truly having too much time on your hands for some people can amount to the desperation and sorrow of being an imprisoned convict. Leading to bad mental health.

You need to move on to occupying your time with doing something pleasant rather than endlessly complaining that only makes you even more miserable. To accept that your options of socialization are extremely limited, if even that. To compensate by not only moving on, but to find something (anything) to do that also fills your time like a job.

In which case it might actually begin to limit all that anger and sorrow you cannot seem to let go of.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Damn hobbies got me into this hot mess.
First interest in Christianity.
Then walking.
Then yoga.
Then the gym.
Then yoga.
Then back to walking.
Then board games.
Then anime.
Then drawing.

 

[Judge]

Damn hobbies got me into this hot mess.
First interest in Christianity.
Then walking.
Then yoga.
Then the gym.
Then yoga.
Then back to walking.
Then board games.
Then anime.
Then drawing.

Duh. Face it.

Most of those all have the same common denominator- socializing with others. Find and stick to something completely by yourself, without any struggle or aggravation that socialization causes you. Be creative if possible...but only for yourself- not for any others.

Most of those kind of activities you structured as means to socialize. It's socialization you need to take a long vacation from, until the lack of it no longer upsets you.

You've made the whole issue of companionship a single objective in your life, which is continually making you miserable. Time to change that dynamic into one that can actually work for you.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

I think either a complete lack of friends or at least a very limited number is extremely common amongst many here on the forum. I haven't even been around peers since class ended a few months back other than to walk past someone in a grocery store or such and if you recall no one would sit with me or eat the cookies I brought at the graduation party. I think those of us who are naturally introverted and don't really want or need much socializing are probably fortunate to have this trait in some ways, but I find other things to do to have some joys in life despite the loneliness. I wish you could find some hobbies you enjoy that could give you a positive outlet and provide you with something you can enjoy doing even by yourself. I remember you mentioning a cat before. Have you tried getting some cat toys and spending more time with your cat? My friend during my teen years was a cat.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Going outside kills me, seeing couples and friend groups. Feeling excluded.

Staying home with my cats, I get claustrophobic, and I have to deal with my parents. Even though I got all the entertainment I need laptop tablet big screen TV all streaming services except Apple TV+.

So I am stuck.

 

[Judge]

Going outside kills me, seeing couples and friend groups.

Staying home with my cats, I get claustrophobic, and I have to deal with my parents.

So I am stuck.

Lots of pastimes you can accomplish while at home- behind a closed door. They need not be outdoor pursuits at all.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Lots of pastimes you can accomplish while at home- behind a closed door. They need not be outdoor pursuits at all.

There are no closed doors, literally. Except the bathroom, but it won't lock.

My room is covered by a plastic cover. The middle door was foldings the cats broke.

If I lock upstairs, my mother gets angry because she needs access to the refrigerator and stove all the time.

 

[Mary Terry]

Damn hobbies got me into this hot mess.
First interest in Christianity.
Then walking.
Then yoga.
Then the gym.
Then yoga.
Then back to walking.
Then board games.
Then anime.
Then drawing.

None of those things got you into a "hot mess". Your mental issues and obsession with young women are the cause of your problems. If you did any of those things for a reason other than hitting on young women, then you might have thrived.

 

[Judge]

There are no closed doors, literally. Except the bathroom, but it won't lock.

My room is covered by a plastic cover. The middle door was foldings the cats broke.

If I lock upstairs, my mother gets angry because she needs access to the refrigerator and stove all the time.

So fight it....find something to do in your own space. But totally unrelated to socialization, even with your own family. Be decisive instead of constantly looking for excuses that result in inaction.

 

[Misery]

None of those things got you into a "hot mess". Your mental issues and obsession with young women are the cause of your problems. If you did any of those things for a reason other than hitting on young women, then you might have thrived.

Yeah, I'll second this.

Tony, the purpose of the hobbies was never meant to be a magical fix to get you a girlfriend / friend. Whenever these were suggested to you, that was NOT the point. You *can* meet people through them, but that's not the purpose of a hobby.

The purpose is to have things that are mentally healthy to do, that you do BECAUSE YOU ENJOY THEM. Not because you think they'll get you a girlfriend (they wont). They were suggested to you for that reason. They're meant to help you get out of the tar pit that you keep enthusiastically launching yourself into.

You cannot fix your situation by avoiding your problems, or by blaming your problems on things outside of yourself. No matter how many times you try it, it will *never* work. Because that's not how challenges are beaten.

You need help, Tony. Serious professional help, and it's clear your therapist aint up to the task. All of the suggestions of where to get help that everyone mentioned in that other topic still stand.

 

[Matthias]

I really don't. I never hang out with them. If I call them 90% of the time, I get their voice mail. If I text them 90% of the time, it takes day's or weeks before they get back.

The only calls and texts I get back are from my parents. Every new friend I make is the same. I check their social, and they are always doing things without me. They even admit in their texts saying we are at such and such place and can't get back.

This is a clear sign that these "friends" (probably more accurately described as acquaintances) are out of your league. The fact that they respond and talk to you at all indicates that they like you, which is good enough to be an acquaintance. However, they're likely too far out of your league for friendship status. I recommend finding your tribe, which consists of people you tend to attract. Based on your previous posts, this is likely older men and women or people with severe mental problems.

I tried the entire love yourself, take yourself out, and it's driving me mental. I had another mental breakdown when my meetup group left without me, but this time at the park the cops and guards got involved, and the guard is watching me now. I am now on higher meds, going insane.

You have to go to the right places to find people who are in your league. You're not likely to find friends at typical social gatherings as those people will tend to be too far out of your league (more mature, mentally well, wealthier, successful). Have you tried searching for friends at nursing homes, soup kitchens, or meetup groups for the mentally ill yet? You're much more likely to find friends there.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

So I am only good for mentally ill old people yes sometimes they crash the events they curse use the f word, smoke, are skitzo, low functional and make me unconformable.

 

[thejuice]

They got up and left you at the park? Wow, that's got to hurt.

Ill always reply to your messages

 

[Tired]

sometimes they crash the events they curse use the f word, smoke, are skitzo, low functional and make me unconformable.

Well, you spit at couples, throw trashcans, yell, curse and walk into traffic.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

They got up and left you at the park? Wow, that's got to hurt.

Ill always reply to your messages

Thanks. You're my only friend here. It hurts like hell. Why the hell can't I make friends.l IRL. I try to be nice, and I am treated like yesterday garbage.

Well, you spit at couples, throw trashcans, yell, curse and walk into traffic.

No, they ostracized me.

 

[Masked Man]

No, they ostracized me.

No... you make people feel uncomfortable. Your behavior is unstable. People see you lashing out and they remember that. So they stay away from you.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

No... you make people feel uncomfortable. Your behavior is unstable. People see you lashing out and they remember that. So they stay away from you.

No I'm tired of the negative gaslighting crap told by the same people blaming me. I try to be nice but they ditch me all the time I am left out of groups. Don't blame my attitude if you had nothing to say why do you keep coming in here and blaming me and saying putting me down stop posting in here if you have nothing nice to say you making me worse I want to commit suicide I'm going to take my whole bottle of pills now stop it.

 

[Masked Man]

... mentally ill old people... crash the events they curse use the f word, smoke, are skitzo, low functional and make me unconformable.

It's interesting that you see other people like this and are critical of them ... and this is exactly what you do. (with maybe the exception of smoke)

I'm somewhat surprised that you're not able to see your own behavior from an outsider's perspective... and it's almost identical to what you've just described.