I have to parent myself.

[Metalhead]

I have to take my own boundaries seriously, even when nobody in my family wants to pay them any mind.

My disrespect for my boundaries is causing me a lot of problems, including procrastinating on the job, excessive marijuana smoking, not hitting the gym as often as I should, not working on my healthy hobbies, drinking too many empty soda calories, spending too much money on games and movies, not getting that bike I should have had by now, still blaming my family for not taking care of myself with is BS.

I am an adult, time for me to act like one. Nobody in my family wants me to be an adult, but that is on them and I cannot internalize that anymore. I know what I need to do to be successful in my life. I know my personal boundaries that I want to uphold are extremely valuable. Now it is time for me to be my own parent.

 

[AprilR]

Parenting yourself is important. You have to both indulge and discipline yourself but even while disciplining positive self talk works better for me.

 

[tree]

I find it helpful sometimes to consider myself as a dog.

I easily see that I need to be kind to the dog, let it out for walks,
treat it well, give it foods that make the dog healthy and strong etc.

Since I wouldn't be cruel to another animal, it gives me perspective
regarding how I treat myself.

 

[Shaddock]

Parenting yourself is important. You have to both indulge and discipline yourself but even while disciplining positive self talk works better for me.

I can critize myself, but i do it in a way, which is not emotional and not judging. always factual and so that i don´t speak bad or mean to me.

when others treat me bad, i prompt them very clearly to stop it or to become factual, otherwise i draw consequences like breaking up or similar. never allow others or yourself to treat you bad. to be respected, to prompt respect, and to respect yourself is very important.

there is no inner voice in me, i silenced it long time ago lol. there is only "me" and i feel as a unit, without any broken bits. i do exactly what i want or try to do it.

i listen to others and think about their opinions, but in the end i do what i think is the best for me.

it´s relatively easy for me to recognize what i feel and why i feel something.

the first sentence would be an advice, i would do it like that. critizing and talking to yourself, but without judging or being mean to yourself. self-punishing makes no sense.

i always explain to myself why i did mistakes and what i can do better. i´m never mean to myself or very rarely.

 

[Metalhead]

I have to accept that I must put myself first. If I can't take care of myself, how can I take care of others? The days of me sacrificing my own well being for the convenience of others are over.

 

[Aspychata]

It's okay. You can have a set back, just don't let your hiccups define who you are. You left the family mafia. YOU don't need to beat yourself up. Those days are over. YOU are only accountable to you.

 

[Thinx]

I agree, but you have had a tough time so parenting yourself is not totally familiar or comfortable maybe? Being kind and caring and straightforward and loving to yourself, and a variety of other positive qualities is at the heart of this. Like, you have a great sense of humour. That can be a fun aspect of a parent. We are all uneven.

Parents who do a great job are still uneven, and have bad days where they don't help their kids as much as they wish they could, that's just how life is. One great therapist I've read says, all he hopes is that in the therapy he may dissapoint clients less than their previous experience has done.

That's kind of like realistic parenting, I think! Be as good to yourself as you can, you seem to have a great intellect and a sense of humour, and to be able to take actions that are helpful for your health and wellbeing. Lucky you, having you for a parent!

 

[Aspychata]

I agree, but you have had a tough time so parenting yourself is not totally familiar or comfortable maybe? Being kind and caring and straightforward and loving to yourself, and a variety of other positive qualities is at the heart of this. Like, you have a great sense of humour. That can be a fun aspect of a parent. We are all uneven.

Parents who do a great job are still uneven, and have bad days where they don't help their kids as much as they wish they could, that's just how life is. One great therapist I've read says, all he hopes is that in the therapy he may dissapoint clients less than their previous experience has done.

That's kind of like realistic parenting, I think! Be as good to yourself as you can, you seem to have a great intellect and a sense of humour, and to be able to take actions that are helpful for your health and wellbeing. Lucky you, having you for a parent!

Yes, we defintely have our online life and we have our day life and they can be quite extremes. But being ND helps us compartmentalize these extremes. Thank you @Thinx for being such a important contributing member.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Remember to be kind to yourself and nurture yourself during the process, but there's no better gateway to self-respect and personal freedom than through self-discipline and just setting a few ground rules for yourself. Remember that a little bit goes a long way, too. Don't burn yourself out!

Sounds like you've got a great gameplan in the works. I believe in you!

 

[Suzanne]

Bravo you for facing your reality!

Even as a child, in a very toxic family, I ended up parenting myself. I was washing my own clothes at 7 and my first paid job, I purchased food and a plate, bowl; spoon, knife and fork and kept them in a very high cupboard, so that no one could reach them and would use a step stool to reach them. Oh, I was called selfish etc for doing this, but I was proud of that achievement.

 

[Fino]

You have a considerable amount of mental fortitude.