I just don't get along

[berden]

I have self-diagnosed as someone with at least slight autism, have pretty much known something was different about me around the age of eleven. Now I am in my upper 50s and probably don't have much in common with many members on this board. I find it hard getting along because I can never find anyone who connects with me on a generational, cultural, or ethnic level. I can't describe my experience as being anything other than a perpetual outsider no matter where I am and that my lack in being relatable to others causes everyone I communicate with to become frustrated and eventually derogatory toward me in some way. I just don't get along with anyone, do not have any drug habits, do not feel good when I am around people. The situation that we are in currently has actually been welcomed by me. I don't want to go out. Never have, but I that probably has nothing to do with my suspicions of being on the Autism spectrum.

I have come here to hopefully find information that can be useful to me. My adult son was diagnosed with Asperger's and is fairly high-functioning. He has worked steadily since his teens and lives on his own without any sort of public assistance. He has a lot of difficultly with personal relationships but is at least able to keep up with the routine and think things through - things I have never been able to do throughout my entire life although I have managed having a family and getting a college degree.

My next reason for coming here find counseling and a way to get tested for autism so late in life, and several people have suggested that I am probably on the spectrum. Right now, I live alone and prefer it that way, especially since I cannot get along with other people. In my spare time (which I have quite a lot of), I write books (that don't sell) and sketch people (doesn't sell either) - things I have done since I was elementary school. I think if someone were to ask anyone that knows what they think of me, they would describe me as "childlike" or "silly." I cannot be an adult, act like an adult, and I don't understand what being an adult is supposed to be.

 

[Nitro]

Hi berden

 

[tree]

 

[menander]

Welcome. Yes, many neuropsychologists test older adults. It takes about 6-10 hours of testing, so make sure you get one that really knows what to look for. Some people on here have had testing that took several days. Did you have early markers? The DSM does require early markers.........

 

[berden]

Welcome. Yes, many neuropsychologists test older adults. It takes about 6-10 hours of testing, so make sure you get one that really knows what to look for. Some people on here have had testing that took several days. Did you have early markers? The DSM does require early markers.........

I don't know what early markers are.

I have always been unable to communicate effectively and relate to people in person. I become bored easily when I'm around other people. As a child I was taunted for my looks - being shorter than the other kids, stockier, flat-faced, low oddly-shaped ears and droopy eyes. People seem to think I am tired. I can remember walking on my toes some and early as kindergarten, my teachers complained to my mother about my daydreaming all the time. I have never been able to grasp the simplest math and have never connected with others beyond basic needs. I've been hospitalized for depression and other mental illnesses many times in my life but I just don't think that's all going on with me. I really believe it is more of an Autism spectrum or something related to cognitive ability.

 

[AngelaS267]

I'm sorry if this doesn't help, but.. You're exactly like me. I am convinced people don't like me because I'm so dang awkward. I am 24 and would always say to myself that I dont feel like a women... or an adult. I feel like a child. People treat me like one too. I don't like going out much either which sucks but it is what it is. I also draw too, it's the way I express myself. I'm afraid to even try to sell it. BUT I am currently working on getting diagnosed myself. I am trying to get a referral but I keep getting stuck there because doctors want to gloss over the autism and talk about my depression or anxiety. Like it's really hard to get people to even look into autism if you speak fine. But the first step would be to talk to a psychologist and bring some articles to back yourself up. That's what I'm currently doing.

 

[menander]

THis may help: It is the DSM criteria for a diagnosis. The A requirements are shared by many disorders. The B shared by some. The C is shared by even fewer but that is very important.

It means than when you were young, you were delayed in some areas. It may not be obvious till a demand hits it. So for instance, you may have had toilet delays but never knew till you went to school and then could not figure out how to do it at school for some reason or other. It may not even be known to you WHY you cannot pee at school....it's a delay but you never knew till the demand to pee on a schedule interfered with how you did it at home.

It could by anything. You may have had a talking delay and never knew it because your parents never made you talk and felt you would in time. Then, in school, you REALLY can't figure it out and it becomes obvious under pressure.

Or you may head bang and think all little kids head bang or sway or not be able to eat. Maybe you needed supplements of tube feeding or maybe only could eat applesauce. Maybe your parents thought you would outgrow it or maybe they tried to get you tested. The point is once the demand to do XYZ is more than you can handle, it becomes apparent.

These things MUST be during early developmental period. That is where a lot of people get confused.

However, if you talk to your parents, they may say, "You refused to go to the bathroom!" or "You had to be in a pitch black room because light made you scream with pain (sensory) or you could eat nothing but peas for years. .........

Others here may be able to clarify more because each person is different so hope they will help you get a clearer picture.

Autism Diagnosis Criteria: DSM-5 | Autism Speaks

 

[unperson]

Hiya, you're in the right place.

 

[Misery]

You might find that you have something in common with more people here than you think. We tend to be very diverse overall.

For instance you said:

I think if someone were to ask anyone that knows what they think of me, they would describe me as "childlike" or "silly." I cannot be an adult, act like an adult, and I don't understand what being an adult is supposed to be.

Right there, we already have something in common. I'm 38. I'm very childish/childlike, and I know it, and so does everyone around me. Even new people I meet seem to pick up on that instantly. Like that time recently when some guy showed up at the house for... some reason, and I open the door, and the very first thing he says is "Hi there! Are your parents home?" He didnt even consider for a second that I might be one of the "adults" of the house (to be fair, I'm not). And no, he hadnt met anyone else in the house before either. So it really was just an instant assumption. People react to me like that alot. My mannerisms, behaviors, habits, interests, and even my appearance isnt quite right for an adult. Heck, if you were to see my room, EVERYTHING about it makes it look like a child's room. Junk/toys/games everywhere, figures/dolls/whatever on my dresser, and so on.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Frankly adults are boring. Well, to me anyway.

And I think you'll find there's plenty more like me here on the forums. Like I said... quite a diverse bunch and likely you'll find quite a few things you have in common with people here.

You'll also be able to find people who have plenty in common with your son as well, and who can understand some of the things he might be going through or struggling with.

If you want to, you can probably make some friends here. And as a rule we're always happy to help out, and answer any questions you might have. Feel free to make a post about whatever! Usually doesnt take long to get an answer here.

Welcome, and I hope you enjoy your stay.

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome, I hope that you enjoy it here. Seeming childlike is pretty common with autism I think, I think we often retain a simplicity associated with a younger age group, as adults. I notice it in myself, but I don't see it as a problem. Your interests sound great, very creative.

 

[Aspychata]

Think you will like here. You might even feel at home here. You may talk privately to some of us. Welcome. Relax a bit, pull up a chair. Free parking!!

 

[SusanLR]

I wasn't diagnosed until in my fifties.
A social worker I was seeing for grief counciling noticed symptoms and started asking questions.
I'd never heard of Aspergers. But, she thought I should see a psychologist who specialised in ASD.
I did and was diagnosed.

Reading your post I saw a lot of how my life has been. I never grew up either.
Never fit in or even really cared.
Like @Misery my room if you saw it you would think belonged to a teenager.
A bed with cat head pillows and a purple unicorn. Beanie babies lined up and a rock collection.
My actions and the way I dress really hasn't changed since my teens.

Never married or had children. I have had a pretty good professional life until I had to go
onto disability.

So I think you'll find a lot in common with people of all ages here.
Welcome!

 

[Sarah S]

Hello there and warm wellcome to the forums

Like others have said alredy i agree 101 % and would like to add this . I see youre even from earlier then when i was born and even then the medical faculty dident know diddly about this kind of NP diagnosis ( if you look at my Signature you see i was first diagnosed with MBD and in that (there was 100 Co morbid diagnosis they pretty much managed to lump in most of the then my other now given diagnosis and co morbid diagnosis (incl ASD 3 as well as ID)

SO what im trying to say is its not at all impossible you do have ASD in some Level nor is it not impossible that you have other Co morbid diagnosis to this as well . so you defenetly should try to get this evaluated

As for never fitting in ? same here still dont never will,

Being bullied or viewed and treated as an idiot ? Have been since i was in pre kindergarten

Being childich and act feel less of my reel age ? Again thats me it seems like my Interlecuall & executive function stopped developing when i was around 8 and im openly more like a little girl in who i am inside ( Born a Little girl & PROUD of it ) BUT i have learnt how to also be an adult when thats needed thank god

And my bedroom you would think its a 8-9 year old girl same with pretty mush as much i can in the rest of the apartment i dont hide any of my diagnosis nor who i am

Being a lone wolf ? Oh yes had to learn and develop this way from early childhood

And still both Virgin as well as never had a relationship & will most probaly leave the same

 

[berden]

You might find that you have something in common with more people here than you think. We tend to be very diverse overall.

For instance you said:



Right there, we already have something in common. I'm 38. I'm very childish/childlike, and I know it, and so does everyone around me. Even new people I meet seem to pick up on that instantly. Like that time recently when some guy showed up at the house for... some reason, and I open the door, and the very first thing he says is "Hi there! Are your parents home?" He didnt even consider for a second that I might be one of the "adults" of the house (to be fair, I'm not). And no, he hadnt met anyone else in the house before either. So it really was just an instant assumption. People react to me like that alot. My mannerisms, behaviors, habits, interests, and even my appearance isnt quite right for an adult. Heck, if you were to see my room, EVERYTHING about it makes it look like a child's room. Junk/toys/games everywhere, figures/dolls/whatever on my dresser, and so on.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Frankly adults are boring. Well, to me anyway.

And I think you'll find there's plenty more like me here on the forums. Like I said... quite a diverse bunch and likely you'll find quite a few things you have in common with people here.

You'll also be able to find people who have plenty in common with your son as well, and who can understand some of the things he might be going through or struggling with.

If you want to, you can probably make some friends here. And as a rule we're always happy to help out, and answer any questions you might have. Feel free to make a post about whatever! Usually doesnt take long to get an answer here.

Welcome, and I hope you enjoy your stay.

Thanks for the welcome.

I had a similar experience with being thought of as looking as 'childlike' as I am. A long time ago when visiting my kid's high school, I was in the hallway just coming out of the office when a girl passing by asked "How long have you been going here?" I was in my 40s at the time!

Ah, my son. It's a rough relationship between us, and we have just had another one of our frequent falling-outs, so we aren't on speaking terms as of this moment.

 

[berden]

Thanks for all the informational replies, everyone. Glad to have discovered the site - I guess the current situation is a hidden blessing after all since being alone and without anyone to really talk to led me here. I moved to a new place in February and the lockdown came in March which meant I haven't really had time to meet anyone much around here, and I haven't yet been able to find any sort of therapist - first, because I can't really afford it, second because I have moved twice in less than two years and it has been exhausting, especially with everything else that has gone on in my life for the past 30-some years and more.

 

[Thinx]

Hi @berden, it sounds tough what you've been through, and the recent moves. I don't feel I need a diagnosis, having self diagnosed in my 50s, but each person has different needs and views on this. There's online tests you can do, there's links to those on some threads here.

Also you may know that recently it's been understood that many women and girls have gone under the radar due to high autistic traits and Aspergers appearing differently in them, we mask our confusion and mimic others, and our strong interests present differently. Our avoidant behaviours such as lack of eye contact are seen as shyness. We internalise our distress and don't act out, so are not spotted in school.

At your age you wouldn't have been spotted anyway, like me and many others in earlier generations. There's some threads and resources on here about this, and you can find books about and by women with Autism on the Jessica Kingsley publishers catalogue. I hope your writing is going well. Why doesn't it sell?