I just realised something about past (and present) me and music

[kenaij]

So something just hit me. About 16 years ago I bought my first guitar. Very quickly I could play some basic stuff like '7 nation army', 'smoke on the water', 'stand by me' etc.
In the years following I bought 2 more guitars and 2 bass guitars. But beyond those basic lines I never seemed to like investing time in learning more. I learned a handful of basic chords but that was it.
I always blamed it on lack of talent or not really wanting it enough. So eventually I quit playing.
Until today.

It had been a horrible day at work. And I had basically passed my limits. Other people hardly notice but I feel it in my body. With IQ tests I always score pretty high 125-140 (depending on the amount of language related questions). So I kind of always explain it to people as outsmarting my autistic brain. Or explain it as virtual ram. I only have 6gb but I can add 4gb of virtual ram so other people don`t notice stims. Eventually they do need to come out thou.
But the funniest thing happened today. I`m a janitor at a school and there were special events in school. I was in a pretty bad place when I was closing the windows in all the classrooms when I came across an old guitar that still had 3 proper strings.
Eventhou it was years ago I started playing the 7 nation army line for 15 minutes. The same sequence of 7, 8 and 2 notes. And as the minutes past I became calmer and calmer.
Then I realised something. What if it was never lack of talent or not being interested enough. What if those basic repeating lines were so calming and soothing to me that that is the reason why I sticked to it.
I have only realised I might be autistic in resent years and before that I always was just weird or out of the ordinary like many people who realise they might be autistic in their 30's

Does anyone find this story familiar? Or am I trying to find something that is not there?
I think I have one of the old guitars somewhere still. So I think I will test it out next time I am really stressed.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

try a lyre. those are lovely to play. i also like making up little rhythmic songs.

 

[Human Avatar]

Music is my Favorite Ultimate Stim , when I am very stressed I pace around my house with my guitar strapped on , releasing all the pent up emotions. Even when I am making dinner guitar is usually strapped on. .

Being that it makes you feel good , keep doing it ! I do

 

[kenaij]

try a lyre. those are lovely to play. i also like making up little rhythmic songs.

If I come across one I will definetly try it. I`m very curious. I know the sound in media but never heard it live.

 

[Rodafina]

@kenaij
I think you just summed up my experience with the guitar very well for me.

Up until about five years ago, I would play my guitar frequently. I never really knew any songs, but I taught myself a few little ditties that I just made up and kept playing again and again, over the years.

They got to sound pretty good, but I have a feeling people got tired of them because it was the same three or four short little songs that I would just play over and over again. I never tired of them. But I never really progressed and I never had the motivation to do so.

But your post made me realize that I think it was a stim. That was perfectly enough and exactly what I needed. Just playing my own little songs as many times as I wanted.

 

[kenaij]

@kenaij
I think you just summed up my experience with the guitar very well for me.

Up until about five years ago, I would play my guitar frequently. I never really knew any songs, but I taught myself a few little ditties that I just made up and kept playing again and again, over the years.

They got to sound pretty good, but I have a feeling people got tired of them because it was the same three or four short little songs that I would just play over and over again. I never tired of them. But I never really progressed and I never had the motivation to do so.

But your post made me realize that I think it was a stim. That was perfectly enough and exactly what I needed. Just playing my own little songs as many times as I wanted.

Nice to hear someone has/had the same experience. Part of why I stopped was also because of both my parents and my wife commenting on me just playing the same thing over and over and they found it annoying. When I still played our house was not big enough for me to get in a room and play away from my wife because the bedrooms of my kids was next to our room. But I am thinking about picking it up again now that we are living in a bigger house where no other person has to hear me play.
Turns out I only have a bass guitar and I got rid of the rest years ago. So I can play it with headphones on or without any amp. With the bass, the vibrations of the strings also give the same effect I think.