I just thought it would get easier.

[pax]

I just thought it would get easier.

But it doesn't.

It doesn't matter how hard I try, or how good a job I do, or how nice I am.
I get treated like a twit, I get bullied , they are happy enough to have me employed when I bust my gut for them, but they expect me to bust a gut regularly. But I'm not included. I'm not even treated as human, I don't think.

I deal with disorganised incompetant people, and try to keep things running smoothly and safely. On a good day I get ignored, on a bad day I get passive agressive ******** or get told where to go.
Just yesterday I say - that will not work. This is why. You need to do it this way. Litarally 10seconds later - " I don't think it will work that way. Maybe we need to do it differently." Me - I.JUST. SAID. THAT.

I'm an intelligent person. But I keep winding up in situations personal and professional where I'm abused and treated as less than, and I don't see it ever changing.

Yep I'm having a winge, but gee, people are adults. Why am I still dealing with Heathers/ mean girls?

 

[Suzanne]

I know the feeling Pax.

Thankfully, I don't have to suffer as in work colleagues, but do have a husband who treats me like someone who needs teaching. There have been times when he is struggling with something and I suggest another way and he ignores me and then tries my suggestion and sometimes, will say: I guess I should have listened to you, in the first place.

Unfortunately they treat you badly because they are not humble enough to think of you as equal. But it does go two ways because we can modulate our own voices. If we come across as a know all, it grates on people's nerves. My husband often accuses me as being a know all. But that is because, I am learning that I am an active participant in our marriage and that does not fit well with him.

I guess we are all stupid and intelligent, to many degrees. But it is true, that we aspies have it hard going, because the world is dominated by NT's who consider their word counts.

I feel like ranting too, so go ahead and rant all you like. Isn't this forum for us to have our say, without being interrupted by "normal " people?

 

[NTgirl4276]

I'm so sorry, Pax. as Suzanne says, rant away! especially in this community, where you are valued and supported and certainly never excluded

I think the workplace is one of the most difficult social nightmares that adults have to navigate. it's such a forced situation, in which a bunch of people who would otherwise never be friends have to come together, and also accomplish tasks together. The different personalities, communication styles, cultural backgrounds, etc. can be a real disaster. And even the theoretically shared common interest (the work) often doesn't help, since so many jobs are just that--jobs, not careers of passion.

this is, of course, not to diminish the experience you're describing here. you're clearly getting treated horribly, beyond the typical level of workplace discomfort. and for that, I feel for you.

we aspies have it hard going, because the world is dominated by NT's who consider their word counts.

I feel like ranting too, so go ahead and rant all you like. Isn't this forum for us to have our say, without being interrupted by "normal " people?

I was wondering, Suzanne, if I should interpret this as: NTs should not assume that their input is wanted or necessary on these forums, unless it is explicitly invited/solicited. Is that the meaning you intended? I ask this question genuinely, without any criticism (and others are welcome to weigh in on this question as well!). And feel free to PM me your response; I don't want to hijack Pax's thread.

I would not be at all offended if this were the case; in fact, I would certainly understand. In many ways, I am a guest on these threads, and I just want to be sure I'm treating this community and this forum with the respect it inherently deserves.

 

[ChristianHex]

Ugh, I know how you feel! I'm senior to everyone on my team by 3+ years and I've seen people get promoted ahead of me several times. I'm extremely good at my job, otherwise i wouldn't still have it, it's a hard position to deal with and requires multitasking and attention to detail. I'm the team's knowledge base. To prove my point I was invited to a wedding of a ex-co-worker who is a friend of a friend, before he left he was promoted ahead of me. I don't remember exactly what I asked him but he said "You were my mentor when I started." Seriously I bend over backwards for my employer and get over looked time and time again, it's soul crushing.

This isn't the first time I've been in a similar situation either, I have had another long term position in the past where because I couldn't play the workplace politics my opinions on how to improve the work process were ignored because I wasn't friends with the powers that be or part of the "clique". (I just don't get the rules, I wish I did) I also was again passed over for promotions despite surviving 3 rounds of layoffs so I know it wasn't the quality of my work.

If I didn't smoke in my current position and run into co-workers that also smoke I'd have zero social interaction at work (except for one person who was my friend before I got the job, we talk about stuff). Even then I'll come over (and I do hear the conversation before I approach) and the conversation will switch from misc. topics to work related issues (Hey I want to talk about more than just work, I think I have interesting things to say!) . Sometimes I wonder if I have "freak" painted on my forehead. It really hurts that I'm excluded for reasons I can't even understand or see. What is it that I do that's so wrong?

My advice? Take solace in the fact that you know that you do a good job and it's your opinion of yourself that really matters.

You are not alone!

 

[Tom]

Ever had to pick out good strawberries out of a bin where many are spoiled? I think people are like that. And since you can't fix bad ones, the only option I see is finding better ones.

 

[JuniperBug]

I know that feeling! At my current job that happens all the time. People don't listen to me but then steal my ideas moments later.

I'm changing jobs and hoping for the best. Don't give up, you clearly have a lot of value and one day you will find an employer who sees that!

 

[Judge]

Sadly some grow up mean-sprited and predatory, and simply stay that way as adults.

 

[wanderer03]

I just thought it would get easier.

But it doesn't.

It doesn't matter how hard I try, or how good a job I do, or how nice I am.
I get treated like a twit, I get bullied , they are happy enough to have me employed when I bust my gut for them, but they expect me to bust a gut regularly. But I'm not included. I'm not even treated as human, I don't think.

I deal with disorganised incompetant people, and try to keep things running smoothly and safely. On a good day I get ignored, on a bad day I get passive agressive ******** or get told where to go.
Just yesterday I say - that will not work. This is why. You need to do it this way. Litarally 10seconds later - " I don't think it will work that way. Maybe we need to do it differently." Me - I.JUST. SAID. THAT.

I'm an intelligent person. But I keep winding up in situations personal and professional where I'm abused and treated as less than, and I don't see it ever changing.

Yep I'm having a winge, but gee, people are adults. Why am I still dealing with Heathers/ mean girls?

You're not alone, my friend. I deal with this constantly and day in and day out. I'm a Security Guard and I'm treated like an incompetent twit. It hurts but it's the best I can do with my current situation. I'm a Guard with a college degree. Oh well, I have to play the cards that I'm dealt at the moment. I hate how the people at the property I work at call me buddy and pal when I might be easily 10 years older than they are.

 

[clg114]

I just thought it would get easier.

But it doesn't.

It doesn't matter how hard I try, or how good a job I do, or how nice I am.
I get treated like a twit, I get bullied , they are happy enough to have me employed when I bust my gut for them, but they expect me to bust a gut regularly. But I'm not included. I'm not even treated as human, I don't think.

I deal with disorganised incompetant people, and try to keep things running smoothly and safely. On a good day I get ignored, on a bad day I get passive agressive ******** or get told where to go.
Just yesterday I say - that will not work. This is why. You need to do it this way. Litarally 10seconds later - " I don't think it will work that way. Maybe we need to do it differently." Me - I.JUST. SAID. THAT.

I'm an intelligent person. But I keep winding up in situations personal and professional where I'm abused and treated as less than, and I don't see it ever changing.

Yep I'm having a winge, but gee, people are adults. Why am I still dealing with Heathers/ mean girls?

I know how you feel. Until my early twenties, I experienced the same thing. Then I got lucky and got a job where I worked by myself. I think this is ideal for a Aspie, I do not have to put up with foolishness of the "other people".

Don't give up on things getting better. For me things have gotten better as I got older. Now I wouldn't want to be any other way than the way I am.

 

[Harrison]

Pax, It does get easier, at least it did for my husband as an aspie. He used to be kind and really sweet to the people he works with, he wanted them to like him. Then he got angry at the way they treated him. Now he's nice only to people who are kind to him, the rest of them (people who used to talk behind his back and make fun of him) are treated with no amount of politeness, he actually never gets angry at them, he's become quite honest and sometimes downright unforgiving. He's now 'no nonsense' and actually treats them as if they were kind of dumb.
Things have changed and they no longer do or say the things they used to. I found an online site that gives some good advice for this kind of thing. It's helped him, and we rehearsed it over and over for awhile, and both of us began to use the information.
Try Someone Else - LIGHT'S HOUSE

Oh forgot to mention, he was smarter than them and eventually became their boss

This was the path I chose, or was given, by pure luck. The end product was the same, I became the boss. Now I'm an employee but the attitude stuck and people still treat me like the boss, even the boss

 

[wanderer03]

I find it easier to be a decent person and give people the benefit of my own doubts. Once it becomes apparent I won't get respect in return, Mia, I behave the same way as your husband: polite, firm, and unforgiving. Of course, an honest apology goes a very long way with me. I think we are way smarter than the NTS

 

[wanderer03]

I find it easier to be a decent person and give people the benefit of my own doubts. Once it becomes apparent I won't get respect in return, Mia, I behave the same way as your husband: polite, firm, and unforgiving. Of course, an honest apology goes a very long way with me. I think we are way smarter than the NTS

Of course, it doesn't help that I'm underemployed and basically paid to be a doormat at the moment but this will change. :-D