I left cuz I felt guilty

[Moonhart44]

I am back to this forum because I did what I had to do and broke up with my bf finally. I am very sad about it even tho I initiated it. It finally ended because he basically didn’t want to stay with me to work on our relationship but travel for several months at a time, regardless of whether I could go, for his career.
I am glad I myself am not being toxic by flip flopping but
Truly I am sad my love for him is so unrequited. But he also was not understanding of my asd and never even took the time to inform himself.

idk. I feel like he was the last try. for the first time I don’t feel optimistic of my future chances

 

[Owliet]

But he also was not understanding of my asd and never even took the time to inform himself.

I don’t have much as to over for advice as I’ve had very little experience here but I’m sorry that he didn’t take the time to understand you or try to learn. He wasn’t worth it, and I hope you’re doing ok. Welcome back.

 

[iamlindsaythatisall]

I am also new here, and I recently went (and currently going) through something VERY similar. It is still hard for me to believe that I’ll find someone I can be that open with, feel a love that strong for. It was the first time I had ever felt that way about anyone, but what we had was toxic.

The grieving process will be tough, I can guarantee that. Use this time to reflect on what you want out of life rather than what could’ve been (if only I could take my own advice…). I’m sure you’ll get through it

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Before I met my spouse the connections or relationship that died stung a bit, however I recognized the incompatibility and it wasn't about me. I learned that such is common, so fine tuned my perception of what I desired in a person, and a critical component was the desire to work on common goals in a relationship. That also meant learning to communicate well (still have problems with that at times) and putting in the work to nurture the relationship.

I wish you the best as you heal from the disappointment. Use it to understand how an accepting person would treat you and understand that the relationship that you offer is valuable.

 

[OkRad]

Think like a plant. It's so odd to me that humans are so thwarted by their own thoughts. If a fungus (which is not a plant, by the way) manages to get into a better environment, it's balls to the walls. No looking back about that awful pool with chlorine in it!

No, that little fungus is off to fuse with something or nothing, finding food and whatever. It's been around way longer than us and we --with all our perverse insistence on killing off the human race will die out while fungus and algae keeps trodding along, right through ultraviolet radiation, nuclear disasters, cosmic events, drought, pestilence, floods, people pouring pesticides on their poor little forms.....

But no. Not humans. We are too busy building enough nuclear instruments, bioweapons, pesticides, waging war, thinking up more and more ways to kill off our species, each little pod thinking, "Yeah, but we will just kill off THAT pod......" yeah right....

A couple thousands years left for us on earth would be a miracle.

So think like fungi. How lucky you are that you got to leave some toxic pool filled with chlorine to choke you out with dogs peeing in it, to boot. Some of your fungus friends died in there! You can now flourish. Tell your mind to take a back seat to all your other cells which have business to attend to.

 

[Aspychata]

Think in my life, it's timing. We are meant to enter a realm of someone new and sometimes exit for whatever reason. Woman think more with our emotions, man think more with their zippers. Lol
Especially NTs.

 

[Moonhart44]

Hi, I`m new here so we haven`t met before but welcome back. And good luck with things. I went through something similar a few years ago. I didn`t want to but sometimes it just doesn`t work.

Yeh sometimes you gotta do what’s right over what you want cuz they don’t always coincide

 

[Moonhart44]

I don’t have much as to over for advice as I’ve had very little experience here but I’m sorry that he didn’t take the time to understand you or try to learn. He wasn’t worth it, and I hope you’re doing ok. Welcome back.

Sometimes I feel bad because my lack of understanding social stuff prevents me from even understanding him sometime and it made him feel bad about himself

 

[Moonhart44]

I am also new here, and I recently went (and currently going) through something VERY similar. It is still hard for me to believe that I’ll find someone I can be that open with, feel a love that strong for. It was the first time I had ever felt that way about anyone, but what we had was toxic.

The grieving process will be tough, I can guarantee that. Use this time to reflect on what you want out of life rather than what could’ve been (if only I could take my own advice…). I’m sure you’ll get through it

Yeh I am also realizing a lot of the problems s I experience also have to do with my extreme insecurities and now I just hope I can get over this and really focus on caring about myself instead of distracting myself with bad decisions

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Think in my life, it's timing. We are meant to enter a realm of someone new and sometimes exit for whatever reason. Woman think more with our emotions, man think more with their zippers. Lol
Especially NTs.

I beg to differ. I see so many guys here that seem to desire a connection and friendship first before it is zipper time. For me it was 4 days of adventure and sharing experiences before I felt confident to ask and it wasn't just about lust. I felt as if we were connected by the red string of fate. The Red String of Fate: A beautiful Japanese legend

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Think like a plant. It's so odd to me that humans are so thwarted by their own thoughts. If a fungus (which is not a plant, by the way) manages to get into a better environment, it's balls to the walls. No looking back about that awful pool with chlorine in it!

No, that little fungus is off to fuse with something or nothing, finding food and whatever. It's been around way longer than us and we --with all our perverse insistence on killing off the human race will die out while fungus and algae keeps trodding along, right through ultraviolet radiation, nuclear disasters, cosmic events, drought, pestilence, floods, people pouring pesticides on their poor little forms.....

But no. Not humans. We are too busy building enough nuclear instruments, bioweapons, pesticides, waging war, thinking up more and more ways to kill off our species, each little pod thinking, "Yeah, but we will just kill off THAT pod......" yeah right....

A couple thousands years left for us on earth would be a miracle.

So think like fungi. How lucky you are that you got to leave some toxic pool filled with chlorine to choke you out with dogs peeing in it, to boot. Some of your fungus friends died in there! You can now flourish. Tell your mind to take a back seat to all your other cells which have business to attend to.

I was, not 5 minutes ago speaking to a parent in the hospital about their 9 yr old son with autism. One of my statements pertained to "out-of-the-box" thinking and how it is a good thing in many ways.

Then I see @OkRad responding with this little gem. Seriously, I totally got what he was saying,...but I was also laughing at the response given the conversation I just had. Take care. Thanks.

 

[Aspychata]

I beg to differ. I see so many guys here that seem to desire a connection and friendship first before it is zipper time. For me it was 4 days of adventure and sharing experiences before I felt confident to ask and it wasn't just about lust. I felt as if we were connected by the red string of fate. The Red String of Fate: A beautiful Japanese legend

I just seem to draw a different crowd perhaps? I am very feminine looking.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I just seem to draw a different crowd perhaps? I am very feminine looking.

Or, could you recognize those guys that find you attractive but still want to get to know you for yourself? I know my social processing difficulties and could not recognize when any woman was showing interest in me. I felt rejected, but how many nice women did I cause to feel rejected when they were signaling interest that I could not see? I feel sad about that.

 

[Moonhart44]

I beg to differ. I see so many guys here that seem to desire a connection and friendship first before it is zipper time. For me it was 4 days of adventure and sharing experiences before I felt confident to ask and it wasn't just about lust. I felt as if we were connected by the red string of fate. The Red String of Fate: A beautiful Japanese legend

I have to second this as some men seem quite shy about having sex because they’re afraid about the girl leaving. Four days btw is not long. But still

Think like a plant. It's so odd to me that humans are so thwarted by their own thoughts. If a fungus (which is not a plant, by the way) manages to get into a better environment, it's balls to the walls. No looking back about that awful pool with chlorine in it!

No, that little fungus is off to fuse with something or nothing, finding food and whatever. It's been around way longer than us and we --with all our perverse insistence on killing off the human race will die out while fungus and algae keeps trodding along, right through ultraviolet radiation, nuclear disasters, cosmic events, drought, pestilence, floods, people pouring pesticides on their poor little forms.....

But no. Not humans. We are too busy building enough nuclear instruments, bioweapons, pesticides, waging war, thinking up more and more ways to kill off our species, each little pod thinking, "Yeah, but we will just kill off THAT pod......" yeah right....

A couple thousands years left for us on earth would be a miracle.

So think like fungi. How lucky you are that you got to leave some toxic pool filled with chlorine to choke you out with dogs peeing in it, to boot. Some of your fungus friends died in there! You can now flourish. Tell your mind to take a back seat to all your other cells which have business to attend to.

i guess i dont understand why you don’t understand why people get thwarted by their own thoughts. The factors straight forward themselves: trauma, anxiety disorders, executive function disorder, etc. It’s a little arrogant of a statement because i and sure you know actually why and 2, it’s dismissive and thusly gives off a patronizing connotation.

The plant analogy doesn’t make sense. I am also not even metaphorically close to anything in the fungus kingdom. I am a human. I am a primate. I am improperly programmed in a world of primates programmed, or for a better term evolved throughout hundreds of thousands of years to be social. Metaphors can only go so far here before it just sounds like poetry and winsome wishing

What does a plant/fungus think like anyways when it has no brain? It doesn’t have to worry about love.

 

[Aspychata]

Or, could you recognize those guys that find you attractive but still want to get to know you for yourself? I know my social processing difficulties and could not recognize when any woman was showing interest in me. I felt rejected, but how many nice women did I cause to feel rejected when they were signaling interest that I could not see? I feel sad about that.

But the problem is l am very visual and l appeal to a lot of men but they don't appeal to me. And there are a lot of older woman who prefer not to date in my state. The older l become, l am also inclined not to date. I am quite happy in my life and never dated much anyways.

 

[Moonhart44]

Think in my life, it's timing. We are meant to enter a realm of someone new and sometimes exit for whatever reason. Woman think more with our emotions, man think more with their zippers. Lol
Especially NTs.

Yeh
Honestly when I was with him i thought about this forum a lot. I thought about how my real problems is me not understanding anything (misinterpreting) and internalizing it.
Now I am more alone than ever. My family is divided, brother is dead (he did not survive his depresssion) i scared away my friends and bf once more.
But of course i am internalizing because of my self hatred. Relationships are never that simple
I say i think about this place when i had troubles with my relationship because of how i knew my whole life i was meant to be alone and this forum and relating to the lonliness or solitude of everyone only was the nail in the coffin.

Now I am trying to accept what I currently find unacceptable
So it feels like, settling or giving up, and ultimately depressing
But i cannot wait until i don’t care anymore.

 

[watersprite]

I hope you do feel better soon.

I left my partner recently. It was and is hard work to find a strong center, which one knows is there somewhere, when emotions come unbidden tossing ine around.

It is a situation where flexing with the ups and downs is required, a sort of more or less just go forward no matter what thing. It is starting to get better in some ways. I don’t expect that what I say will help, but it’s said in that mind-frame.

 

[OkRad]

I have to second this as some men seem quite shy about having sex because they’re afraid about the girl leaving. Four days btw is not long. But still

i guess i dont understand why you don’t understand why people get thwarted by their own thoughts. The factors straight forward themselves: trauma, anxiety disorders, executive function disorder, etc. It’s a little arrogant of a statement because i and sure you know actually why and 2, it’s dismissive and thusly gives off a patronizing connotation.

The plant analogy doesn’t make sense. I am also not even metaphorically close to anything in the fungus kingdom. I am a human. I am a primate. I am improperly programmed in a world of primates programmed, or for a better term evolved throughout hundreds of thousands of years to be social. Metaphors can only go so far here before it just sounds like poetry and winsome wishing

What does a plant/fungus think like anyways when it has no brain? It doesn’t have to worry about love.

My point is we have evolved to be fragile little things to be destroyed. Fungi have evolved for species preservation. I understand the idea of the human brain, emotions, etc.....what baffles me is that we evolved to destroy ourselves or at least not last very long. A doomed species.

Cells don't give a crap about love and trauma, appropriating kerygmai, or restructuring narratives. Show me algae or bacteria that has adapted to withstand massive amounts of radiation, floods, impossible heat, have survived 5 or 6 mass extinctions, survive alone or even decide to band together to be even more sturdy.....ummm. Uncle.

 

[Aspychata]

Yeh
Honestly when I was with him i thought about this forum a lot. I thought about how my real problems is me not understanding anything (misinterpreting) and internalizing it.
Now I am more alone than ever. My family is divided, brother is dead (he did not survive his depresssion) i scared away my friends and bf once more.
But of course i am internalizing because of my self hatred. Relationships are never that simple
I say i think about this place when i had troubles with my relationship because of how i knew my whole life i was meant to be alone and this forum and relating to the lonliness or solitude of everyone only was the nail in the coffin.

Now I am trying to accept what I currently find unacceptable
So it feels like, settling or giving up, and ultimately depressing
But i cannot wait until i don’t care anymore.

What l ask myself is would l do it again? The happy, the sad, the crazy, the love. Usually l would do it again. We grow a little more each time. But l also feel alone, and not lonely. My child has accepted that. My adult has accepted it, now point me to the Häagen-Dazs as l cry over another break-up.