I like a guy at work but I don't know how to proceed

[Kelley Girl]

I have worked in the education field for over 10 years and most of my time has been spent in the Autism field. I like this guy at my school. He is also a teacher but in a different field. I really like him and I think he likes me. I think he may have Autism but I am really not sure. He approached me the first time we ever had interaction. We don't work in the same department but we work on the same duty team. During our first interaction, he walked up and started talking to me about work as if he had known me all along. He was talking to me about work and was standing basically his toes to my toes in front of me. This was not the first time that I noticed him but it was the first time I felt attraction. He had been glancing at me and at times staring at me during duty time. On this particular day, he kept deep eye contact with me during our whole conversation. He looked off to the side once and started blinking but went right back into keeping eye contact with me. They placed me in his room for two days when he was sick. I was looking for paper and ran across several of his lists. He had a list of dating ideas. I told my friend that I liked this guy at work but she tried to talk me out of liking him.

I don't know how to proceed with this guy. Every advice that I read is telling me to be direct with him. I don't know how to be direct with him in a school setting. I get mixed signals from him. One minute he is showing signs that he likes me and the next minute he is acting super busy. Sometimes he is smiling and showing interest and the next minute he just seems preoccupied and busy. Depending on who is in charge, they could not care if we date or they could care. I say this because I dated another teacher before and my supervisor got mad but her supervisor was basically saying it was none of her business. There is one person at work that has caught on that I like him. The librarian was mentioning his name and I smiled. Thing is, I have been offered a new position with my old school district and I am seriously thinking about taking the position. It will be a promotion for me. I know that he misses me when I am gone because I can see it in his interactions when I come back. I am going to miss him if I take this other position. I am really going to want to see him away from school.

 

[Kelley Girl]

It`s a difficult question, I don`t know anything about the guy except that he is very lucky.

You could simply smile and tell him you like him and want to hang out with him. That would work on me. But if that is too direct, maybe do something simple like having a cup of coffee together? I mean, ask him if he wants to go somewhere and get some coffee or a soda or whatever. Just hanging out during a break or after work.

Forest Cat, Thank you for responding. I uploaded my post too soon. I have added more.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

maybe do something simple like having a cup of coffee together? I mean, ask him if he wants to go somewhere and get some coffee or a soda or whatever. Just hanging out during a break or after work.

That is my usual reply to situations like this. @Kelley Girl catalogues all the body language that shows that she is the one for him. He will be flattered when you ask him out (maybe start with "Do you want to ask me out?") If he is shy, he may get quiet, then this is the time to tell him that he seems interesting and you want to get to know him better.

 

[Tom]

Where is the Autism field? I'd like to pick some fresh autisms.



But seriously, Take the other job if its offered. Just my opinion but I think it's better to have some separation in the work environment in case you do become a couple.

 

[Kelley Girl]

If I take this position, I will be leaving the field of Autism. I notice the body language more because I am used to working with students that are nonverbal. This new position fell into my lap. I was not expecting it. The superintendent at my former district emailed me to express interest in hiring me to teach math at the high school. They also need a math teacher in his grade level but I agree that there needs to be space. I appreciate having my space. The guy and his grade team colleague both share the responsibility of teaching math but neither like to teach it. He does not know that I got the offer. I will not be at work tomorrow. I am checking out the high school. I was out the last time with COVID. I was gone for 14 days. When he saw me after 14 days, he looked like he was about to do fist bumps in the air. I could see that he was excited to see me.

I almost feel like I am taking this new position because I want to take that teacher role out of the equation. Kind of hard for us to date if we are worried about getting in trouble. But I am also worried that I will not be direct and leave things left unsaid. Almost like I am running away.

 

[Aspychata]

Is he really interested? Maybe just say can you have his number because you need advice and support for your new position. A damsel in distress deal. This will kinda of give you a clue. I told this person l really liked him. But he told me back off, we aren't living together. It's hard but l am slowly working thru my emotions. Men can give double messages a lot. I like you, something may happen, then a couple years later, you still are just treading water, and haven't moved anywhere in the relationship. Lol

 

[Suzette]

One thing at a time!

Just because you go out once does not mean you have to have everything figured out right now. It's good to think about it. But take a breath. If you have a date you might find that you don't really like him after all or that you have wildly different goals or that he is a neonazi thug...

So start with the basics. Invite him for a cup of coffee or casual lunch and just see how it goes. One thing at a time. It's "Hey John, want to grab a cup of coffee?"

NOT "Hey John, I really want to have a hot, sexy affair with you but I don't know if that's allowed but I might have a new job anyway, and if everything works out we can be married in a few months, what do you say?"

 

[Aspychata]

That`s harsh and rude. "Back off" is just rude and unnecessary. You should have said "nevermind, I didn`t know you were so rude and nasty".

Thanks - l think l told him too many times. I feel he should have said at the starting line, l am a confirmed bachelor and it is what it is. He dangled the relationship carrot saying l may get involved , let's just see where it goes. So l fell for the ruse. I should have know better. But l feel duped. Lol. I still would have seen him if he had been truthful, just not as long. He is a zipper guy. Lol

 

[Aspychata]

Well the zipper guys come disgused as relationship guys. However, l still really like him more then being with a guy in a relationship that l don't really want to be with. I don't need to be in a relationship for relationships sake. I was in a 18+ year plus relationship, so that isn't an issue. But l have learned that many of us here suffer from having the confidence and communication skills to be in one. I am also very visual and l have a very strong preference for visually pleasing. I know my type having met that early in my lifetime. This soul l am talking about is very much my type. Lol

 

[Suzette]

Thanks - l think l told him too many times. I feel he should have said at the starting line, l am a confirmed bachelor and it is what it is. He dangled the relationship carrot saying l may get involved , let's just see where it goes. So l fell for the ruse. I should have know better. But l feel duped. Lol. I still would have seen him if he had been truthful, just not as long. He is a zipper guy. Lol

You were duped! The guy was stringing you along to stroke his ego and he used you.

 

[Aspychata]

You were duped! The guy was stringing you along to stroke his ego and he used you.

But l walked in eyes open. And yes, l would do it again.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Aspychata , I guess I never liked people who would string somebody along. I associate that with all sort of negative memories. Going through CPT has dredged up a lot and when I was lonesome and in pain I was still observant and saw guys who would sell girls hopium and then discard them. For whatever reason I felt bad about myself because I could not act to give them a choice between that and I, who would appreciate them. Ultimately, I like myself for not treating women that way.

 

[Aspychata]

He is on the spectrum. He has no weak spot. He is an extremely mature handsome guy. But l have started being more truthful and telling him what l don't approve off. So this is a great step for me. Growth in relationships is a casino win.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Interesting situation, before I got married, A number of women tried to pick me up, various tacts.
I was not the type of person who went out and just asked women for dates. Some of the women were very up front. really surprised me as this was not the accepted convention. the end I quietly asked a women, tenant in my rooming house for a simple date quickly developed into a relationship and then marriage, years plus now. Keep in mind some of Aspies like convention this can be confusing for us. It never even occurred to me to ask the women that come on to me to ask them for a date I found out from my wife however that and a number of her girlfriends were waiting for me to ask one of them for a date. Never knew until much later they had made a pact whomever won would not step on the others toes. had women approach me in bus shelters on park benches, at work, college. Never was sure why liked to keep to myself.

 

[Magna]

@Aspychata , I guess I never liked people who would string somebody along. I associate that with all sort of negative memories. Going through CPT has dredged up a lot and when I was lonesome and in pain I was still observant and saw guys who would sell girls hopium and then discard them. For whatever reason I felt bad about myself because I could not act to give them a choice between that and I, who would appreciate them. Ultimately, I like myself for not treating women that way.

Ah, the perils and pitfalls of dating and relationships. It goes without saying that there are puh-lenty of toxic people, both male and female that shouldn't be in relationships. Plenty.