Hello everyone!
I am here on behalf of my wonderful, kind, talented boyfriend. We are very much in love and recently moved in together, but do have some problems. He and I have done some research together and are fairly certain he is on the Autism spectrum.
We are an odd couple in many ways. I love to go out and dance and can chat for hours with people I have just met. He is deeply reflective and obsessed with seemingly minor aspects of situations that I tend to overlook. When I drag him to bars or parties, he often becomes extremely anxious and overwhelmed, and will end up chain smoking outside, even if its the middle of January. He tends to "shut down" when he is feeling intense emotions and is not sure how to express them. His voice and expressions tend to go flat and this can make him seem cold or uncaring. However, he is a deeply sensitive and sympathetic man. He grew up in a somewhat unstable, emotionally abusive situation. Shutting up and shuting down is how he has learned to cope with overwhelming, emotional situations. He is artistically gifted and extremely funny, so people tend to like him, considering him quirky and funny. They have no idea that his quirks, like covering his ears and leaving the room when he hears certain noises, are not performed for the amusement of others.
I do not want to change him. But communication is a constant issue. I tend to push him for his thoughts and opinions and he shuts down. I feel irrationally hurt when he flees a situation because he feels anxious and refuses to discuss it. These situations leave us both feeling hurt, neglected, and misunderstood. I sometimes hurt his feelings accidentally by phrasing things in a way that he misunderstands. I need some advice for communication and helping him with his anxieties. He is smart, talented, and hardworking, with a college degree. But I get the feeling he does not do well with job interviews, and he can not find a job in his field. He has not had good luck with therapists and has public health insurance, which does not provide him many resources. Any advice helps!
Edit: It may help to note that I have ADHD. Interestingly, I think part of the reason we get along so well is we share the experience of paying attention to the "wrong things", and our very blunt sense of humor. We both have disorders that alter the way we interact with the world. He closes all of the doors I leave open and lights I leave on. I remind him to say goodbye to people at parties [emoji14]
I am here on behalf of my wonderful, kind, talented boyfriend. We are very much in love and recently moved in together, but do have some problems. He and I have done some research together and are fairly certain he is on the Autism spectrum.
We are an odd couple in many ways. I love to go out and dance and can chat for hours with people I have just met. He is deeply reflective and obsessed with seemingly minor aspects of situations that I tend to overlook. When I drag him to bars or parties, he often becomes extremely anxious and overwhelmed, and will end up chain smoking outside, even if its the middle of January. He tends to "shut down" when he is feeling intense emotions and is not sure how to express them. His voice and expressions tend to go flat and this can make him seem cold or uncaring. However, he is a deeply sensitive and sympathetic man. He grew up in a somewhat unstable, emotionally abusive situation. Shutting up and shuting down is how he has learned to cope with overwhelming, emotional situations. He is artistically gifted and extremely funny, so people tend to like him, considering him quirky and funny. They have no idea that his quirks, like covering his ears and leaving the room when he hears certain noises, are not performed for the amusement of others.
I do not want to change him. But communication is a constant issue. I tend to push him for his thoughts and opinions and he shuts down. I feel irrationally hurt when he flees a situation because he feels anxious and refuses to discuss it. These situations leave us both feeling hurt, neglected, and misunderstood. I sometimes hurt his feelings accidentally by phrasing things in a way that he misunderstands. I need some advice for communication and helping him with his anxieties. He is smart, talented, and hardworking, with a college degree. But I get the feeling he does not do well with job interviews, and he can not find a job in his field. He has not had good luck with therapists and has public health insurance, which does not provide him many resources. Any advice helps!
Edit: It may help to note that I have ADHD. Interestingly, I think part of the reason we get along so well is we share the experience of paying attention to the "wrong things", and our very blunt sense of humor. We both have disorders that alter the way we interact with the world. He closes all of the doors I leave open and lights I leave on. I remind him to say goodbye to people at parties [emoji14]
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Please feel very warmly welcomed here. You already have some impressive insighst. May you find generous support here as you learn more. Thank you for being such a compassionate mate to your dear Aspie.
