I Love my Long Distance Girlfriend, But Sometimes I don't have time to talk

[UberScout]

So, as you may or may not know, I have a lady friend who is long distance (I know what you're thinking, BUT, it's actually working out really well), and she's... well, I don't want to say "clingy" per se, I don't want her personality to come off as that. It's just, she messages me a lot, which is fine, I don't mind that at all, but because of the hectic way my home life is, I don't always have time to stop and respond to a text message (read: Messenger because phone bills exist), due to responding to an order to clean up the living room (Maddog leaves stuff laying around), clean the bathroom (Maddog...and...sometimes me), basically really any kind of chore or task that needs to be done "now", and it's not like I don't want to talk to her, it's that I can't sometimes, but I'm worried she's getting annoyed with it. Honestly she's more understanding than that, but it's not like I'm there to see what her thoughts are...

 

[Judge]

To make a very long story short, that was the beginning of the end with my relationship with "the love of my life". What complicated it all for me was that she not only lived with me, but worked with me only about ten feet from my workstation. In other words, she was a "24/7 girlfriend" and seemed to relish it. So when I wanted some solitude and didn't say all the magic words she needed to hear, it increasingly annoyed her as well. In her case (as were all my girlfriends), she was Neurotypical.

Sadly at the time neither her or myself had a clue that we were very different neurologically speaking. I often wonder that had I been aware of being on the spectrum at this time that I might have been able to save this relationship. But of course it didn't happen, and she eventually dumped me and never looked back.

I guess what I want to say here is that if and when you sense such things with a significant other, be prepared to go against what may come naturally to you as an autistic person. That is of course, if you truly value this relationship. Of course in my own case I'll never know if having some insight about myself or her in a neurological sense could have saved our relationship. Instead I simply acted on my instincts that I really didn't understand at the time and it cost me something very precious that I really never found again.

In essence, if you value whatever this relationship involves, then you know that you have to be proactive about it, and that it may involve going against your autistic instincts from time-to-time. But hey, that may be what it takes to keep such a relationship going.

That was more than thirty years ago. Obviously I still lament over this.

 

[Varzar]

Honestly, I think you should just tell her what you just told us.
1) You love getting all her messages.
2) You don't always get to respond as much as you would like due to "life".
3) You worry it bothers her you can't always reply, and you don't want her to feel like you don't care.

I would think even if it was bothering her, at that point she would have greater understanding that it's your life getting in the way, and not some desire to ignore her. Insecurity often plays a role in early relationship building. Communication is a great way of overcoming that.

 

[UberScout]

Honestly, I think you should just tell her what you just told us.
1) You love getting all her messages.
2) You don't always get to respond as much as you would like due to "life".
3) You worry it bothers her you can't always reply, and you don't want her to feel like you don't care.

I would think even if it was bothering her, at that point she would have greater understanding that it's your life getting in the way, and not some desire to ignore her. Insecurity often plays a role in early relationship building. Communication is a great way of overcoming that.

I really wish I could email you a handshake right now.

 

[Gerontius]

Dude there is nothing wrong with a long-distance relationship. Be as honest & open with her as you would be with anyone else & I am sure she will understand that you can't always come to the telephone or the computer.
Good luck brother!

 

[Aspychata]

Agree with above, tell her you enjoy hearing from her but sometimes you are the person that gets things done around the house and you will respond as soon as the house god releases you from slavery. Put a spin on on it because it isn't changing but you have something in one hand. A fun relationship.

 

[SusanLR]

Agree with above, tell her you enjoy hearing from her but sometimes you are the person that gets things done around the house and you will respond as soon as the house god releases you from slavery. Put a spin on on it because it isn't changing but you have something in one hand. A fun relationship.

I had to explain that to a long distance relationship with a guy I rarely get to visit in person just last week.

I hadn't heard from him in a while and there have been times I couldn't talk or text when he calls.
Even though I am single, the relationship I have for living arrangements makes it like quoted
above: I'm expected to get things done and have to find time when the house god releases me from
slavery.

After I explained this in depth, he said I was like a Cinderella and he was the glass slipper.
That didn't sound exactly right, but, the thought was nice.

Yes, I know it's time to get breakfast! I've only had 4 hrs. sleep!

When I get the laundry done...and sweep the floor,

I'm taking a nap!