I need advice on anger.

[Perkinsj88]

After finding out I have asperger syndrome about 4 days ago I was overwhelmed with excitement and happiness at first, now I have transitioned into being filled with anger. Most of it towards teachers and doctors. I can't even fathom how many times I was accused of just "not trying" when I was actually trying my hardest to do what they wanted. One specific occasion I remember is 4th grade, I was being introduced the concept of division in math. The idea of division was so stupid to me, it was something I could already do by using the multiplication rules already taught to me. I couldn't get it, I asked my teacher to help me..to show me..her response was "just look in your book, its all in there". Like I was unaware of this...of course it was in the ****in book, but the book is stupid. I battled this for a long time. The problem was I had to write out how I got my answer so she could see I was using the "right" method. It took me half the school year to figure out the idiots wanted me to use the exaft eame idea just backwards and with different symbols, what is this crap I thought? My way was so much better...I could work through the same real world problems without the need of this idiotic idea you call division but is actually mutiplication done backwards. I have the same trouble with algebra even today, why in the hell did they all need such a complicated sub system of math to do these problems? Instead of forcing me to learn the meaning behind symbols and orders of operation why can't yiu just give me the long version of it? I know it probably wastes a lot of paper but I would rather do it the way I already know how to than this ultra complicated system of formulas and symbols. Moving away from math now...I was once required to stand in front of my class and present a report on polar bears. This was equivalent to force a dolphin to renounce his world in the ocean and walk on land amongst us. I wish that was possible..sthey would probably have understood me more than people I was forced to recognize as my life mentors. I was subjected to so much punishment for something I could not change. I want to have a school reunion of sorts where all of my idiot teachers are required by law to sit and let me teach them why they are idiots. What do you think it is does to a child when he or she is punished over and over for something that they have no control over? I can testify that it creates unimaginable amounts of frustration, sadness, and I guess rage, all at once. The vast numbers of morons are molding beautiful and unique children to be a monster. I began lashing out, kicked the crap out of my "normal" peers because it looked like they were no different than my teachers at that age. This eventually led to experimenting with alcohol at a very young age, picked up smoking, had planned to run away and live secluded in the woods, guns became involved and I was charged with a felony theft by receiving at the age of 14. And what generates the largest amount of anger, the law of our society forces me to submit my daughter to this same torture that I endured. Societys stupid need for me to fit into their rulebook nearly drove me insane. I will not allow any law to force me intocondemning my amazing daughter to this hell they see as required to be normal. I know once we have her diagnosed and societys laws deem her in a special developmentally disabled that suh things as special ed exist and so forth, modified education. I have been victim of mistrust in the system and people that were paid to help me grow that I don't care what they do...it will never be good enough for my daughter. She understands things more complex than even I can and they label her as disabled. In order to be given a "greencard" to live in their society we are forced to accept this label of being disabled. This is infuriating for me right now, the problems are so wide spread there's nothing I can really do about it. I was discarded as an defect for being different. Now I wish to discard the idiots for being idiots(also because they are different, they deserve to wear the label of disabled, they have been the defect all along. I'm afraid that this angry view I have found will prevent me from mogint forward in my life. Therapist will likely only make this worse. I don't deal well when people are trying to fix me. Any ideas for ways to rid myself of this anger is very much appreciated.

 

[Aalo]

How is it going now?

I've also been angry, mostly to my parents who didn't realize my state when I was a kid. It could've helped me so much in my struggling through school an everything. I just got courage to get myself checked after I had lived alone for long time. Now I don't even need my diagnosis anywhere, but as a kid I really could've used counselling and cognitive therapy to learn coping better. And maybe teachers could have coped better with me. Some teachers depreciating me got me hating some subjects and because of that I first chose a career path that wasn't really suitable for me. This underestimating seems to have been common to so many of us.

Now I can only laugh by myself that "I survived by myself", but at what cost. But there's really no changing the past, and all we can do is try to act wisely for now on. Giving space to others but demand what we finally realize needing for ourselves. It's good that autism awareness is much better nowadays than ten years ago.

 

[Perkinsj88]

I understand! In my case, my mom suffered from it as well..and she was treated worse than I was as a child. She did everything she could to make things better for me, but she never knew why we were different. She tried to tell the teachers but they didn't listen. School mandated I attend therapy at a young age, my mother and I both tried to tell the therapist, but she did not listen either. If not for myself (and likely the very thing that I do because of my condition, over analyze!) I would have never known. Even now I am labeled with simply being ADD (soon to change, appointment next week). I am still filled with anger towards much but I will move past this eventually. Look closer at your parents behavior towards you, maybe they didn't realize because it was also normal to them?

 

[Tarragon]

Wow. This thread is very resonant with me right now!

I really would love to know how it has developed for you. I just got my official diagnosis two days ago, and I utterly understand all the sentiment you folks have written here.

I am still adjusting to the news, and as for my parents - they are still in the very early stages of realising just what has happened.

I can also look back at school, uni, workplaces etc and would like to rattle these so called "teachers" and "bosses" until their teeth shake!

I have worked through a lot of my anger about this, but I suspect I still am angry. I don't have kids, but if I did I suspect I also would be very protective of them over how we get treated with our different way of thinking.

I have read somewhere about different stages of grief. And I reckon maybe this anger we have is part of a grieving process for the lives we never had but feel we could have had. When I think about how my life bounced in the wrong directions due to my Aspergers not being recognised, it makes me angry and sad all at the same time.

Work in progress I think....

 

[epath13]

... as for anger in general... well, I am quite impulsive and the only thing I have learned about anger, it's useless and needs to be monitored. Constant self observation and attempt to pinpoint the moment before you start to explode is the best way to deal with it (in my opinion), when you're at that point, not exploding yet, review the possible outcome: what you're going to do, what the consequences are and ask yourself, "does it really help in your situation?" Then find something that calms you down (or the child): nap, weighted blanket, routine sensory activities, running, meditation (everybody is different) and do it until you're more or less calm. This may all take some time to master (especially for an adult) but it's worth it.

Now, as for children and schools. A good school will not treat a child with disability as a monster and it also doesn't have a right to punish him/ her. Behavior plan should be included in child's IEP. If a child has anger/ impulse control issues or if there's a problem with a teacher not understanding how to deal with a child of a certain disorder: this all has to be addressed at an IEP meeting. One of my children had lots of issues (both of my kids are on Autism spectrum), in the end after 2 IEP meetings, several conversations and eventual complaint to the school district, the problem was resolved. Is it perfect now? No. But at least I know teachers and staff have better understanding of my child's condition and they treat him appropriately. And he's much happier at school now.

Learn about the rights you have in your state, and go from there. People want an easy way out. Understanding Autism and many other disorders is a hard work. A lot of people don't want to do it, whether they deny it or not. That's why we have to step in and constantly explain how important it is, and that it is actually not as hard as they might think.