I need help...but do I really?

[Midnight Mushroom]

Hey everyone. This post might be a bit rambling but I need to get this off my chest.

I'm currently in therapy for anxiety and depression, but I think I might be on the spectrum. My therapist is an inexperienced intern and they didn't ask the best questions so I think she may have missed it. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just a weak fool desperately searching for an excuse. This is a debate that rages hourly in my mind. It's exhausting and confusing.

I also know I'm struggling in life. I graduated (barely) from high school in 2016 and went straight to community college. My first semester was okay but after that things went down hill. My fear of approaching people, asking for help, and confusion on official paperwork really broke me. I had a brief job at a pizza place but it proved overwhelming. This summer I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. Once I got out I started therapy but it hasn't helped a lot. Well it's helped a bit with the depression, but not the symptoms that make me think I might be on the spectrum. I've been trying to get a job again but interviews are hell and only a few jobs I'd really be comfortable with.

Thus other debate in my head: "I really need help to complete school / work / generally survive." vs "You can do it, stop complaining. Others have it worse and they manage. Stop being greedy."

Even if I accepted my need for help, if I need it, I have no idea what options are out there. I don't know who or how to ask. Because I go to great lengths to hide my issues from my family and friends, they don't realize how much I struggle and I feel like if I got extra help they'd try to say I didn't need it. I'm scared and confused and stuck.

Idk why I wrote all this. Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone have advice?

 

[SusanLR]

I've had anxiety and depression issues since 8th grade
but the spectrum diagnosis was overlooked until two years ago after I lost my family and didn't know how to handle being alone.
The Social Worker who was seeing me for grief counseling saw clues that made her think I was on the spectrum.
Started asking questions related to that and asked me to take the on-line test at Psych Central which showed very high results.
She recommended I find a psychologist or psychiatrist that specialised in Aspergers autism and get a professional diagnosis.

At age 60, about the only thing recommended for therapy was gradual exposure therapy of going out into crowds, shopping, eating, driving, etc. alone.
It has helped some, but the depression and anxiety are still the main issues we are working on.

 

[WittyAspie]

Sorry to hear you are in a rough spot. Depression can really be the pits. I don't have much advise but I will say this. The people who truly care about you would prefer that you tell them you are depressed. Don't be afraid to reach out if you really need help. Pretending something isn't real doesn't make it go away or help in dealing with it. Admit to yourself and others that you need help, ask what can be done, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I'm glad you joined our site and I hope we can be an encouragement to you. WELCOME!!!!

 

[Gracey]

The next time you speak to your therapist tell them exactly what you've written above?
(Write it down in a notebook or note it on your phone and take it with you to your next session)

Ask your therapist what they know about the spectrum?

...unless it's a specific course of therapy?

For example I attended a very short course of CBT that dealt with anxiety.

Exploring anxiety highlighted other 'issues'
This particular course of therapy dealt with generalised anxiety only.
(Not the spectrum, or social anxiety, paranoia, trust issues, ocd and so on, just anxiety and what to do about it)

It might be worth a mention to your therapist?

I feel stuck much of the time. Which can lead to confusion and fear and frustration.
Chasing my own tail stuck in repetitive thought patterns and thought loops.
It's because I have great difficulty accepting the help I obviously require.

I can convince myself I'm absolutely fine, when really I'm not.

If you need assistance with your studies and school work, apply for it and accept it.
Don't judge yourself because of it.

 

[Streetwise]

Hey everyone. This post might be a bit rambling but I need to get this off my chest.

I'm currently in therapy for anxiety and depression, but I think I might be on the spectrum. My therapist is an inexperienced intern and they didn't ask the best questions so I think she may have missed it. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just a weak fool desperately searching for an excuse. This is a debate that rages hourly in my mind. It's exhausting and confusing.

I also know I'm struggling in life. I graduated (barely) from high school in 2016 and went straight to community college. My first semester was okay but after that things went down hill. My fear of approaching people, asking for help, and confusion on official paperwork really broke me. I had a brief job at a pizza place but it proved overwhelming. This summer I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. Once I got out I started therapy but it hasn't helped a lot. Well it's helped a bit with the depression, but not the symptoms that make me think I might be on the spectrum. I've been trying to get a job again but interviews are hell and only a few jobs I'd really be comfortable with.

Thus other debate in my head: "I really need help to complete school / work / generally survive." vs "You can do it, stop complaining. Others have it worse and they manage. Stop being greedy."

Even if I accepted my need for help, if I need it, I have no idea what options are out there. I don't know who or how to ask. Because I go to great lengths to hide my issues from my family and friends, they don't realize how much I struggle and I feel like if I got extra help they'd try to say I didn't need it. I'm scared and confused and stuck.

Idk why I wrote all this. Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone have advice?

definitely keep going to therapy it's the only time I get to talk about what I really want to talk about
I've been in hospital for an overdose,one thing I've learned apart from psychologists or paramedics I avoid the medical profession ,they see me as trouble.
One thing I learned don't contact the mental health crisis team in my area they were useless .
What's great about this forum is you can take your time to talk that is a valuable resource .

 

[Midnight Mushroom]

Thank you for your support everyone. It helped. I think I'll write out my concerns to give to my therapist. If I don't I'll probably forget and since challenging authority is an issue for me it'll be less stressful.

 

[Accelerator]

Thank you for your support everyone. It helped. I think I'll write out my concerns to give to my therapist. If I don't I'll probably forget and since challenging authority is an issue for me it'll be less stressful.

I'm glad you found that support here. After all, that's why this site exists in the first place. Welcome, and I hope your life goes up from here.

 

[Ambi]

I don't know if you have ASD or not. I myself an "self-diagnosed", so I don't even know for sure about myself - what I am positive about is that I struggle with enough traits that I find it most helpful to seek advice and support from others with ASD on this forum and in books/videos by those with ASD.

 

[Nitro]

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[AO1501]

Thank you for your support everyone. It helped. I think I'll write out my concerns to give to my therapist. If I don't I'll probably forget and since challenging authority is an issue for me it'll be less stressful.

Try not to think of your therapist as 'authority'. She is there to support and help guide you towards more robust mental health. As such, she can only do her job if you tell her what you honestly think and feel.

And what Ambi said above: "I don't know if you have ASD or not. I myself an "self-diagnosed", so I don't even know for sure about myself - what I am positive about is that I struggle with enough traits that I find it most helpful to seek advice and support from others with ASD on this forum and in books/videos by those with ASD." is crucial. A diagnosis to give you a label isn't a necessary thing. If you feel you meet the characteristics described by others in this forum, this is the place for you, and I have no doubt you will get willing support from members here.

The answer to the question you asked - I need help, but do I really - is that we all need help sometimes. Getting that help often only needs us to ask for it.

 

[Tom]

Hi & Welcome,
Many of us self identified/diagnosed as Aspies, so its quite common. Anxiety is a common co-morbid condition to ASD and social anxiety and difficulties are symptoms of ASD. A good starting point is reading up on the symptoms and taking free on-line self tests. Conversing with other Aspies is useful too. There is a intuitive process of recognizing whether this is your tribe, a close relation or not at all. It can be difficult to sort out what mental conditions are at work because some share symptoms. Be patient and keep an open mind and try to accurately determine whats going on. Once your sure you can try and get an official diagnosis if you deem that helpful. But as you have already noticed not all professionals are up to speed on autism and its various forms. Not even all doctors.

 

[the_tortoise]

I struggle with knowing my limits and with accepting help, but I don't know that my feelings and experiences are similar to yours or not....

I am naturally extremely independent, I like to do things by myself and in my own way. Add to this that starting in my early childhood I received "help" from others that was not helpful or was the opposite of helpful and could never explain this to anyone (because I literally could not think of the words to do so, ever -- I was in my twenties before I had any ability to put this stuff to words)....this alone turned me into a person who is very averse to even accepting and admitting to himself when he needs help, let alone admitting it to others.

I have also been judged very harshly by those who couldn't see/understand or wouldn't accept that I have real difficulties (as opposed to just being lazy or pretending not to understand). This doesn't help me feel comfortable with the idea of needing help from others (I don't trust others not to hurt me for simply having a difficulty because they don't understand).

And finally I kind of suck at asking for help....at explaining myself and asking questions in general. Questions have never been my strong suit (statements are easier....they require less merging and comparing of perspectives and less unspoken stuff). I often don't know what I need to tell people about my perspective (if anything) because I don't know their persective, can't find the words for what I'm thinking and wondering about, and/or can't distill what may be something very complicated into a clear sequence of questions that might make sense to the other person.

My advice is:

Focus on trying to figure out what practical help might be useful to you, or on finding out what kinds of help are available in the areas you struggle with.

Don't talk too much about your struggles with people who respond with dismissiveness and say things that make you feel bad/ashamed about yourself. It can be harder to ignore or question hurtful comments if you hear them all the time. Even if a "pull up your bootstraps/be tough/just do it" sort of mindset is what helps you and what you need, not everyone offers "kick in the pants" support in the same way -- some people are more judgemental and insensitive while others don't judge and offer varying amounts of emotional validation while they tell you to just pull yourself together and soldier on.

Don't look to people whose minds seem already made up about what you (or everyone in the world) can and can't do for help figuring out the nature and extent of whatever difficulties you may have. Look to people who will actually consider what you say carefully. Be mindful of how hard it can be for family and friends who have known you for a long time to accept that there might be big things they don't know about you.....they may know you better than anyone else, but that paradoxically can make them closed-minded about the things that would be impossible for them to know unless you explicitly told them.

Try to question yourself differently....instead of just questioning whether or not the needs and difficulties you have/perceive yourself to have** are valid or worthy of attention/compassion/help/whatever-else, question things like why you characterize yourself as greedy for thinking you might need help in life. Question why whatever causes you to struggle should be any less legitimate as a cause of struggle than autism. (Like why are you not weak for struggling or for needing/wanting help if it's because you have autism but weak if it's for some other reason? There is always a reason for struggling, whether it gets a diagnosis or not, whether it's understood or not.)

So what if other people have it worse than you do? That doesn't mean everything is great/perfect/fine for you and that you don't suffer or struggle at all.

So what if other people have a greater need for assistance than you do? That doesn't mean your need for assistance isn't legitimate/real. Why should you feel guilty for needing (or even just wanting) help, just because there are others out there whose need for help is greater than your own? Simply needing or wanting help for yourself does not prevent needier individuals from receiving assistance -- in fact, it doesn't impact them at all.

Are you going to go out and start demanding that help be taken away from those who need it more than you do, so that said help can be given to you instead of them? This would be something to feel bad about -- but just having a need or want for assistance, regardless of how bad things are for you in comparison to others, is not wrong or bad and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone needs help sometimes and most people experience situations where they would do better with help, even if they can get by without it.

Just because you know you can survive breaking an arm doesn't mean you should go out and break one of your arms.... Just because you know you could get by using only one hand doesn't mean you should stop using the other....Just because you might be able to get by in life without help doesn't mean you should force yourself to do that if you don't have to (unless you really want to, but in my opinion you have no moral or practical obligation to do so).

Needing help and wanting help are nothing to be ashamed of, in my opinion -- and, by themselves, neither makes a person greedy.

**I am not questioning that your difficulties are real -- if you say you have them then I believe you and I believe they are real, but it sounds like you either aren't sure or don't believe yourself and I'm trying to show that I respect your self-knowledge and experience.