I need to stop being friendly with certain types of people.

[AdriansTired]

My best friend is not autistic, but he does have Adhd and dyslexia and did research to better understand me when I told him I think I may have Autism. He's been my best support throughout my life and would probably go to court to defend me if I killed someone and he saw it. But some of the people he talks to are so rude. We were talking in a group, which already sucks but I'm trying to make more friends so I sucked it up.

His acquaintance, a guy about two years older than me who didn't know I'm autistic, made a sarcastic comment about sleeping with me. I found it weird because I didn't realize the sarcasm and it's weird regardless. I expressed my disliking of the statement. When I did so, the acquaintance made the statement "It was sarcastic, what are you? Autistic or something?" I responded with "Probably" and he laughed at it as a joke.

At this point, my friend had to genuinely explain to him that I am in fact, most likely autistic. I heard a few words quietly spoken by the acquaintance that included "Are you kidding? She can't be a *r-word*" and "She doesn't look like it." It's been a few days, and I feel really uncomfortable around the acquaintance but he keeps talking to me on the bus. We aren't in the same school but will be next year and I'm kinda worried.

 

[tree]

So this acquaintance thinks that 'autistic' equals 'mentally retarded'?

 

[AdriansTired]

So this acquaintance thinks that 'autistic' equals 'mentally retarded'

Yeah, I think so.

 

[Raggamuffin]

In the book Man's Search for Meaning the author shares a profound reality that he experienced as a concentration camp prisoner. But it can and should be applied to all difficult and uncomfortable times in life:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Whilst we encounter situations and people that trigger - we are the one's with that hair trigger, and we are the creator of our anxieties and other negative emotions. It's almost as if we have to take a step back and catch ourselves in the act when we go down the rabbit hole with our negative thoughts and feelings.

If you read or draw, bring those along on the bus. If you don't wish to say outright (which few would) that he's making you feel uncomfortable. Naturally distract your attention from them. Or ask if you can sit next to a random person. Ensuring there's people opposite too. That way he can't sit by you.

Also, noise cancelling headphones are a Godsend.

Ed

 

[AdriansTired]

In the book Man's Search for Meaning the author shares a profound reality that he experienced as a concentration camp prisoner. But it can and should be applied to all difficult and uncomfortable times in life:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Ed

that's a good quote, Ill keep that in mind.

 

[Raggamuffin]

It's a good book, but rather harrowing. He was a Jewish psychiatrist during WW2. He had his unpublished book confiscated from him when he entered the camp.

He noticed the people who often survived longest were those who could think outside of their current situation. To hold out hope of life beyond the present. Those who succumbed to their grief and suffering were the one's who perished most.

He developed Logotherapy from his experiences and studies:

"Logotherapy is a scientifically based school of psychotherapy based on the belief that the search for meaning, even amidst misery, can constitute a potential solution to human suffering."

Ed

 

[Aspychata]

I can't think of anything to write after @Raggamuffin's post. That really nailed it.

 

[The Pandector]

My best friend is not autistic, but he does have Adhd and dyslexia and did research to better understand me when I told him I think I may have Autism. He's been my best support throughout my life and would probably go to court to defend me if I killed someone and he saw it. But some of the people he talks to are so rude. We were talking in a group, which already sucks but I'm trying to make more friends so I sucked it up.

His acquaintance, a guy about two years older than me who didn't know I'm autistic, made a sarcastic comment about sleeping with me. I found it weird because I didn't realize the sarcasm and it's weird regardless. I expressed my disliking of the statement. When I did so, the acquaintance made the statement "It was sarcastic, what are you? Autistic or something?" I responded with "Probably" and he laughed at it as a joke.

At this point, my friend had to genuinely explain to him that I am in fact, most likely autistic. I heard a few words quietly spoken by the acquaintance that included "Are you kidding? She can't be a *r-word*" and "She doesn't look like it." It's been a few days, and I feel really uncomfortable around the acquaintance but he keeps talking to me on the bus. We aren't in the same school but will be next year and I'm kinda worried.

If I’m reading it correctly, your friend has done a great job. As your friend, he understands that sometimes others won’t get you, so he explained. That’s refreshing.

The acquaintance is obviously ignorant about autism, for starters. He then makes a remark equating autism with retardation. I’d have that little ‘jerk’ detector going off in my head. Then a casual joke about sex?

I understand you are trying to make friends but this is not friend material. My experience is that most females know how to display that icy ‘stop’ sign. Keep this guy at arm’s length and other potential friends won’t associate you with him. We’re rightly judged by the company we keep.

Your friend is sincere and should understand that you aren’t comfortable with his acquaintance.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Well Adrian, I know it can be a rough time being a teenager who is "different". Consider the source of those words, someone who doesn't know what he/she doesn't know, and doesn't have enough control over their brain and mouth. Perhaps they might be the "r-word" and just don't recognize it. Many people of low intelligence and knowledge actually think they are the smartest one's in the room, as it turns out. Dunning-Kruger phenomenon. Look it up.

Things do get better. Middle school and high school years can be brutal. Keep your wits about you and don't allow their words and actions get to you. When you run into these people, and you will, understand who you are dealing with. The second you show signs of "weakness", bullies, narcissists, people with low self-esteem are going to see you as a target. Don't let them.

 

[mysterionz]

Are you kidding? She can't be a *r-word*" and "She doesn't look like it." It's been a few days, and I feel really uncomfortable around the acquaintance but he keeps talking to me on the bus. We aren't in the same school but will be next year and I'm kinda worried.

My friend got told by her doctor that she can’t be on the autism spectrum because “she has too many friends.” Thats equivalent to NT ppl saying one can’t be autistic because “they’re too outgoing” or “friendly.” Yes, she is a woman and autism in women is often overlooked due to signs manifesting differently (women that are autistic often mask their symptoms)

 

[VictorR]

My friend got told by her doctor that she can’t be on the autism spectrum because “she has too many friends.” Thats equivalent to NT ppl saying one can’t be autistic because “they’re too outgoing” or “friendly.” Yes, she is a woman and autism in women is often overlooked due to signs manifesting differently (women that are autistic often mask their symptoms)

I know someone whose doctor said no on the basis that she had one friend. Apparently one is too many.

 

[Shamar]

My best friend is not autistic, but he does have Adhd and dyslexia and did research to better understand me when I told him I think I may have Autism. He's been my best support throughout my life and would probably go to court to defend me if I killed someone and he saw it. But some of the people he talks to are so rude. We were talking in a group, which already sucks but I'm trying to make more friends so I sucked it up.

His acquaintance, a guy about two years older than me who didn't know I'm autistic, made a sarcastic comment about sleeping with me. I found it weird because I didn't realize the sarcasm and it's weird regardless. I expressed my disliking of the statement. When I did so, the acquaintance made the statement "It was sarcastic, what are you? Autistic or something?" I responded with "Probably" and he laughed at it as a joke.

At this point, my friend had to genuinely explain to him that I am in fact, most likely autistic. I heard a few words quietly spoken by the acquaintance that included "Are you kidding? She can't be a *r-word*" and "She doesn't look like it." It's been a few days, and I feel really uncomfortable around the acquaintance but he keeps talking to me on the bus. We aren't in the same school but will be next year and I'm kinda worried.

Popular media, until fairly recently, almost always depicted people with autism as mentally retarded, or at slow, some with a special talent. Rain Man is a good example. When people say I don't look autistic, I respond "Should I get a big nose and wear my hair like Dustin Hoffman?" The vast majority of people are ignorant, and we will just have to live with it.

 

[Luca]

My friend got told by her doctor that she can’t be on the autism spectrum because “she has too many friends.” Thats equivalent to NT ppl saying one can’t be autistic because “they’re too outgoing” or “friendly.” Yes, she is a woman and autism in women is often overlooked due to signs manifesting differently (women that are autistic often mask their symptoms)

I know someone whose doctor said no on the basis that she had one friend. Apparently one is too many.

Yes, unfortunately, I have been told by not one, but at least three professionals that they doubt my diagnosis because I'm extroverted, because I understand humor and nuance, and essentially because I'm "likeable."
If that ain't a slap in the face I don't know what is.

Reminds me of a conversation I just had with my girlfriend earlier about how certain people always react with shock when they find out that I have drank alcohol, had sex, and use swear words.
It's really hurtful when the most common reaction to doing "normal" adult things is "Wow, I would've never thought you'd do something like that!"
I'm an autistic adult, I'm not a newly hatched alien being lol

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Reminds me of a conversation I just had with my girlfriend earlier about how certain people always react with shock when they find out that I have drank alcohol, had sex, and use swear words.

I get the same reaction!

I was also rejected by a specialist--when seeking an ASD diagnosis--because I'd made it to my mid-thirties without being diagnosed. Therefor it was all in my head and I was wasting his time, so no consultation. This guy is one of the main specialists in the area, too. And told by another that he was skeptical I was Autistic because I like fiction.

To the OP, I agree with the advice to avoid and keep boundaries with this guy. He sounds like he's all red flags.

 

[Rodafina]

Because of your post title, I will say you definitely do not need to be friendly with this guy.

If you really want to be the one to educate him on his ignorant statement, you can choose that role.

If you’d rather tell him to piss off and mind his own business, that is another route.

If you would rather just remain aloof or tell him that you aren’t interested in talking to him, that is another route, too.

You’re not required to be nice to this person for any reason. You are not required to accept him as a friend.

You are allowed to have boundaries for people that are hurtful to you. Stick to the people that make you feel good and understand you, like your friend. I am happy you have that person in your life.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Stick to the people that make you feel good and understand you, like your friend. I am happy you have that person in your life.

Sometimes good friends have some really lousy ones, too. Which can be confusing.

 

[Aspychata]

@Rodafina
This is my toughest battle. Deciding is this person toxic, or are we mutually getting thru a life lesson. Sometimes we go on the ride at the amusement park, and actually exit as both stronger individuals then when we entered the ride. I usually have these types of friends. Sometimes they grow, sometimes l grow more. But we still hold on to our friendships, l have friends that l have known years like this.

 

[Mary Terry]

The ignorance about autism is appalling. Every person I know on the spectrum has a great sense of humor although it may be hard for them to express it. Many prefer to read fiction instead of factual data and watch fictional TV shows and movies. They are diverse, as are NTs, in their interests.

 

[Mary Terry]

About the lack of understanding of autism:

I attended a birthday party yesterday afternoon for the 6-year-old grandson of one of my oldest and best friends. She hosted the party at her house. The boy has a tentative diagnosis of autism. If he is on the spectrum (and I don't doubt that he is), then he clearly is high functioning.

The party was outside, with adults sitting on a deck and kids playing in the yard. There were about six NT children of similar age there, running around, screaming, making loud noises, throwing toys, and acting like children do. The birthday boy seemed (to me) to be overwhelmed by all the noise and frantic activities of the other kids and he retreated to a cloth hammock, pulling the sides of the hammock over his body and face to wrap himself up, and gently swinging in the hammock.

This is what upset me: his grandmother/my friend kept going over to him and telling him to get out of the hammock and to play with his party guests.

I know it is not my place to say anything but I'm going to visit my friend this afternoon and try to explain to her that her grandson needed to chill out, get away from all the noise and commotion, that he wasn't being "rude" or doing anything wrong when he retreated to the hammock. I hope she'll understand what I tell her.