I prayed last night

[Princess Viola]

I know that probably doesn't sound anything special, I imagine a lot of y'all pray before going to bed, but I gotta quickly give y'all my religious upbringing, background, and beliefs:
Uhh, there is none.

I'm not joking either. Sure, I was baptized Catholic and I'm not going to say that I've never attended church before but we are talking 'I went to church a small handful of times (probably less than 5 times) when I was a little kid around 5-6 years old' (and honestly most of what I remember was just going down to the basement for Sunday school, which was mostly just me and the other kids being given coloring pages with illustrations of Bible stories for us to color). Pretty much for the entirety of my life, religion just wasn't a thing. I was raised by my grandparents and I'm pretty sure they were religious (I know my grandma was Catholic and my grandpa was Protestant) because we did have like a few crucifixes in the house and at least one painting of Jesus as well, but we never went to church (not even for Christmas and Easter, much less every Sunday), never said grace before dinner, didn't pray, none of that. I don't know if it was a conscious decision or if my grandparents decided that they just wanted their religion to be a private thing, but that's how it was (and both of them are deceased now, my grandma passing in 2016 and my grandpa passing this past June, so I cannot ask them about that).

But that's just how it was, since religion wasn't really part of my life growing up, I was completely non-religious. Sure, maybe when I was a kid I'd tell people I believed in God but I was just a kid who didn't know better (please note: I am not saying 'didn't know better' to mean that people who believe in God don't know any better, I just mean 'as a kid, I didn't know about the concept of being non-religious and I just would say I believed in God because that's what I'm supposed to say') but when I got older? Yeah I'd just say I was non-religious, not really religious, atheist, etc. It was just the natural way my (lack of) religion developed because of my experiences growing up.

But recently, I've been feeling conflict within myself in regards to my beliefs. I've been feeling a strong pull towards Christianity and the thought of accepting God and Jesus into my heart is feeling so appealing, but it's really more than that. It's like my heart is telling me that God is real and that He loves me as He loves all of His children and that Jesus is the Son of God who sacrificed himself to redeem humanity, but my brain is going 'No!' to this.

I'm just so confused over all of this because of the conflict going on between my heart and my brain, but I decided that I have to try and deal with this internal conflict by trying to integrate some aspects of Christianity into my life, I guess to see how they 'feel' for a lack of a better? I would not call myself 'Christian' considering this conflict I feel with my beliefs, I'd say 'I'm atheist/non-religious who thinks she might be becoming Christian'.

And I figured the easiest thing to start integrating into my life was prayer, since that doesn't require me to acquire any physical objects, study anything, or anything else.

So that's what I did last night. Before I went to bed for the night, I got on my knees by my bed, clasped my hands together and said this:
'Dear God, if you are out there, I am struggling with my beliefs. I am willing to learn more about your love for me. Please give me a sign that you are willing to help me on my journey. Amen'

As of now, that's basically where I'm at - someone who is feeling conflict and an internal battle in regards to what she believes.

I'm going to try praying again before I go to bed tonight.

 

[lunarious]

But recently, I've been feeling conflict within myself in regards to my beliefs. I've been feeling a strong pull towards Christianity and the thought of accepting God and Jesus into my heart is feeling so appealing, but it's really more than that. It's like my heart is telling me that God is real and that He loves me as He loves all of His children and that Jesus is the Son of God who sacrificed himself to redeem humanity, but my brain is going 'No!' to this.

It's your choise to believe in God. I'm Muslim so we have Jesus as Prophet in Islam, and I'm not "stealing" you from Christianity over to Islam.

But self-control is Major. Like they say in China and there; Control yourself before you control others.

 

[FilterFreq]

As someone who's not really tied to any particular belief system, I think belief and faith are extremely powerful, and even though I identified as such in the past, atheism and nihilism really are just a black hole.

I'd rather be wrong about my concept of a benevolent architect than to live believing in nothing. Some can call it silly, but having a higher power pulls people out of bad places regardless. If it seems outlandish to have faith in our world, it's only a sign of how faithless we've all become. Going against the grain works wonders .

No matter who or what you choose to believe in, I can almost guarantee it will give you some form of meaning.

 

[lunarious]

I'm a type Atheist to use myself as example. But! I Believe in a here and now, and yet a here after.

A calculated hereafter. Which means i'll sacrifice my present ans strech myself, if i care about my self.

 

[Alexej]

So that's what I did last night. Before I went to bed for the night, I got on my knees by my bed, clasped my hands together and said this:
'Dear God, if you are out there, I am struggling with my beliefs. I am willing to learn more about your love for me. Please give me a sign that you are willing to help me on my journey. Amen'

Wow that is quite a prayer!

May God bless you and respond to you in God's way and in God's time.
May Jesus show you who he is
May the Spirit bless and overshadow you

 

[Mary Terry]

@Princess Viola - If you have a Bible, maybe start by reading the book of Psalms (songs). Most of them were written by King David. The thoughts expressed in the songs can be very powerful and comforting, such as Psalm 23 which begins with "The Lord is my shepherd".

I was raised in the Presbyterian church. Attendance multiple times a week was mandatory by our parents. When I grew up, I stopped going to church on a regular basis but have always carried with me the teachings of Christ in my heart. We raised our children in the church so they would be exposed to religion and could make up their own minds when they were teenagers if they wanted to continue attending. Two of them still go to church on Sundays and are raising their children in the church.

 

[jsilver256]

If you're into technology, type into ChatGPT "what makes the New Testament unique from an archeological perspective? Compare dates and other numbers against the 'next best' attested documents."

The New Testament is unparalleled among all historical documents. It's not even close, it's more like a couple of orders of magnitude. We can construct much of it from the writings of the church fathers alone, never mind the actual sources. Blew my mind when I started researching this.

There is basically an unbroken chain of custody and agreement that the Resurrection happened all the way back to Jesus' contemporaries and the skeptics' arguments get less and less believable. You're kinda left with "well, mass psychosis made everything up and formed their own cult."

Pompeii (73 AD) has been shown to have crosses as a Christian symbol. We are used to the Cross, but back then it was like using an electric chair as a symbol. It was considered strange and abhorrent to have a literal torture device as a religious symbol. The Romans even used to call crucification by an euphemism - "unlucky tree." Christians would claim that this is "evidence" that many people witnessed the death and subsequent resurrection of Jesus - that is the only way that the Cross got established so early on as the Christian symbol.

I share this because as often as I speak of religion, I am extremely alexithymic and I am horrible with the "feelings" and "prayer" part of the Gospel.

 

[Tom]

I think that was a good honest prayer.

 

[FayetheAspie]

I know that probably doesn't sound anything special, I imagine a lot of y'all pray before going to bed, but I gotta quickly give y'all my religious upbringing, background, and beliefs:
Uhh, there is none.

I'm not joking either. Sure, I was baptized Catholic and I'm not going to say that I've never attended church before but we are talking 'I went to church a small handful of times (probably less than 5 times) when I was a little kid around 5-6 years old' (and honestly most of what I remember was just going down to the basement for Sunday school, which was mostly just me and the other kids being given coloring pages with illustrations of Bible stories for us to color). Pretty much for the entirety of my life, religion just wasn't a thing. I was raised by my grandparents and I'm pretty sure they were religious (I know my grandma was Catholic and my grandpa was Protestant) because we did have like a few crucifixes in the house and at least one painting of Jesus as well, but we never went to church (not even for Christmas and Easter, much less every Sunday), never said grace before dinner, didn't pray, none of that. I don't know if it was a conscious decision or if my grandparents decided that they just wanted their religion to be a private thing, but that's how it was (and both of them are deceased now, my grandma passing in 2016 and my grandpa passing this past June, so I cannot ask them about that).

But that's just how it was, since religion wasn't really part of my life growing up, I was completely non-religious. Sure, maybe when I was a kid I'd tell people I believed in God but I was just a kid who didn't know better (please note: I am not saying 'didn't know better' to mean that people who believe in God don't know any better, I just mean 'as a kid, I didn't know about the concept of being non-religious and I just would say I believed in God because that's what I'm supposed to say') but when I got older? Yeah I'd just say I was non-religious, not really religious, atheist, etc. It was just the natural way my (lack of) religion developed because of my experiences growing up.

But recently, I've been feeling conflict within myself in regards to my beliefs. I've been feeling a strong pull towards Christianity and the thought of accepting God and Jesus into my heart is feeling so appealing, but it's really more than that. It's like my heart is telling me that God is real and that He loves me as He loves all of His children and that Jesus is the Son of God who sacrificed himself to redeem humanity, but my brain is going 'No!' to this.

I'm just so confused over all of this because of the conflict going on between my heart and my brain, but I decided that I have to try and deal with this internal conflict by trying to integrate some aspects of Christianity into my life, I guess to see how they 'feel' for a lack of a better? I would not call myself 'Christian' considering this conflict I feel with my beliefs, I'd say 'I'm atheist/non-religious who thinks she might be becoming Christian'.

And I figured the easiest thing to start integrating into my life was prayer, since that doesn't require me to acquire any physical objects, study anything, or anything else.

So that's what I did last night. Before I went to bed for the night, I got on my knees by my bed, clasped my hands together and said this:
'Dear God, if you are out there, I am struggling with my beliefs. I am willing to learn more about your love for me. Please give me a sign that you are willing to help me on my journey. Amen'

As of now, that's basically where I'm at - someone who is feeling conflict and an internal battle in regards to what she believes.

I'm going to try praying again before I go to bed tonight.

@Princess Viola I am so happy to hear that you are searching. As Jesus said "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you: " Matthew 7:7
As for physical objects, they are not really necessary, but I would highly recommend getting a Bible so that you can read His words for yourself. It is not about objects, or ceremonies, or locations. It is about the heart. It is about our belief and trust in Him and what he did for us. I want you to know that you are in my prayers.

 

[Kavigant]

I think that I've wrestled with similar issues. It took me so much struggling to realize that I do still actually believe in God. I just don't believe the Bible anymore, nor do I believe that Jesus is God.
In a way, it feels as though I used to have God in a much-too-small box; I no longer believe that God appeared to one small tribe in the Middle East and gave them a book in one or two languages. I believe that God has appeared to all peoples everywhere. We fallible humans tend to mess up God's message - turning it into rules and punishments.
I'd advise you to keep lines of communication with God (however you conceive of Her, Him, or It) open and keep your focus on love and healing. At least, that's what's helping me right now.

(No disrespect intended to anyone who believes differently than I do.)

 

[Rachie]

I would definetly encourage you to keep on praying. I had a Catholic school upbringing as well till 19. I was raised as a Christian but as a family we mainly used to pray at night. I sought out more myself at 16 my faith by praying really about a year before I entered a Christian church at 17. I woud say give prayer a decent amount of time. I said the same advice to other family members in similar situations.
Jesus said when we struggle to communicate with God that we can say the Lord Prayer's Matthew 6:9-15.
There are audio Bibe's as well and I use Faith Comes by Hearing and they do dramatised and non dramatised versions.
I wish you well.

 

[Princess Viola]

@Princess Viola - If you have a Bible, maybe start by reading the book of Psalms (songs). Most of them were written by King David. The thoughts expressed in the songs can be very powerful and comforting, such as Psalm 23 which begins with "The Lord is my shepherd".

@Princess Viola I am so happy to hear that you are searching. As Jesus said "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you: " Matthew 7:7
As for physical objects, they are not really necessary, but I would highly recommend getting a Bible so that you can read His words for yourself. It is not about objects, or ceremonies, or locations. It is about the heart. It is about our belief and trust in Him and what he did for us. I want you to know that you are in my prayers.

I don't have a Bible right now and it's like I know these days you can just download a Bible app on your phone or go to a website and choose what translation you want to read, but I just have a hard time reading books on my phone or laptop VS an actual physical copy.

But unfortunately right now, I wouldn't be able to go out and buy a Bible so my options really are: read on my phone/laptop or get a library card and borrow a physical copy from the library.

Also prayed again before going to bed, like I said I would, this time I prayed:
'Dear God, if you are there, my heart longs to connect with you but my mind is telling me you don’t exist. I humbly ask for your assistance on the path you think I should take. Amen.'

 

[Tom]

I don't have a Bible right now and it's like I know these days you can just download a Bible app on your phone or go to a website and choose what translation you want to read, but I just have a hard time reading books on my phone or laptop VS an actual physical copy.

But unfortunately right now, I wouldn't be able to go out and buy a Bible so my options really are: read on my phone/laptop or get a library card and borrow a physical copy from the library.

Also prayed again before going to bed, like I said I would, this time I prayed:
'Dear God, if you are there, my heart longs to connect with you but my mind is telling me you don’t exist. I humbly ask for your assistance on the path you think I should take. Amen.'

People's sharing can do a good job with it, but nothing beats reading God's words personally. You might try your local version of a dollar store. They often/usually carry very inexpensive copies for 1-2 dollars. They won't hold up long term (ie pages can fall out, etc.) but they will get you started.

In general the Old Testament is the story from the beginning up to a point, I think about 400 BC, when the prophets go silent (as far as we know). The New Testament picks it up when John the Baptist and Jesus enter the picture. If one is interested in Christianity the New Testament is probably a good place to start. But if you stay with it the Old Testament is also well worth reading.

 

[Princess Viola]

People's sharing can do a good job with it, but nothing beats reading God's words personally. You might try your local version of a dollar store. They often/usually carry very inexpensive copies for 1-2 dollars. They won't hold up long term (ie pages can fall out, etc.) but they will get you started.

In general the Old Testament is the story from the beginning up to a point, I think about 400 BC, when the prophets go silent (as far as we know). The New Testament picks it up when John the Baptist and Jesus enter the picture. If one is interested in Christianity the New Testament is probably a good place to start. But if you stay with it the Old Testament is also well worth reading.

Yeah I get ya, experiencing something for yourself (reading the Bible in this instance) is totally different than someone else telling you about it.

 

[Magna]

Sometimes the best formula for a person "finding religion" is someone having no previous education, indoctrination, etc with it and finding it later on their own. Conversely, sometimes being brought up in and steeped in the religion you were born into can sour someone so strongly that they later, reject religion completely.

 

[Princess Viola]

Well, since I can't get a physical Bible right now (and probably won't be able to any time soon + I have looked around to see if maybe we have one lying around the house, but I couldn't find one), I decided to download a Bible app on my phone.

I know I said I prefer reading books physically, but I can make do with reading on my phone if I have to.

 

[Sherlock77]

Well, since I can't get a physical Bible right now (and probably won't be able to any time soon + I have looked around to see if maybe we have one lying around the house, but I couldn't find one), I decided to download a Bible app on my phone.

I know I said I prefer reading books physically, but I can make do with reading on my phone if I have to.

Keep searching... The book of John is a good place to start

On a side note we have a Muslim man who attends our (Christian) Bible study group

 

[Alexej]

I share this because as often as I speak of religion, I am extremely alexithymic and I am horrible with the "feelings" and "prayer" part of the Gospel.

As an alexithmyic person I can relate to the feeling part, but I dont relate to the prayer part. What do you mean here?

I know I am sidestepping the OP's main post - so either PM me or we could start a new thread.

 

[All-Rounder]

People who say Atheism is the belief in nothing, don't know what Atheism is.

<Because atheists are defined by what they don’t believe, it’s difficult to generalize what they do believe. In the words of comedian and outspoken atheist Ricky Gervais on X, “Saying ‘Atheism is a belief system’ is like saying ‘not going skiing, is a hobby.’">

https://edition.cnn.com/2024/03/10/us/atheism-beliefs-explained-cec/index.html

It requires more than putting an equal between belief in deities and disbelief in deities.

Where it's very incompatible to compare is when people think that Atheists actually feel the same as believers about their beliefs, it's different, it's not a religious act to believe in something for me.

What I believe in varies, and is a vast amount of things with evidence available, for example the massive evidence of evolution we have I take as it being a strong indicator of evolution being true. I believe in psychology, a wonderful branch that explains the psychological and emotional states of humans and the strengths and vulnerabilities of thought.

Each atheist is different, some atheists believe in supernatural things, aliens, I take the Fermi paradox approach to aliens, though some people believe we've been visited already.

"Agnostic atheism – or atheistic agnosticism – is a philosophical position that encompasses both atheism and agnosticism. Agnostic atheists are atheistic because they do not hold a belief in the existence of any deity and are agnostic because they claim that the existence of a divine entity or entities is either unknowable in principle or currently unknown in fact.

The agnostic atheist may be contrasted with the agnostic theist, who believes that one or more deities exist but claims that the existence or nonexistence of such is unknown or cannot be known."

I would suggest not interacting with fear in a way that guides you strongly one way or the other. Fear only causes confusion and doesn't let you find what you believe, can put pressure on you, and it will always exist in us in a way or another. I don't think it helps, if you're a believer neither if you're an atheist. Although as an atheist I don't have so many fears in life, worrying that everything from what I think and do is somehow looked down upon by some deity, and I have formed a better moral system than deity rules.

Losing God is like losing somebody you actually had but I had accepted after many years of lack of answers that I was always actually alone. So don't expect much response for prayers, much like Einstein wouldn't.

This is a chance for internal searching, it sounds like an instinctual seeking for someone that you heard about, particularly lately. As children this has an intense effect, so I'm glad this didn't happen to you, because as children we don't have the ability to make conscious judgements and are highly influenced.

"thought of accepting God and Jesus into my heart is feeling so appealing, but it's really more than that. It's like my heart is telling me that God is real and that He loves me as He loves all of His children and that Jesus is the Son of God who sacrificed himself to redeem humanity"

Sounds like something that is commonly repeated in Christianity, but ask yourself if you heard of Allah and ended up knowing his love is great and such, wouldn't you feel the same? That's what happens, even though these deities are so different they sometimes oppose each other, people who are born in countries with a specific religion being talked about, a dominant religion they end up wanting to feel that, and rather believe in deities that have animal features instead of human ones. This is how religious doctrine propagates.

Your mind recognizes incongruent details, as well as is not immune to others. It's only human. Now how do we recognize truth from lie, and would we prefer truth or comfortable lies? Anyway the truth is not uncomfortable, it really depends how you judge our provenience for example some people take offense at being evolved from animals but it can be an interesting thing and a chance to not judge animals so quickly but to acknowledge there are similarities, and that's not a horrible thing, and we're still human, we're still we, why would we fear ourselves.

I guess you have chosen to follow your heart over mind in some aspects, yet in others you don't want to give up thinking either. I would insist that you don't give up either part over another, you have to find a balance, a place for both as it is indicative you have strong needs for both and ingrained values of not betraying either part of you. Whatever you decide you can believe, it can only be completed once your complex needs are satisfied: heart, mind, health, values. I've never regretted being cautious with my heart, so I think you have to be careful, because if it's the wrong thing it can really hurt.

Belief is not choice, what you can and can't believe is up to what you believe or not is real, you can only force yourself to believe a lie so long.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Every time I pray, my life gets worse every damn time. I grow sick of it.