I think I have asperger's, but my parents keep dismissing the idea...

[tora]

Whenever I bring it up ("Mom, I think I have asperger's...") she dismisses the idea as unimportant. When I talk about the things I struggle with, she always answers, "Oh, everyone struggles with that to some degree." I feel like I'm not being taken seriously, but I don't want to make a bigger deal out of it than I ought to. It's just... I would really like to know if I do in fact have asperger's, but my parents don't seem to care about finding out. What should I do?

 

[Jacki Cucinotta]

Have you discussed in detail about how you're feeling and what you're going through? Just wondering because it might be likely that they don't understand what having Asperger's means. I would start with that and see how they respond.

 

[Flinty]

Without knowing where you're from, is it possible that your parents don't want to pay for a diagnosis and/or any possible treatment?

 

[Firnafth]

Your parents may not want to think that you have Asperger's because they would consider it a bad thing. Parents maybe reluctant to believe something they think is bad about their kids.

It's also possible that your parents do experience similar stuff but maybe to a lesser degree, and think it is normal.

 

[Kl?ttermus]

I?m going through something quite similar. My therapist thinks I have asperger?s (and so do I) and we?re looking into it - but my parents really dislike the whole thing. Especially my dad who is even more likely to have AS than me (he insists that we don?t have asperger?s, we only seem like we do because we?re too clever to "be able to suffer through the company of others, etc.") If I were you - and now that our situations are quite alike I can slightly pretend to be - I would look into how much it would cost to get it checked out. Also, try not to care too much about what your parents say. Even before we came to the conclusion that I had AS my parents would always try to brush off the issues I had and pretend I was - how should I phrase this - "normal". Really, I think you should say to them that whether or not you have AS isn?t the big deal - it?s the problems you have and how they affect your life. Like the whole Shakespeare thing, "what?s in a name?" This whole AS-business got me thinking that really - to some degree - it doesn?t really matter what I call the difficulties I have, they?re still just as present and still affect me the same way. Anyway - I hope you can make your parents see things more from your perspective. Good luck

 

[Ste11aeres]

Either your parents think Aspergers is a bad thing, and therefore don't want to think their child has it, or they just don't really understand Aspergers.

 

[Peace]

You can take online quick tests to see if what you feel is consistent with having it. You can have others take it to compare scores. It does not matter who believes you, only that you understand the differences you have, and how to function with them. Hang in there, we are all with you.

 

[Arashi222]

Parents can be funny about things in terms of Autism and Learning issues. They have a hard time seeing that their child may have some difficulties. I would try to sit them down have a frank and logical discussion with them about how this is affecting you. Maybe suggest that it isn't Aspergers it could be a learning issue but that you would like to get it checked out so that you can move forward with your life. Bring it up at a doctors appointment the doctor can get you a referral to a clinic to do testing. You're parents don't have to be that involved with the decision.

 

[lemon]

I actually had a similar experience. I told my father that I thought I had Aspergers and he dismissed it saying "I think your normal so don't worry".
My girlfriend reminded me that my father came from a different time when things like Autism and Aspergers were looked at differently and not given the light of day. It helped explain my fathers reaction a little. I've decided to not push the issue with my parents as I don't want to feel as crushed as I did when I told my father.

As said before, you can always get tested without your parents as I plan on doing

 

[Madhatter333]

My parents didn't want to listen to me either, but after I took a few simple online tests and printed off information about high functioning autism and Aspergers Syndrome convinced them at least speak to a medical professional. Eventually it led to an Aspergers diagnosis. My parents eventually admitted they were so worried it was their fault or that they were bad parents for not recognizing sooner that my issues weren't the normal "everybody struggles with that to some degree" kind. My advice is to tell your parents that you want to speak with a mental/psychological health professional about it. Explain your reasons and end by asking what could it harm. The best of luck to you.

 

[Etzelaire]

My parents didn't want to listen to me either, but after I took a few simple online tests and printed off information about high functioning autism and Aspergers Syndrome convinced them at least speak to a medical professional. Eventually it led to an Aspergers diagnosis. My parents eventually admitted they were so worried it was their fault or that they were bad parents for not recognizing sooner that my issues weren't the normal "everybody struggles with that to some degree" kind. My advice is to tell your parents that you want to speak with a mental/psychological health professional about it. Explain your reasons and end by asking what could it harm. The best of luck to you.

That also applies to me. Just differ in that my parents don't care at all of my... 'Issues' related to aspergers, thus urging me to get a job no matter which it is. However I can't do whatever job because I really need something that matches my interests and with which I feel useful.

 

[Balkan1996]

Whenever I bring it up ("Mom, I think I have asperger's...") she dismisses the idea as unimportant. When I talk about the things I struggle with, she always answers, "Oh, everyone struggles with that to some degree." I feel like I'm not being taken seriously, but I don't want to make a bigger deal out of it than I ought to. It's just... I would really like to know if I do in fact have asperger's, but my parents don't seem to care about finding out. What should I do?

Trust me, I know how you feel.

I was PROFESSIONALLY diagnosed with ADHD, BPD, OCD, SAD, and I'm self diagnosed with ASD. My family dismisses the whole idea of disorders even existing. They believe if you're not mentally retarded - you don't have any disorders, it's just a part of your personality.

I used to hate them for that, but with time I accepted their opinion in order to preserve our (already weak) relations.
I don't know much about your parents, but you may try convincing them that you really do have ASD. If you have enough money, go to psychologist. I'm 18 years old and I used to pay my own, after I was diagnosed my country paid psychologist instead of me. Research about your country's psychology support.

I usually keep my problems away from my family, but I don't suggest you to do the same. It will damage your inner peace.
You need to find a person who will listen to you and can relate to you, and the family is the best choice. In the end, family will always be there for you no matter what happens, even if they don't understand you.

 

[Judge]

All too often online I've heard NT parents of autistic children attempt to downplay autism almost as a form of denial. Usually with the claim that everyone is somewhat autistic so it's not a big deal. I suppose it's "par for the course" as a parental defense mechanism.

They can't seem to recognize that their child is different- not necessarily deficient.

It's just that it isn't helping their children, or the rest of us who are on the spectrum. Such an attitude denies us of self-awareness and the opportunity to adjust to our neurology rather than foolishly attempt to ignore or even fight it.

 

[Sylar]

I don't know if it's the same everywhere else but in the UK you can just see your local doctor and tell them how you think you have Apserger's and they'll refer you to a therapist. If there is a concern they'll do a questionnaire style test and then if you score high enough they'll refer you to a specialist to get a real diagnosis.

If it doesn't work that way where you are, if you're an adult and have the money you could just go to see a therapist about it and go from there. That way you get your answer without needing your mother to move things forward.

 

[Oliver Greensmith]

Yes you don't want to get stuck in being labeled as AS, AS isn't the problem it is the symptoms from it that are the problem and just be open minded about it with them it may not be AS it could be somethings else.

 

[paloftoon]

Each family is different. You can go through all the work for the diagnosis. Depending on where you are in life, the supports out there may or may not be helpful to you. Consider that. One of the best things you can do is be self-aware and independently and proactively do things you feasibly can for yourself that will help you continue your life.

Networking and attending any aspie groups in your area (if they exist) or traveling to conferences may help guide you to the solace you seek.

Look for helpful books maybe. Others on here probably have some suggestions and know more in this realm than me.

There is one I haven't finished where I forget the name atm, but it has to do with a male who I think is/was kinda punk and even did some drugs. Then there's Temple Grandin and John Elder Robison. I think I've heard mixed things with more of a positive leaning about Tony Atwood, but I don't really keep track. The one I can't think of is more my vibe personally based on what I "know".

 

[luna88]

Whenever I bring it up ("Mom, I think I have asperger's...") she dismisses the idea as unimportant. When I talk about the things I struggle with, she always answers, "Oh, everyone struggles with that to some degree." I feel like I'm not being taken seriously, but I don't want to make a bigger deal out of it than I ought to. It's just... I would really like to know if I do in fact have asperger's, but my parents don't seem to care about finding out. What should I do?

Trust yourself! At age 26 I had an intuition that autism was the answer that could explain my social struggles and health issues throughout life so I got tested by 2 Doctors (one was interview style the other involved direct objective assessments) who both confirmed that I have aspergers/hf autism. My mom and sisters still do not believe me which is infuriating at times but I just have to accept that they are not open minded to understanding and maybe they will be one day. My mom is totally blind to my suffering, which is kinda understandable since it's mostly internal, but also growing up when I was having a meltdown she would just laugh and tell me I'm too sensitive/to get over it or when we went to shopping malls and I would collapse from feeling sick and fatigued from overstimulation- she just didn't take those symptoms seriously. I knew something was different about me all throughout my childhood/teens and I kept trying to figure out why. So trusting yourself is key, I believe it's so important to listen to the wisdom in your body. Anyways the diagnosis definitely helped me understand myself better so I can take action when I'm suffering and create a life compatible with my sensitivities and everything. Now I avoid all those situations which make me sick!