First of all, I'm new here and have only a limited understanding of Autism and Aspergers. I want to apologize in advance if a say anything that comes off as ignorant - If I do, please correct me. I promise thats not my intention, I'm trying my best to learn. Thanks for accepting me to this forum.
I am a 26 year old American female, and I'm begining to to realize I may be on the spectrum. From a young age I have felt that something was "wrong" with me. I have trouble in social situations and was always called "shy" growing up. That being said, I've always found it easy (too easy?) to discuss the things I'm passionate about. Though my IQ is 135 I don't consider myself "gifted" in many areas. I'm don't enjoy nor am I particularly good at math. I would consdier myself a gifted writing, speaker, and artist. The reasons I worry I may be on the spectrum include:
1. I struggle to make/maintain eye contact in conversations. I frequently have to remind myself to do so, and then it feels forced and I wonder if I'm either holding eye contact too long or not enough.
2. I am a creature of solitude. I need to be alone for a large portion of my day in order to feel at peace.
3. I'm fixated on several specific passions and have trouble being interested in things I'm not passionate about. I love fine art, specifically drawing, oil painting, and printmaking, and the history of art. I'm deeply interested in history and politics, too. My specific interests to change, but I'm never just slightly interested in something - I'm always obessesed. If I find a book I like by a specific author, I will ONLY read books by that author for months until I've burned out that interest. If I'm interested in a specific area in history or style of art, I will want to become an expert in that area and obessively study it.
4. I struggle with conversational cues. When do I start talking? How do I avoid interupting people? Is a sarcastic remark apporipriote or innaproriote in this specific converstation? Is this person being sarcastic or serious? What should I be doing with hands? Am I making the "right" facial expression?
5. I'm routine oritented and get extremely anxious if my routing is disrupted.
6. I become easily overwhelmed when a room is too loud, or to too many people are talking at once, or if a lot is going on at once. I sometime have to leave the room when I become overwhelemed, because it makes me feel like screaming or crying (even though I haven't actually done either of those things in public since I was a child). If I can't escape and overhwelming sitatuon, I tend to zone out.
7. I have synesthesia. For me, this means that I see words when I think or hear people talking. For example, if I were to to say, "I have to go to class" I woudl actually see the words appear in my head. When someone is talkign to me, I see the words they're saying spelled out in my mind's eye. Its hard to explain, but thats what happens. If more than one person is talking, or if I'm thinking too much, my mind's eye becomes crowded with images of the words I'm thinking/hearing. I have no ideas if this is at all related to autism/aspegers, but though I would include it.
8. I feel so overhwlemed my these symptoms that I sometimes struggle to function. I feel like I'm weird and that everyone will notice that I'm weird. I feel that something is keeping my from properly fitting into scoeity, and worry pretending to be "normal" will always be a struggle
There are certain aspects of my personality that cause me to question whether or not its possible that I could really be on the spectrum (and here's where I sincerely hope I don't start spouting sterotypes):
1. I enjoy public speaking. I tend to feel awkward in small group and classroom settings, but excel at public speaking. I've participated in Model UN, I've given speeches on topics in history, and participated in panel discussions. The common thread is that I'm always speaking on topics I'm truly passionate about, and I'm always comforted by the fact that I don't feel required to make eye-contact with any one person.
2. I'm not so shy anymore. Now that I'm an adult, I find my shyness fading. I'm still shy compared to other people, and I still probably rely to heavily on others to initate conversations, but WHEN someone else initiated a converstaion with me I find it fairly easy to keep it going. I still struggle with eye contact, and I often have a hard time figuring out when the converstation should end, or the subject should change. Embarassignly, I tend to interupt people because I find it difficult to understand natuaral pauses in converstation, to figure out when its okay to talk.
3. I'm very in touch with my emotions. I would even say I'm an overly emotional person, its just that I really have a hard time expressing my emotions to other people. I easily become overwhelmed by my emotions or fixated on a particular emotion, but have to retreat in solitute to work though it rather than sharing it with others.
4. I HIDE all of the above problems very well. Its more of an internal struggle. I doubt most people would suspect or believe I was on the spectrum.
I am a 26 year old American female, and I'm begining to to realize I may be on the spectrum. From a young age I have felt that something was "wrong" with me. I have trouble in social situations and was always called "shy" growing up. That being said, I've always found it easy (too easy?) to discuss the things I'm passionate about. Though my IQ is 135 I don't consider myself "gifted" in many areas. I'm don't enjoy nor am I particularly good at math. I would consdier myself a gifted writing, speaker, and artist. The reasons I worry I may be on the spectrum include:
1. I struggle to make/maintain eye contact in conversations. I frequently have to remind myself to do so, and then it feels forced and I wonder if I'm either holding eye contact too long or not enough.
2. I am a creature of solitude. I need to be alone for a large portion of my day in order to feel at peace.
3. I'm fixated on several specific passions and have trouble being interested in things I'm not passionate about. I love fine art, specifically drawing, oil painting, and printmaking, and the history of art. I'm deeply interested in history and politics, too. My specific interests to change, but I'm never just slightly interested in something - I'm always obessesed. If I find a book I like by a specific author, I will ONLY read books by that author for months until I've burned out that interest. If I'm interested in a specific area in history or style of art, I will want to become an expert in that area and obessively study it.
4. I struggle with conversational cues. When do I start talking? How do I avoid interupting people? Is a sarcastic remark apporipriote or innaproriote in this specific converstation? Is this person being sarcastic or serious? What should I be doing with hands? Am I making the "right" facial expression?
5. I'm routine oritented and get extremely anxious if my routing is disrupted.
6. I become easily overwhelmed when a room is too loud, or to too many people are talking at once, or if a lot is going on at once. I sometime have to leave the room when I become overwhelemed, because it makes me feel like screaming or crying (even though I haven't actually done either of those things in public since I was a child). If I can't escape and overhwelming sitatuon, I tend to zone out.
7. I have synesthesia. For me, this means that I see words when I think or hear people talking. For example, if I were to to say, "I have to go to class" I woudl actually see the words appear in my head. When someone is talkign to me, I see the words they're saying spelled out in my mind's eye. Its hard to explain, but thats what happens. If more than one person is talking, or if I'm thinking too much, my mind's eye becomes crowded with images of the words I'm thinking/hearing. I have no ideas if this is at all related to autism/aspegers, but though I would include it.
8. I feel so overhwlemed my these symptoms that I sometimes struggle to function. I feel like I'm weird and that everyone will notice that I'm weird. I feel that something is keeping my from properly fitting into scoeity, and worry pretending to be "normal" will always be a struggle
There are certain aspects of my personality that cause me to question whether or not its possible that I could really be on the spectrum (and here's where I sincerely hope I don't start spouting sterotypes):
1. I enjoy public speaking. I tend to feel awkward in small group and classroom settings, but excel at public speaking. I've participated in Model UN, I've given speeches on topics in history, and participated in panel discussions. The common thread is that I'm always speaking on topics I'm truly passionate about, and I'm always comforted by the fact that I don't feel required to make eye-contact with any one person.
2. I'm not so shy anymore. Now that I'm an adult, I find my shyness fading. I'm still shy compared to other people, and I still probably rely to heavily on others to initate conversations, but WHEN someone else initiated a converstaion with me I find it fairly easy to keep it going. I still struggle with eye contact, and I often have a hard time figuring out when the converstation should end, or the subject should change. Embarassignly, I tend to interupt people because I find it difficult to understand natuaral pauses in converstation, to figure out when its okay to talk.
3. I'm very in touch with my emotions. I would even say I'm an overly emotional person, its just that I really have a hard time expressing my emotions to other people. I easily become overwhelmed by my emotions or fixated on a particular emotion, but have to retreat in solitute to work though it rather than sharing it with others.
4. I HIDE all of the above problems very well. Its more of an internal struggle. I doubt most people would suspect or believe I was on the spectrum.
