I think my mother seriously may have always wanted to bury me.

[Metalhead]

Think about all of this.

Over a decade ago, when my mental health was at its worst and I was feeling extremely suicidal, she kept on telling me that mental health care was a luxury I did not deserve. Of course, now she claims I looked very unhealthy back then and she was afraid she was going to have to bury me before she died, but I don't think she really was that concerned because every time I brought up the idea of seeking medical care, she accused me of being a hypochondriac. Of course, now she claims I never told her I needed to see a doctor back then.

And now, she is playing the same kind of games. She wants to bring alcohol to my house for her own consumption and she claims I am being unreasonable when I tell her she cannot do that. She keeps on telling me my belly is massive and she is worried she is going to have to bury me before she dies because of how big my belly is, but she keeps on insisting on serving me unhealthy foods and she gets offended when I tell her no to this and she claims I am being mentally ill when I stick to my guns on this.

She has serious issues that are beyond my ability to help her with.

 

[Aspychata]

She is super controlling, verbally abusive, and dosen't love you the way a real mother should. l am very sorry, you never had a real mother figure to parent you correctly. She betrayed you, and didn't protect you. And none of this will ever change. You need to constantly assert and give her boundaries 24/7, because she will never treat you as you deserve - with respect and dignity.

 

[Judge]

It does sound like a classic case of deliberately trying to gaslight you. A process she may not pathologically have the ability to control. The only solution in such a situation I see for you is to simply cut off all contact with her.

I knew a friend from work who once had to make such a decision. Though it was based on political ideologies. He was a political refugee raised in Cuba with her mother being a very high party member with direct access to Fidel Castro. He not only left behind his immediate family, but also an entire culture and lifestyle. Not for him, as a gay man who loved western culture.

 

[Misery]

I'm gonna ask again something I've asked before:

Why in the world would you still be in contact with her whatsoever?

You're still holding the bloody tether. Why?

Just drop the blasted thing or use some metaphorical scissors or whatever. That option is there, it has been there.

Yet you still hesitate and hold on. Why?

 

[Metalhead]

I'm gonna ask again something I've asked before:

Why in the world would you still be in contact with her whatsoever?

You're still holding the bloody tether. Why?

Just drop the blasted thing or use some metaphorical scissors or whatever. That option is there, it has been there.

Yet you still hesitate and hold on. Why?

I already tried that, and she became a super psycho stalker, contacting my employer, contacting my therapists, trying to contact my friends and get them on her side, showing up at my door acting hysterical and nailing herself on the cross, telling everybody in the family that I stopped taking my psychiatric medications, trying to get me involuntarily committed. She scares me.

 

[Judge]

Frankly this is a social dynamic I've seen a lot. Both here and in real life. For some people they are simply unable to severe such family ties. Even when they are incredibly toxic. I have a family member with such a past in her childhood. Luckily for her, her abuser died of old age.

So yes, for many it can take having some "big brass ones" to finally make that cut.

 

[Misery]

I already tried that, and she became a super psycho stalker, contacting my employer, contacting my therapists, trying to contact my friends and get them on her side, showing up at my door acting hysterical and nailing herself on the cross, telling everybody in the family that I stopped taking my psychiatric medications, trying to get me involuntarily committed. She scares me.

Dont give in, even so.

Get a restraining order. Tell other people in your life to tell her off if she tries calling them. Threaten to call the police if she shows up and whines at your door or something. Or maybe ACTUALLY call the police. There's always a bigger dog, and bullies tend to deflate if that dog shows up.

The type of person she is, based on your descriptions of her actions and behavior, is a type that is unfortunately very familiar to me. You have to be strong against someone like this, because giving in even just a bit encourages and enables that kind of behavior.

And I know you're strong, much moreso than you seem to give yourself credit for. Remember, you already defeated one massive challenge before, one that many never beat. You defeated it anyway. I sincerely believe you have what it takes to defeat this challenge too.

I know it's hard, but until you stand up for yourself and refuse to budge, this is just going to keep going. I think you likely know that.

Seriously, the only one who can end this cycle is you. She sure as heck aint gonna relent on her own, is she?


I do apologize if I sound a bit harsh/annoying here (and at other times) but the topic of bullying and harassment always gets me really fired up. I hate that you have to go through any of this at all.