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I want to check out of life.

Metalhead

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict. All for gay pride.
V.I.P Member
Not necessarily "I want to die," but more like "I want to smoke weed and play video games nonstop".

I want to evade responsibility.

On the other hand, it is up to me to be my own parent and to teach myself the discipline my blood parents always insist that I will never be able to personally develop. Smoking weed and playing video games nonstop is not the way to get the results out of life that would bring me true happiness - it would just be checking out of life.
 
Yes. You are effectively numbing yourself so that the pain inflicted by good old mom won't be so effective. You have to numb, so that you don't realize what a piece of dog doo she really was. Yes, l can relate to that. Your mom never had your back.
 
You can begin the process of living as yourself without fear of your mom. Without dreading her possible comments over all of your choices. Without worrying about her voice and attitude.
 
I sometimes wish I could "check out" too. I'm not sure if this has something to do with this time of year. I don't know if it's the winter kicking in and it's some vestigial instinct to hibernate. It's not fun. Even if I allowed myself, I don't seem to be able to derive much pleasure from sitting back and trying to enjoy a video game for hours or days in end.

It is of course important not to fall down such a rabbit hole and let everything go to pot. So well done for being determined to keep things in check @Metalhead :-) I think that's half the battle right there!

My mood always seems to be in a bit of a dysphoric state of flux this time of year. I wish it would settle down so I could focus a bit better.
 
Great, here is an update. I took a bus to get to the bank, but that bus driver decided to just sit at a traffic light for half an hour for no real reason. People on the bus were getting agitated, but the driver flat out did not care about that. Add in the many times I was late for work the last few months because my bus decided to just not have that scheduled run at the last second, and I am left with zero patience to waste on the local public transit system.
 
Understandable, man. So many ugly articles like this. Hopefully most employers are aware of that which is beyond the control of their commuting employees.

https://mynorthwest.com/1064895/why-seattle-is-so-truly-awful-at-transit/
I guess when I depended on it in the Bay Area, we were blessed with BART. Which occasionally had its share of troubles, but not to where I was late to work all the time.

Luckily for me, the company I worked for elected to move the branch to the town I lived in. My hour commute one-way became as short as 64 seconds one time, when all the lights were green! Amazing...
 
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Metalhead said:
Not necessarily "I want to die," but more like "I want to smoke weed and play video games nonstop".

I want to evade responsibility.

On the other hand, it is up to me to be my own parent and to teach myself the discipline my blood parents always insist that I will never be able to personally develop. Smoking weed and playing video games nonstop is not the way to get the results out of life that would bring me true happiness - it would just be checking out of life.
Click to expand...
Well said. You know what needs to be done, and we know you are basically responsible (I have watched you as you got more responsible) and capable. Now go out and do what you need to do.
 
OK, so my first bus this morning decided to be more than 20 minutes late, meaning I missed my transfer and had to show up for work half an hour late - again.

Making matters worse, my music app on my phone decided to start acting weird, randomly stopping, skipping tracks, always asking for voice commands even though I had my mic muted. My music app was the only thing that kept me calm on the bus so many times, and now I cannot even rely on that being there for me anymore.
 
Metalhead said:
OK, so my first bus this morning decided to be more than 20 minutes late, meaning I missed my transfer and had to show up for work half an hour late - again.

Making matters worse, my music app on my phone decided to start acting weird, randomly stopping, skipping tracks, always asking for voice commands even though I had my mic muted. My music app was the only thing that kept me calm on the bus so many times, and now I cannot even rely on that being there for me anymore.
Click to expand...
It all depends on your perspective. I was once in charge of a project where I spent four months living in a converted packing crate in the caldera of an allegedly dormant (fumaroles, boiling hot springs all over, steaming mud pits, and once or twice a week earthquakes; you decide) volcano, using a crew that did not speak English, but that didn't matter because they were usually whacked out an betel nut by noon. And that is the good part, after that it gets worse. Something went wrong on almost a daily basis. To describe the project, I had to come up with the term "Disaster du jour." Now, does your day seem all that bad now? I did, however, come back with a truly memorable souvenir - - malaria.
 
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