I want to escape.

[Metalhead]

I wish I had the cash to fly away right now, from the job I dislike, from the commute, from the family, from the isolation in my town. I wish I could afford driving lessons and a car and gas. I wish I could be in a better place than I am now, but that takes cold hard cash which I do not have.

I have degenerated into an addiction of pervy pictures on the Internet. This is not who I want to be.

I am getting worse every day I stay in this house in this town with extremely limited public transit.

I need to make drastic changes in my life right this frigging second.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I wish I had the cash to fly away right now, from the job I dislike, from the commute, from the family, from the isolation in my town. I wish I could afford driving lessons and a car and gas. I wish I could be in a better place than I am now, but that takes cold hard cash which I do not have.

I have degenerated into an addiction of pervy pictures on the Internet. This is not who I want to be.

I am getting worse every day I stay in this house in this town with extremely limited public transit.

I need to make drastic changes in my life right this frigging second.

Pray against it. You said you wanted a connection to God. It is ok to fall into bad habits. I hope u are ok. You have been doing so well and u should be proud of yourself.
It is so hard with childhood trauma.
Very easy to fall into bad habits again.
I feel the same way. I want to run away and escape because just everything has same old familiar trauma and scars and so stale each day. But I am going to stick out it here ATM, hope for the best anf see what happens.
But it is understandable and an understandable feeling.
You could make and to start in a new city of town. You could have dreams. Just never give up because you are worth it.
It is very hard with toxic mothers amd childhood trauma, you have been so brave and you will be ok.
If you have bad days or feel sad it is only normal. That is why sometimes you need to find a place to seek help like a church or maybe there is a place in your area you could talk to someone.
Like a church, you could sit there and talk to God or pray or find a minister to talk to.
Good luck, you are loved.

 

[Aspychata]

What is stopping you? If you want to leave, then get rid of everything and go. I left most of my stuff behind and moved to another state. It was difficult but doable. Just call the person that wants to give you a room, ask if you can look for a job once you get there, then you will start paying them money. Just keep a few things, downsize the rest. Material things shouldn't come between you and your new chance of being happy. You will never know if it will work out unless you don't even try. I just up and moved to Hawaii one day. It was very expensive. I remember being very broke, however, l bought pineapple everyday and l felt so spoiled. And l was near the beach too. If starting out in a place with more things to do, people to meet, then what's stopping you? Don't let your family's past voices try to convince you of the their lies that you shouldn't be happy. You deserve happiness.

 

[MNAus]

I wish I had the cash to fly away right now, from the job I dislike, from the commute, from the family, from the isolation in my town. I wish I could afford driving lessons and a car and gas. I wish I could be in a better place than I am now, but that takes cold hard cash which I do not have.

I have degenerated into an addiction of pervy pictures on the Internet. This is not who I want to be.

I am getting worse every day I stay in this house in this town with extremely limited public transit.

I need to make drastic changes in my life right this frigging second.

You have no sense of purpose. Cold hard cash and another place would make no difference to that. Take it from someone who has lived in a lot of places: you move, and who turns up at the door? You do. You need to find purpose.

Another member suggests religion, which helps a lot of people, but it could also be many other things. It doesn't have to be a career. It could even be something others find trivial. But you need to have a sense of purpose.

 

[Jacks Brain]

Motorcycles are cheaper than cars. The bikers I've known have all been hurt by them, and badly; so make it as temporary as possible.

 

[Toirtis]

Side hustle to generate funds? New hobby/pasttime to alleviate boredom and generate dopamine to combat addiction (I am all for degenerate pervy pics, but addiction is never good). Start making plans for a change of location, a new job, etc...create a solid plan to work towards.

 

[Aspychata]

Every time l moved, it was fantastic. It reset my brain. Everything was so close in Waikiki, l didn't need a car. I walked everywhere, and l was quite healthy. Where l was living had become a dead-end for me. Nothing brought me happiness. I also had a lot of bad memories of my family in that particular area. By moving away, l released all that. My last moves were to unload a 18 year marriage, and unload a lot of unhappiness. It did help me move on, however it was a slow process. I ended up being counseled by a very handsome guy, and l finally broke thru battered woman's syndrome. Maybe you can move, and take advantage of some therapy that is offered on a sliding scale.

 

[Judge]

Every time l moved, it was fantastic. It reset my brain. Everything was so close in Waikiki, l didn't need a car. I walked everywhere, and l was quite healthy. Where l was living had become a dead-end for me. Nothing brought me happiness. I also had a lot of bad memories of my family in that particular area. By moving away, l released all that.

Another reason I moved to Nevada. Had no history or bad memories of there at all. Needed a big change rather than a minor one. Left only a sense of optimism in moving to somewhere quite different than where I had lived for many years.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I listened to people all my life telling me that moving to a different place solves nothing because the problems are in you. And so I stayed stuck.

Well when I made my move to Florida and then to my cabin in the woods, I proved them wrong.

location makes a huge difference.

 

[Metalhead]

OK, I was able to negotiate longer shifts and fewer days at my job, meaning I will be dealing with the commuting considerably less. That also means I have a couple of weekdays to get out and socialize some more.

I think I am starting to get on the right track here.

 

[Shevek]

I know people who overuse "the geographic cure" but I've used it three times and probably come out ahead. On one of them, I used a bicycle tour to find my new home. You have to get fit to do 100 km per day, but that's a general benefit as well. You can increase your range by 10% a week without distress. Before my 1st tour, at 27, I rode hard for an hour per day per week, starting from regular commuting, and then was OK for 8 hours going easy.
Life on a bike is very cheap, and you can easily do a fine-grained search for a new place, stopping and meeting people who would not be interested in just another driver. You can find a home, job, and shops within bike range of each other and never need a car. I had a friend who had paid off a house in a big city on a government job before he was 30, because he didn't use a car.

 

[ra49]

You have no sense of purpose. Cold hard cash and another place would make no difference to that. Take it from someone who has lived in a lot of places: you move, and who turns up at the door? You do. You need to find purpose.

Another member suggests religion, which helps a lot of people, but it could also be many other things. It doesn't have to be a career. It could even be something others find trivial. But you need to have a sense of purpose.

Altho it is true: wherever you go, there you are - your internal baggage goes with you

But Still: Knowing you want to change your life is hugely wonderful and brave, and look at all these nice folks who have succeeded a dozen different ways

you have great coaches here, learn from them and then go recreate your life, but remember to be intentional and thoughtful - reflexive dashes left right up down only make messes not good life choices

I am so excited for you

 

[ra49]

I listened to people all my life telling me that moving to a different place solves nothing because the problems are in you. And so I stayed stuck.

Well when I made my move to Florida and then to my cabin in the woods, I proved them wrong.

location makes a huge difference.

Beach, woods, desert, mountains: wherever your heart picks up a beat and smiles , that is a wonderful choice

 

[Shevek]

^^ Good points. I was a regular bike commuter, but I wanted to start my big tour in an unfamiliar area, after flying to an event related to the changes I wanted to make. I spent months preparing my bike and camping gear, and researching the roads I'd use. Once there, I did improvise a lot, but I never felt aimless or too ignorant.