Hi, Jessica: Your story is very familiar to me. Earlier this year I suspected, and became convinced that I had Aspergers, finally getting a formal diagnosis in September... aged 48. Amongst other things, Asperger's is the most significant part of the the chain of decisions and actions I've taken over the last 10 years or so that have brought me here - and I'm not in a good place, no job, little prospects, no money.
I found it a very strange series of sensations coming to terms with Aspergers, and having no resources, I had to work through this alone. As Erth below says, if its an option to talk to a counselor, that might make the period shorter and more pleasant, if that is an option.
What really annoys me is people say "there is nothing wrong with you" or "it must be a very mild case", when it is behind everything that I think and do. For years I've heard mostly from family members: "Just get a job, is there something wrong with you?" I found out is, yes, there is. Then I'm told, don't be silly. Getting a formal diagnosis really helped, and is to be encouraged.
When talking about Asperger's I draw an analogy to a one legged child trying to play hop scotch - of course she can't play it in the same way as the other children. When neither she nor anybody else realizes her disability, she, and they just think that she's useless. But as soon as she knows, can still play, she just needs find and deploy alternative strategies. I think this is the key, at least it's the way I'm trying to go.
As a child and young man, I was clumsy, but 2 years Tai Chi Chuan "fixed" that, that is, I'm not clumsy now. I had problems with speech, I went to an excellent teacher in the spoke work, only for about 8 classes, and that put me in command of my voice (he was a superb teacher, and what I learned from him has been some of the most valuable and useful stuff I have ever learned). I had problems with rudeness, but 18 months with Dale Carnegie, and two books on manners help a lot there. There is a lot of help that you can get, and a lot you an do to not fix but work around the Asperger difficulties.
In my current situation I need to fix my social interaction issues: some I think I can help myself to some extent: social interaction is helped by knowing who people are, what there relationships, what they do etc. I have never become good at remembering all this stuff that people seem to know about each outer: I'm working through a biography now, intending to work out how to memorize, recall and use all this kind of stuff, as I think that'll help. That is, I'm intending to use intellectualisation and memory to manage in an area that NTs do instinctively.
But my biggest problem is not being able to read, or give off social cues accurately - I have crashed out of every interview I have ever done on this count (I had a career with a large firm, but only because I was the only one to apply for that traineeship that year. Reading faces, for example, maybe I should get 1,000 pictures of happy faces, of sad faces, etc. and work at them until I can read them: how could I do that when I can't tell the difference to start with. With no resources whatsoever, I am trying to find whatever help I can get. I need a teacher to work around this one.
I think it's about finding strategies that work for you, either to achieve you goals, or to find the means of using what you have to work around the difficulties you face. Either find a way yourself, or find a teacher for that particular area.
As regards meeting people, one strategy is to take one of those things that you are really interested in, and join a club, or go to evening class: focus on the interest and the companionship should follow. It doesn't seem to work the other way around. (I thin going to acting class of some sort might help me with reading and expressing emotions, I'll be looking into that early next year. A spin off benefit would be to meet new people, and find new if not friends, then acquaintances).
Another thing I have in my various travels found really useful is just making yourself visible. Going into a coffee shop and have a coffee, is one think, but if you are there every 11:00 on a Saturday and a Sunday, you become familiar to the other regulars (people are less shy of people that look familiar, that they see around), and before you know it, something happens and you are on speaking terms with some of them, and then soon you know them all. There are many other strategies, if you get into a mind set that it's fun to try, things can change.
Good luck!
