I want to receive criticism better

[QueenOfFrance87]

I'm writing this because I've always hated receiving criticism, especially from my teachers, ex-MIL, and my former therapist, because I felt it was a personal attack. It started when my future SIL made a post on Facebook asking us to post their recent snapshot from our phones. I did so (it was a flyer for an art contest I entered a month ago), and one woman criticized it for having my personal information on it. All there was was my address, phone number, and email; it's not like I added my SSN. So I made a post on Facebook saying that I am quitting for a while, and it was hard because I have family and two of my best friends are on Facebook.

I want to be able to receive criticism better, but I can't take people yelling at me. I find that very hurtful, and I want to be able to handle it without becoming upset.

 

[Misery]

I think part of the process is to learn when it's actually someone "yelling at you", and when it's someone merely giving feedback.

Heck, the example you mentioned, I would have given you the same stern warning. Putting address/phone/email on Facebook is a really bad idea. As I always say: Facebook is NOT a safe place. Think of it as being horribly dangerous and you're closer to the truth.

In that case, nobody is yelling... it's merely something important that, one way or another, you need to hear. Granted, some people can be total snots about HOW they phrase it or their attitude while giving said feedback, but that's just a given individual's personality.


Now that all being said... quitting Facebook for awhile is not a bad idea. It's... not a good site, and is genuinely dangerous, as I said. Maybe try to find new ways to stay in contact with everyone?

 

[QueenOfFrance87]

I could do Messenger, not sure how the rest of my friends or family will, but I can run that by them.

 

[Crossbreed]

I want to receive criticism better...

[smart alec response]
Good, because you stink at it...

[/smart alec response]

 

[Mia]

I think criticism should be constructive, otherwise it can be mean-spirited. So if someone simply critizes someone else, they have to offer solutions rather than denigrate a person. If they don't then the person feels threatened in some way.

Some people criticize all the time, and have an overblown sense of self. Yet rarely do they offer solutions, they do it to feel better about their own fragile self-worth, in criticizing someone else they have a fleeting feeling of superiority. The problem is that in order to bolster their own fractured ego they have to do it all the time.

If you ask for someone's help and they give you their opinion, you have to weight it and decide if it's helpful. Because most of the time we've considered many different solutions already before we've even asked. People make mistakes, but on the internet many things are made into huge incidents by bored people with lots of time on their hands. Everyone makes mistakes, its how we learn.

I don't know if I would have left Facebook, because of your incident. Probably what I would of done, is said something like: You know you're right, thanks for catching it, it's appreciated. And that may be what the other person intended, to keep you safe, rather than hurt you. Often it's difficult to know what was intended.

 

[Sherlock77]

I struggle sometimes with criticism and don't always take it well... When it's your boss at work you know who is right Just nod your head...

And I have often struggled with criticism of my photography, when it doesn't seem to get judged or considered fairly, at least in my opinion, or maybe I'm not as good as I think I am, regardless I have few successes...

But most things in life are subjective anyway, because there are all sorts of different life viewpoints out there

 

[Crossbreed]

But most things in life are subjective anyway, because there are all sorts of different life viewpoints out there

Art certainly is.

 

[Suzanne]

I hate it too and like you, always take it as a personal attack, so do my best to get through that, as I do know that there is something called: constructive critisim.

I would also take it hard if someone said that to me, but in fact, that IS your personal information and so, unless they were laughing etc, what they said was not critisim, but a kindly reminder.

 

[Aspychata]

This is getting a little easier for me. However l see many people just like us that suffer also. I think it can hit to the core of insecurities, that little suitcase we internally carry of our parents or partners or friends or teachers who over critiqued us. When you are able to feel better about yourself, then maybe you become less judgmental and more accepting of you. Secure people say that is criticism and is it true, can l better myself? An insecure person may feel attacked and wonder why that person felt provoked to criticize? So it is a moment in my life, that l take deep breaths and say l need to respond without judging.

So if the critique seems more of a judgement call, like insinuating something is wrong because l don't go out 24/7 with a guy, l say that is your opinion and we can agree to disagree but l don't need to attach any emotion to your thinking or (critique).

 

[GeoAspieBabe]

I'm writing this because I've always hated receiving criticism, especially from my teachers, ex-MIL, and my former therapist, because I felt it was a personal attack. It started when my future SIL made a post on Facebook asking us to post their recent snapshot from our phones. I did so (it was a flyer for an art contest I entered a month ago), and one woman criticized it for having my personal information on it. All there was was my address, phone number, and email; it's not like I added my SSN. So I made a post on Facebook saying that I am quitting for a while, and it was hard because I have family and two of my best friends are on Facebook.

I want to be able to receive criticism better, but I can't take people yelling at me. I find that very hurtful, and I want to be able to handle it without becoming upset.

I love your profile pic!! So cute.
I have a pretty bad temper, I always have. I get really defensive and angry about any kind of criticism also. I take things very personally. It has caused me problems at jobs and school because if someone corrects me I tend to get very snippy with them.
I have been a victim of severe bullying and abuse in the past, so I think that has something to do with it.

 

[Thinx]

Many of us have an Insecure attachment style, which comes about for many when early conditions at home or in interactions are challenging for us. This can then become how we see or understand inputs, interpeting inputs as attacking, when another person who has had different, less stressful past interactions may not react like that, but just think the other person meant well.

Just understanding yourself better, and the effect of past conditions and confusions especially for us on the spectrum, should help you gain a bit more security in interactions, as @Aspychata described she has found. Try googling attachment styles, it's quite interesting to find out about. We can always still grow and develop in this area, fortunately.

 

[_eri_bellehumeur]

Criticism is something I've really struggled with myself so I understand. For me, the first step was to analyze why exactly I was (and to a lesser extent, still am) so sensitive to it. I think for a lot of people it's as simple as somebody in their life (including themselves) at some point constantly criticized and made them to feel that they couldn't do anything right. For me, my immediate response to criticism has been suspicion or anger- why are they criticizing me? Are they genuinely trying to help, or are they purposely pointing out flaws so that I second guess myself, or something else?

It's difficult because criticism can be an essential part of growth, and learning to accept it can be a very long process that involves carefully analyzing your response, their intent and authority in giving criticism, and all kinds of other things. It makes it especially difficult because my brain just works differently, aspie brains work differently, so things are done differently, opening us up to criticism. An important distinction is whether the way you are doing things is efficient and is working for you without drastically disrupting others. If what I am doing is working, and isn't disruptive or dangerous, I'm getting into the habit of just thanking them for their input, but explaining that their way is simply their own preference and my way works better for me. Some people won't like that, but that isn't really my or anybody elses responsibility. Hopefully more often than not, the aim behind criticism is for the receiver to be more efficient, safe, aware, etc. When given criticism now, I try to keep the potential lessons in mind, and just accept that if offence is meant there isn't anything I can do short of asking for their clarification on intention, and then I just move on. I use visualization a lot; imagining an off switch for my emotions so that I can engage in discussion in a very logical way has done me a lot of good, though I still do struggle.

 

[Crossbreed]

Art certainly is.

Speaking of subjective opinions, Share good puns and jokes.

 

[SDRSpark]

I learned recently that there's something called "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" that often occurs in neurodivergent people. Basically, it's an over-reaction to real or perceived rejection that occurs due to our neurology. (I think this is a new concept that isn't broadly recognized by the psych community...as with a lot of things connected to neurodivergence, the community is on the front lines of this one and trying to get the doctors to catch up.)

This information doesn't directly help me handle rejection any better, but it does help me put it in perspective (because I can consider that I may be reacting more strongly than is necessary or appropriate to the situation - not that the reaction is inappropriate or unnecessary, but that maybe I'm getting carried away with it). In other words, "are they really upset with me or is this RSD? Do I need to be this upset about this?"

 

[Sherlock77]

I learned recently that there's something called "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" that often occurs in neurodivergent people. Basically, it's an over-reaction to real or perceived rejection that occurs due to our neurology. (I think this is a new concept that isn't broadly recognized by the psych community...as with a lot of things connected to neurodivergence, the community is on the front lines of this one and trying to get the doctors to catch up.)

This information doesn't directly help me handle rejection any better, but it does help me put it in perspective (because I can consider that I may be reacting more strongly than is necessary or appropriate to the situation - not that the reaction is inappropriate or unnecessary, but that maybe I'm getting carried away with it). In other words, "are they really upset with me or is this RSD? Do I need to be this upset about this?"

Fascinating...

As I ruminate over what seems like a rejection this morning, as photos I submitted for a group competition through our club were all "not selected", does that mean they were bad photos in and of themselves? or just that were lots of better photos to choose from... I'll try not to beat myself up too much, but I was slightly upset when I read the e-mail, because of feeling "not good enough"

 

[SDRSpark]

Fascinating...

As I ruminate over what seems like a rejection this morning, as photos I submitted for a group competition through our club were all "not selected", does that mean they were bad photos in and of themselves? or just that were lots of better photos to choose from... I'll try not to beat myself up too much, but I was slightly upset when I read the e-mail, because of feeling "not good enough"

Chances are there were a lot of good entries. Either that, or whoever was choosing entries had a certain style preference that your photos didn't fulfill. (Which doesn't mean that they were bad photos, just that they weren't in someone's preferred style.)

 

[Sherlock77]

Chances are there were a lot of good entries. Either that, or whoever was choosing entries had a certain style preference that your photos didn't fulfill. (Which doesn't mean that they were bad photos, just that they weren't in someone's preferred style.)

I know that... It just keeps adding onto what feels like a life with very few accomplishments... I'll get over it, maybe...