I wish I could learn from my mistakes

[BryceMcBryde]

I’m 19 and I live with my mom. Idk why but I usually have this general feeling of wanting to be in bed and be alone. Idk if it’s laziness or what but my moms told me that If I don’t get my act together and do my tasks I’m gonna be on my own. I don’t wanna be on my own. I started telling myself “just get it done so I won’t be alone” today so maybe telling myself that will work

 

[tree]

What are the tasks you're supposed to perform?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I’m 19 and I live with my mom. Idk why but I usually have this general feeling of wanting to be in bed and be alone. Idk if it’s laziness or what but my moms told me that If I don’t get my act together and do my tasks I’m gonna be on my own. I don’t wanna be on my own. I started telling myself “just get it done so I won’t be alone” today so maybe telling myself that will work

Bryce, I am going to be a bit harsh with you, but I hope you take it constructively and to heart.

Part of being a responsible adult is doing things we don't want to do. I am quite sure your mom does many things that she doesn't feel like or want to do, but she does because she has a responsibility to herself and her family. Feelings have absolutely nothing to do with this. You do things because you have a duty and responsibility. Feelings don't enter into it at all. You don't filter your actions through your feelings. You're 19, a young man. You're not a child. I was out on my own, had a few jobs, went to school full time, and I was married before I was 20. Your mom, seriously, she doesn't want to take care of an adult who does nothing around the house. If you are going to live with your mom, show her some love and appreciation, and some responsibility by helping her out around the house. If you are going to live under her roof, eat her food, use her water, her electricity, and so on, at the very least earn your right to it. Nobody likes a lopsided relationship where one gives and gives, and the other just takes. You need to put some balance back into the relationship and start giving. In fact, I would say, for all that she's done for you, you might consider doing a little extra. Perhaps it's time you took care of your mom.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Bryce, I am going to be a bit harsh with you, but I hope you take it constructively and to heart.

Part of being a responsible adult is doing things we don't want to do. I am quite sure your mom does many things that she doesn't feel like or want to do, but she does because she has a responsibility to herself and her family. Feelings have absolutely nothing to do with this. You do things because you have a duty and responsibility. Feelings don't enter into it at all. You don't filter your actions through your feelings. You're 19, a young man. You're not a child. I was out on my own, had a few jobs, went to school full time, and I was married before I was 20. Your mom, seriously, she doesn't want to take care of an adult who does nothing around the house. If you are going to live with your mom, show her some love and appreciation, and some responsibility by helping her out around the house. If you are going to live under her roof, eat her food, use her water, her electricity, and so on, at the very least earn your right to it. Nobody likes a lopsided relationship where one gives and gives, and the other just takes. You need to put some balance back into the relationship and start giving. In fact, I would say, for all that she done for you, you might consider doing a little extra. Perhaps it's time you took care of your mom.

I agree and so does Calvin.

 

[BryceMcBryde]

Bryce, I am going to be a bit harsh with you, but I hope you take it constructively and to heart.

Part of being a responsible adult is doing things we don't want to do. I am quite sure your mom does many things that she doesn't feel like or want to do, but she does because she has a responsibility to herself and her family. Feelings have absolutely nothing to do with this. You do things because you have a duty and responsibility. Feelings don't enter into it at all. You don't filter your actions through your feelings. You're 19, a young man. You're not a child. I was out on my own, had a few jobs, went to school full time, and I was married before I was 20. Your mom, seriously, she doesn't want to take care of an adult who does nothing around the house. If you are going to live with your mom, show her some love and appreciation, and some responsibility by helping her out around the house. If you are going to live under her roof, eat her food, use her water, her electricity, and so on, at the very least earn your right to it. Nobody likes a lopsided relationship where one gives and gives, and the other just takes. You need to put some balance back into the relationship and start giving. In fact, I would say, for all that she's done for you, you might consider doing a little extra. Perhaps it's time you took care of your mom.

Thank you for your response. I’ll take everything you said to heart.

 

[BryceMcBryde]

What are the tasks you're supposed to perform?

I have to clean my face and take my medication twice a day, take out the trash, clean the dishes, take care of our dog etc. i don’t know why it’s difficult for me to do all these because it’s just simple stuff. But I will take everything people here have said and start doing it.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I’m 19 and I live with my mom. Idk why but I usually have this general feeling of wanting to be in bed and be alone. Idk if it’s laziness or what but my moms told me that If I don’t get my act together and do my tasks I’m gonna be on my own. I don’t wanna be on my own. I started telling myself “just get it done so I won’t be alone” today so maybe telling myself that will work

I do not want to be alone either and it is easy to feel lonely hope things also get better for you.
It is hard being an autistic and there is no place like home

 

[paloftoon]

Hi Bryce. Do you have access to a therapist? I think a therapist will be able to help you with this kind of struggle so that the things you do to improve the situation become permanent and not temporary band-aids.

 

[Rodafina]

I have to clean my face and take my medication twice a day, take out the trash, clean the dishes, take care of our dog etc. i don’t know why it’s difficult for me to do all these because it’s just simple stuff. But I will take everything people here have said and start doing it.

Sometimes feeling depressed can destroy motivation to engage in even the most simple tasks. Perhaps, you can make sure that you are drinking a lot of water, eating good food, trying to get some sleep, and spending part of every day outside in the fresh air. These activities can help keep your mood more stable and increase motivation.

 

[Shevek]

The other half of learning from mistakes is to try doing something different. See if that is less of a mistake, and if so, try to make it a habit, while still looking out for further improvement. Habits are very powerful, even if they are bad. About 15 years ago, I got tired of fiddling to hang up my potholders, so I glued magnets to them so they'd stick on the fridge. Today, I realized that I should move them to the stove. Now to remember to reach down instead of walk.

 

[BryceMcBryde]

I do not want to be alone either and it is easy to feel lonely hope things also get better for you.
It is hard being an autistic and there is no place like home

 

[BryceMcBryde]

Hi Bryce. Do you have access to a therapist? I think a therapist will be able to help you with this kind of struggle so that the things you do to improve the situation become permanent and not temporary band-aids.

Not currently. I technically have one but I only see her once every 3 months and she only takes care of my medicine

 

[BryceMcBryde]

Sometimes feeling depressed can destroy motivation to engage in even the most simple tasks. Perhaps, you can make sure that you are drinking a lot of water, eating good food, trying to get some sleep, and spending part of every day outside in the fresh air. These activities can help keep your mood more stable and increase motivation.

Thank you rodafina. I dont really drink much water. I’ve been eating a lot more lately but I feel like it’s a problem and I rarely feel full

 

[BryceMcBryde]

The other half of learning from mistakes is to try doing something different. See if that is less of a mistake, and if so, try to make it a habit, while still looking out for further improvement. Habits are very powerful, even if they are bad. About 15 years ago, I got tired of fiddling to hang up my potholders, so I glued magnets to them so they'd stick on the fridge. Today, I realized that I should move them to the stove. Now to remember to reach down instead of walk.

Thank you shevek. I’ll do what you told me in the future

 

[Shevek]

As we get older, the sense of thirst gets much weaker, and there can also be a tendency to ignore it because that can help focus - a primitive person needing water would concentrate on that problem with all ingenuity. I have to record my water intake and stay aware of my urination frequency and colour to avoid dehydration. Once that short period of focus is past and I do get dry, I don't feel like doing anything and I'm too stupid to figure it out for a day or so. I've finally learned to start chugging water if I even suspect that problem. A liter in the morning is a lot better way to get energized than coffee.
I can confirm that it is quite easy to become homeless after age 18 if the parents don't understand their aspie. There's no place like home, but I've had to build mine, several times.

 

[BryceMcBryde]

As we get older, the sense of thirst gets much weaker, and there can also be a tendency to ignore it because that can help focus - a primitive person needing water would concentrate on that problem with all ingenuity. I have to record my water intake and stay aware of my urination frequency and colour to avoid dehydration. Once that short period of focus is past and I do get dry, I don't feel like doing anything and I'm too stupid to figure it out for a day or so. I've finally learned to start chugging water if I even suspect that problem. A liter in the morning is a lot better way to get energized than coffee.
I can confirm that it is quite easy to become homeless after age 18 if the parents don't understand their aspie. There's no place like home, but I've had to build mine, several times.

I’ve been drinking more water and it’s been helping me. Thank you shevek

 

[betazoid]

It sounds like you might perhaps be struggling a bit with executive dysfunction. Some things are just harder for certain people than they are for others, especially if you're neurodivergent. I'm surprised that some of the other replies here haven't been more understanding of that. It doesn't sound like your mother is particularly understanding, either. Personally, I think what she said to you sounds quite mean and shaming. I would never say what she said to anyone.

Anyway, I'm not saying she has no point at all, and it sounds like you genuinely want to improve the situation for her sake and your own. That's good. But you're still very young and likely have a lot of getting to know yourself and your strengths and weaknesses to do. So go easy on yourself - shame is never particularly helpful or healthy - and just try to do your absolute best. As I said, you seem to have the genuine desire to improve and that's half the battle. Hold on to that and it'll take you far, I'm sure.

 

[AprilR]

I also think a mixture of depression and executive dysfunction might be a reason.
When i am depressed sometimes i don't even have the energy to do the dishes. Medication and therapy helps. Also rewarding yourself after you do a task is good. For example watching the new episode of my fav. Tv show or eating something sweet.