Ideas for teaching better social skills for my 10 year old...

[HelzBelz]

I've had endless trouble with my daughters teacher this year, as she refuses to acknowledge or understand her aspergers. I have pulled my daughter out of school to homeschool her the rest of the year as her self esteem has never been lower.
I want the last month of her schooling to focus on developing better social skills as she lacks the ability to keep friendships going. She is now very lonely and has had some 'friendships' with kids who are pretty mean to her.
She is very much a 'sheep', who will mimic her 'friends' and generally do whatever they are doing, right or wrong. Emotionally and socially she is several years behind her peers so is more comfortable around younger kids.
She doesn't pick up the social cues kids put out who don't want to play or do things her way, so she often loses friends over her inability to recognise and respond to others' boundaries.
I'm looking for ideas on how to teach her social skills and interactions as she can think and logic her way through role playing but when she's excited and generally just being herself all her thinking and logic goes out the window. I'm not sure how to get her to occasionally pause long enough to see how the other kids are responding or reacting.
Anyone with ideas, please share - I'm an aspie myself, so I also struggle with maintaining friendships, so feel a little like the 'blind leading the blind' in this.

 

[Streetwise]

I've had endless trouble with my daughters teacher this year, as she refuses to acknowledge or understand her aspergers. I have pulled my daughter out of school to homeschool her the rest of the year as her self esteem has never been lower.
I want the last month of her schooling to focus on developing better social skills as she lacks the ability to keep friendships going. She is now very lonely and has had some 'friendships' with kids who are pretty mean to her.
She is very much a 'sheep', who will mimic her 'friends' and generally do whatever they are doing, right or wrong. Emotionally and socially she is several years behind her peers so is more comfortable around younger kids.
She doesn't pick up the social cues kids put out who don't want to play or do things her way, so she often loses friends over her inability to recognise and respond to others' boundaries.
I'm looking for ideas on how to teach her social skills and interactions as she can think and logic her way through role playing but when she's excited and generally just being herself all her thinking and logic goes out the window. I'm not sure how to get her to occasionally pause long enough to see how the other kids are responding or reacting.
Anyone with ideas, please share - I'm an aspie myself, so I also struggle with maintaining friendships, so feel a little like the 'blind leading the blind' in this.

Take her to an aspie support group for children ,she'll probably come across neuro typical children, neuro diverse children and the more she goes to the support group the more natural socialisation will be.
That's what I would've liked instead of going to a public school and then a private school because I'd been bullied.

 

[HelzBelz]

Take her to an autism support group for children who probably come across neuro typical children neuro diverse children and the more she goes to the support group the more natural socialisation will be
That's what I would've liked instead of going to a public school and then a private school because I'd been bullied

Ooh good idea. I'll contact our local support (I find coffee mornings a bit out of my comfort zone so don't go) and find out what's available. Thank you - hadn't thought of that! I've done some role playing and talking but need to look elsewhere.

 

[Ambi]

Are there any shows or cartoons that she likes or would like? You could watch them together and discuss the social issues that come up between them. The old school sitcoms that used to be popular when I was growing up were good for that, but also reading fictional novels was very important in helping me even begin to understand those things - discussing with others about the characters feelings and reactions would have helped even more. The same thing could be done with movies - every chance you get, using anything she would find interesting/fun.

There are also "social stories" designed for people of various ages on the spectrum.

Last, but certainly not least, I think the "Hidden Curriculum" series might be useful for you. I have just recently used the one for employment - but there are other books for kids and adolescents, focused on the social situations they will encounter. I believe there is a "one a day" calendar for kids, there is the "learning the hidden curriculum odyssey" that is the author's own story of how she learned the hidden curriculum, and then there is the "hidden curriculum for social situations" book itself. I'm going to give you a few links to explore:

The Hidden Curriculum

LEARNING THE HIDDEN CURRICULUM: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult

The Hidden Curriculum Collection| AAPC Publishing | Autism Books

 

[FreeDiver]

One thing you can try doing is going to an art show and talk about what you see in the paintings. I went to one with an NT and we where talking about the facial expressions in the paintings and boy I was in for a rude awakening. The other NT's interpreted way differentaly then I did.

 

[Ragnahawk]

I read in a book that you need to seek out a guardian friend.

 

[Ragnahawk]

For instance I have a young new NCO to back me up and pull me out of danger.

 

[Ambi]

I read in a book that you need to seek out a guardian friend.

This is very useful. When I was 10 I met my current closest friend - and I was actually quite rude and considerate, but for whatever reason she still approached me to be my friend, put up with all kinds of stuff I said that was inconsiderate (without meaning to be), and she has changed the course of my life in so many ways. That one friend can make all the difference in the world. But when other people tried to set up such a friendship for me, it didn't work - the other "trial" friends tried to be nice, but I would end up offending them without realizing it or meaning to, and they would give up on me - I was also socially immature for my age. So I am just grateful for that one friend who genuinely liked me despite my rough edges

 

[Bella Pines]

Acting school? My eldest does an activity call 'stagecoach' where they teach an hour of drama, then music, then dance. It's been amazing, he has been doing it for 5 years and is confident and well spoken. I wish I had that when I was young.